Natural Birth
brianamah
member
The circumcision debate
brianamah
member
Since we found out we're having a boy I've been avoiding coming to any conclusion on this. I told my husband he should decide since he has a penis... what would he want? But he doesn't seem to want to be in charge of making a decision. I brought this up to our midwives, who I could tell didn't think we should do it, but they didn't actually SAY anything else either way.
What do I want? I don't know! I don't want to hurt the little guy! Has anyone else been wrestling with this?
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Re: The circumcision debate
It's one thing to get opinions but this is something you have to decide for yourself. You will get compelling evidence for both sides and get great reasons why both sides are the right choice.
I don't think there is one right answer except the one you feel comfortable with, maybe that's why people aren't tyring to sway your decision.
Almost none of the babies born in my family have been circumcized however, all of the adult males were. (family = extended family as well)
Mine aren't, their father is. I am TTC soon and should it be a boy he won't be either. I read as much as I could find on the subject and came to my decision but I don't think it's necessary for everyone to do the same.
EDIT I realize you didn't want people to decide for you. From the sound of your post it just sounded like you wanted more than just to know if anyone was wrestling with it. Sorry if that was way off.
I didn't wrestle with it. I educated myself and decided. I was leaning toward not doing it to begin with and I am not sure why. (at that point I did not know many who weren't)
I struggled with this with our kids (now 5 and 3) and went the "let DH decide" route. Sort of wish I would have put a little more into the decision and not gone the circ route, but all-told, it wasn't a bad decision. I was not there for first circ, but DH was and I was there for the second circ (and DH wasn't) and honestly, it's way calmer than any internet video I watched and neither kid even really notice. I know it's not the same for everyone, but my gut is that if you let DH decide, then he should be there to witness and help hold the baby so he can really understand.
It's a tough decision and not easily made. Good luck.
Are you united with the CCOKCs?
There is no right or wrong answer and this is something that people have VERY strong opinions about. However, the research is inconclusive so it really is up to you.
FWIW, we did circ DS and I don't regret it. DH felt very strongly about it.
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Dh is, DS is not. Neither of us had any particularly strong feelings either way, so it made more sense to just let nature take it's course and do nothing. It didn't hurt that it costs $300 out of pocket here to get it done.
Fashion has changed here; in the 70's and 80's most boys were circumcised. Now, most aren't.
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When we found out we were having a baby this is one of the first and easiest things we agreed on and definitely knew we would not circ. We just couldn't see any sense in it. DH and his family never had it done. My family has, but they honestly couldn't tell you why.
In the end it's a personal decision- best of luck!
We are now struggling with all sorts of other decsions. ;-)
Well, first off, it isn't just your husband's decision. You're both going to be parents to your son.
Anyhoo, the way I see it is that if either of my sons are totally traumatized by not being circumcised when they're older, then they can get it done.
Good luck deciding!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I posted on the AP board about this the other day. DH and I went back and forth on it for months. We really struggled with it. We'd take turns saying yes, and then no. All of the potential pedis I interviewed said there is no medical reason for circumcision and we were mostly concerned about how it would impact him in his "adult" relationships.
We made the decision not to circumcise while I was writing up my birth plan. I realized that everything that I had written down in my birth plan was done with the intention of minimizing unnecessary interventions. Why would I say no to the eye ointment on my DS but then turn around and let them perform cosmetic surgery on him? It didn't make sense to me. I'm so glad we said no. There was no pain, no messing around with gauze and vaseline, and I never had to worry about infection, complications, etc. It was one less thing to worry about
My little goofball born 1/2012
We did. Before we had kids, we figured they would be circ'd. Dh is, and it's "normal", ya know. But when the possibility of having a boy came up, we decided to research. From what I read from the AAP and other websites, there's no real medical need for it. And after reading personal stories, we decided against it. Every procedure has risks, and we felt that there were no solid benefits to justify the risks.
It's a personal decision, and for some a religious one. I also think it's good of your dh not to want to make the decision just because he has a penis- IMO, it should be an educated decision made by both parents. Good luck deciding!
Breastfeeding and pregnant!
This doesn't really have anything to do with making the decision but here's a funny blog about it from thebloggess https://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/125988/lesson_23_lets_cut_your
If you do decide to have it done try to find out what method they will be doing (traditional, plastibell, etc) it may make a difference in your decision and you'll want to know how to care for it after.
Ok, that blog post was hysterical!!
DH and I have had some cursory discussions on the matter, but haven't done any research yet really. He's inclined to have it done, "so he doesn't look different in the locker room". I agree though, that the tide is changing and I think there will be a lot more people choosing not to circ now than when we were growing up.
We're team green though, so may end up being a non-issue for us.
Married August 5, 2006
Baby girl born February 15, 2012
Expecting baby #2 in July!
I was on the fence and my husband wanted it done "just because" until we watched this lecture on youtube yesterday:
Perhaps you 2 could watch it together? Right after it was over my husband decided there was no reason to cut our baby's penis.
A-freaking-men!
I have been wrestling with it as well. We don't know the sex of our baby yet, but it's something I've been thinking about.
We have a decision made about what we are going to do, but I think a lot about people in my family/close friends who have made the opposite decision and what they will say. (I wouldn't discuss the state of my child's penis with anyone outside of that small circle of people. And even then, I do feel a bit weird having the discussion and only will if they bring it up.)
I feel like it's similar to a lot of parenting choices in that not everyone will make the same decision as you, but you have to make the best decision for you and be comfortable with what you decide.
Yes! Immediately after posting I thought, "Oh crap, maybe this isn't something good to discuss." But I'm glad I did because this has been a big help in giving me places to go for info and in ways to approach it. Thanks to all who've chimed in!
This. We don't even know if we are having a boy or girl yet, but these are our precise feelings as well.
We went back and forth about it. Hubs said he feels like little man should have what his dad has, so we were going to circumcise. Then we read an article that said that doing what dad has won't eliminate questions seeing as boys' penises don't look like their dads' till puberty anyway. We decided that we are going to GREAT lengths to make sure our little guy has a peaceful entrance into the world, so slicing his foreskin off for no REAL reason within hours of birth seems contradictory. We're also delaying the vaccines given at the hospital until his one week appointment. If I freak out and decide that he needs to be "unhooded" we'll do it then.
This is my biggest question, usually - so many people take great pains to avoid medical intervention, and then sign their baby up for a cosmetic procedure. It leaves me scratching my head.
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We did not circumcise DS. Here is a c&p how we reasoned out each of the arguments around circumcision.
Theologically- we are neither Muslim nor Jewish so it isn't a sacred act for us.
Health- Medically, foreskin removal has shown some benefit in lessening transmission of HIV/AIDS based on studies done in Sub-Saharan Africa. But, to me it seems as though preventing transmission of HIV/AIDS through voluntary intercourse has more sure-proof ways: sexual education that encourages abstinence (or at least monogamy or even limiting number of partners) and teaches use of condoms for people who do elect sex (paired with living in a culture where condom use is acceptable so people will actually use them). Those seem like a surer course for prevention than body modification. In US culture, we are vastly closer to those steps. If I was raising our son in, say, Swaziland, I would reweigh this health argument. But living in the US, to me--the medical benefit of circumcision can be duplicated through sexual education and condom use, things that our culture advocates moreso than some other cultures.
Hygienically- women learn to clean their folds so personal care can certainly be taught to men as well. Elderly men in other countries have manage to get penile care ample enough that there isn't a circumcision revolution in other cultures.
Ethically- We don't believe in imposing body modification for others for non-health reasons, and since we don't see it as a health reason this would not be an ethical act for us. (We can see how families who come down on a different side of the health position would 100% see it as ethical and we respect their choice. It just isn't the right thing for us.)
Social/comparison concerns: everyone has a body that is different from parents and peers. Little girls have flat chests, everyone in the family may have different looking nipples, kids don't have pubic hair. In the H.S. locker room situation, we don't encourage girls to do breast modification to look like others, right? Instead we teach kids to deal with their differences, not change themselves.
Culturally- In our culture the infant circ rate is going down, so doing it is not necessary in US secular cultural (of course, religious culture is a different thing altogether). In other cultures around the world circumcising at all is weird, in yet other cultures doing it on an infant is weird. Culture can even vary across the country. Because of such huge variations, the cultural argument is the weakest to me. Doing something just because the crowd is doing it has never held much water and really the crowd isn't even doing it as much. Another cultural example, in some Muslim cultures boys get circumcised when they reach puberty as part of entering the faith. The idea that circumcision is unbearable after infancy is a Western perception, not a universal truth. Which brings us to...
Reversibility- If our son ever needs a circumcision to solve a diagnosed problem, we can still do it. If he reaches the age of reason and wants to be circumcised for whatever reason, we will support his wishes. His body, his choice.
More Green For Less Green
This is such a strong debate with very strong feelings on both sides. I was a nanny for 12 years prior to meeting my husband. From my experience with multiple children and families, it is very hard to try and clean and keep clean an uncircumcised boy. And often was at the Dr.'s for infections (mainly with older boys...3+). Now I think perhaps some boys may be more prone to infections then others, and some boys are more able to clean themselves better. Even with me or the parents having to check to be sure they cleaned well enough, infections would still occur.
Now that my DH are expecting a boy, we are choosing to circumcise. Since meeting my husband I did become Jewish....so we are not only doing it for religious reasons but I had already knew I wanted to do it from my prior experience.
On another note, yes it is cutting and removal of skin.... but what about piercing a newborn girls ears without any numbing medication? How is inflicting a small amount of pain, in that case just for beauty...and yes I still remember my ears throbbing and being VERY sensitive for days after I had my ears done even at an older age.
It is a personal choice but maybe some food for thought!
We do not plan to. We don't have any religious reasons to and the medical benefits are seemingly non-existant.
But it is a personal choice and a societal norm so I don't think doing it or avoiding it is wrong.
My baby is two!!! Baby girl 9/17/09
My other baby is still a baby! Baby Boy 11-30-11
We were team Green. Initially, it was important to DH that we circ (for religious reasons), but I asked him to do the research since he's not particularly observant in other aspects of his life and I thought this warranted a better reason than the one he was giving. He did research it and felt comfortable going the traditional bris route. Based on info he found, the baby's immune system would be more developed on day 8 than on day 1 in the hospital. The information he shared with me was compelling and I was on board, but still very nervous.
We ended up having a girl and I have to say that 3 years later, I am not really convinced on one side or the other. I think if we TTC again, DH and I are going to have to revisit the issue.
It was not a tough choice for me. I knew from the get go I didn't want anyone taking off a healthy part of my sons reproductive organs.
For me this was the question that sealed the deal "As a society, we can't imagine taking off a girls breasts just because her mom has a double mastectomy and had breast cancer and they want the girl to look like her mom and the girl MIGHT get breast cancer... so why is it ok to do that to a boy's penis?"
We had no religious reason to do it (we are not Jewish and there is no mandate for Christians to do it), we had no medical reason to do it (our sons foreskin and glans are healthy), and aesthetic/'what if' reasons were not good enough for me.
I also wrote a post about this entitled How Do You Decide.