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March 2012 Moms
shanaynerz
member
Finding Out Gender but Telling No One?
shanaynerz
member
OMG I need help!
DH and I want to find out the babies' sexes prior to birth (especially since they're twins). I made a 3D U/S appt. for when I'm 20 weeks to see the babies and to find out the sexes, too. I told my mom, who had been on the fence about knowing, and she flipped out, that we shouldn't tell anyone, and likening it to receiving unwrapped gifts. WTH? What do I do?
Lots of people want to know, but my parents and possibly some relatives don't want to. However, I did want to put somewhat gender specific items on our registry when I find out, like sheets, clothes, pacifiers, etc, but should I not now?
Thing is if we were having one of each, the room can be more gender neutral, but w/ 2 girls or 2 boys I figure get pink or blue sheets or girly/boyish nursery decor. I wanted to register for some of these decor items of course, but maybe gender specific clothes we can buy and just leave that gender specific stuff off the registry? Can anyone relate or just help me figure out how to make everyone happy (which is always what I want to do 
)?
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Re: Finding Out Gender but Telling No One?
This exactly!
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
I've been struggling with my in-laws and DH extended family during this whole pregnancy. They see this as "their" baby...I finally lost it with them and told them that unless they were going to gain 30 pounds, get up every hour to pee at night, endure the contractions and push the baby out, then no, it was NOT "their" baby.
Something I'm quickly learning is people want to have a say in EVERYTHING about your pregnancy. Honestly, all the other posts are right: this is your baby (babies, lol!). If you want to find out and register for things you need, you are perfectly within your right. At some point, people will begin to realize that either a. they've had their baby and their time or b. they will have their own baby and can do things there way.
Stay strong! You and hubby know what is best for your family
Those are the only people (besides your darling babies) that you really need to worry about keeping happy.
I agree with PP about it being your decision. Also know that if you do find out but don't share the news with anyone else, it will make some people upset (again, not that you should care). Those that don't want to know ahead of the birth will be upset if you do share. Those that are really curious and can't wait will be upset if you don't. Either way, someone will be unhappy. The point: make yourselves happy! Don't worry about everyone else.
My sister had a son 2.5 years ago. She and her H found out it was a boy, but they decided not to share the news. People knew that my sis and her H knew, and no one let up about it. Everyone tried to "catch" them saying he or she. It was a nightmare for her and she wished they had just decided to tell people.
Go with what you want. Everyone else will get over it. For twins, I'd totally want to know so that I could prepare.
GL!
You CAN'T make everyone happy. If you & hubby want to find out and register for gender specific items then do it. The act of "finding out" is a surprise - it doesn't matter if it's at 20w or 40w. I'm a huge planner and wanted the nursery complete so we found out last pg and plan to w/ this one too. My sis on the otherhand didn't and it was no big deal. Either way you're going to get comments on why you did/didn't. GL!
We are finding out and not telling, but that is our choice. Just make YOUR choice. And register for what you want. If your family accidentally finds out when they look at your registry too bad. Tell them your babies are not a present to come wrapped or unwrapped.
I know that is not great advice for how to keep everyone happy...but I have never been any good at that.
This exactly. It is up to you and your husband. If you both want to find out and register for gender specific items, do it. I had a few family members act shocked that we were finding out. I simply ignored their opinions. I'm the one carrying the baby, preparing for the baby, decorating the nursery, naming the baby, so if I want to plan ahead leave me alone.
Thank you so much for your replies. Everything you have all said is so true! It's hard b/c I'm close with my mom and she's recovering from surgery, so I feel like I don't wanna stress her out, but at the same time, I need to not be stressed out either!
The idea that this may pour over into other issues is also another real concern since my folks keep referring to them as their babies, not my babies or even the babies and it's pissing me off. They want to be so involved it seems, which is great, but DH and I are raising them, not my parents. Like especially b/c DH is not Jewish and I am they're acting all like they have to make sure the babies are raised Jewish, though we're not even religious. It's like what he wants doesn't matter. But that's a whole other story!!
Oh and also my mom's throwing my shower, so the babies' sexes won't be a part of it, which is fine. I do figure that when I tell people I can tell them my folks don't wanna know, but w/e if they find out.
Seems like you are having to go through way to much just to please your parents. Like eveyone else said, these are your babies and you should do what you and DH feel is best. I dont think you should have to go that extra step to tell people the sex then tell them your parents don't wanna know. Everybody is different and some people don't want to find out, but when it's not your child you don't get to make that decision. This is a wonderful experience for you and you should not have to feel guilty about wanting to share certain parts of it with everyone (the gender).
Good luck and I hope you and your DH do what's best for you and follow your hearts
Yes this exactly!!