DH vent about O timing

Oem617 · October 2011

DH is frustating me. Timing sex during the fertitile window seems to be really hard for us.

I told him at the start of this cycle, that we would have to have sex EOD for at least 10days. We started last week. So last night I am venting to him about my chart and how my temp went down, when I thought it would go up and about OPKs which have all been negative so far this cycle. He was like "can't you figure out when you O?" Umm, it is NOT that easy. I am trying! Temping, checking CM and CP (this cycle), and using OPKs.

I know this vent sounds silly, but DH and I do not have sex as often as others. Until we started TTC, we only had sex like once a week if that. I am embarassed to admit that, but it is true. I really don't want to presure him, but it is really hard. Being around his family this weekend, and with all these babies around. We both really want to have a baby, and it is just getting to us. I know we have not been trying for that long, and I usally don't complain about these kind of things, but I just had to get it out.

Thanks for listening, if you made it that far. I just need a drink today. Drinks

jesssy1204 · October 2011

Im sorry, maybe try to make it fun? Dress up, or have a glass of wine and start with a lot of fourplay? Maybe it will help H get more into it? Good luck

selder25 · October 2011

I totally know where you are coming from. We tried to time sex but for whatever reason I Oed a few days late this cycle and I when I realized that I hadn't Oed at my normal time DH was wanting a sex break. So needless to say we only had sex once during my fertile window, so we are probably out this cycle. I was really hoping this would be the cycle for us. My due date would have been on my grandmother's birthday. She passed away several years ago and I thought it would be neat to have a baby on her birthday.

FX that you get your BFP this cycle!

app1e3 · October 2011

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like perhaps just the pressure (for lack of a better term) and the frustration that it hasn't happened yet coming through. I think they get just as down about it as we do even though they show it in different ways. I hope things go well for you this cycle!

Oem617 · October 2011

selder25:

I totally know where you are coming from. We tried to time sex but for whatever reason I Oed a few days late this cycle and I when I realized that I hadn't Oed at my normal time DH was wanting a sex break. So needless to say we only had sex once during my fertile window, so we are probably out this cycle. I was really hoping this would be the cycle for us. My due date would have been on my grandmother's birthday. She passed away several years ago and I thought it would be neat to have a baby on her birthday.

FX that you get your BFP this cycle!

It makes me feel better to say it out loud and to have someone else understand. Thank you and GL to you too!

TheBug16 · October 2011

ashcurious:

DH is frustating me. Timing sex during the fertitile window seems to be really hard for us.

I told him at the start of this cycle, that we would have to have sex EOD for at least 10days. We started last week. So last night I am venting to him about my chart and how my temp went down, when I thought it would go up and about OPKs which have all been negative so far this cycle. He was like "can't you figure out when you O?" Umm, it is NOT that easy. I am trying! Temping, checking CM and CP (this cycle), and using OPKs.

I know this vent sounds silly, but DH and I do not have sex as often as others. Until we started TTC, we only had sex like once a week if that. I am embarassed to admit that, but it is true. I really don't want to presure him, but it is really hard. Being around his family this weekend, and with all these babies around. We both really want to have a baby, and it is just getting to us. I know we have not been trying for that long, and I usally don't complain about these kind of things, but I just had to get it out.

Thanks for listening, if you made it that far. I just need a drink today.

We were the same way. Embarrassed Actually... not even once a week. Maybe once a month? Now we do it EOD. Somehow, he just knew that's what we needed to do, and we have never even skipped a day. I'm not sure he knows much about ovulating, nor do I tell him anything about it.

brianabrad · October 2011

Don't feel bad admitting to only having sex one or so a week. We are basically newlyweds and normally only have it twice per week. We are busy people with full time jobs and other commitments. Most nights by the time we both get home and get some time together all we want to do is cuddle and talk.

Keep your head up.

abfromva · October 2011

ashcurious:
DH is frustating me. Timing sex during the fertitile window seems to be really hard for us.

I told him at the start of this cycle, that we would have to have sex EOD for at least 10days. We started last week. So last night I am venting to him about my chart and how my temp went down, when I thought it would go up and about OPKs which have all been negative so far this cycle. He was like "can't you figure out when you O?" Umm, it is NOT that easy. I am trying! Temping, checking CM and CP (this cycle), and using OPKs.

I know this vent sounds silly, but DH and I do not have sex as often as others. Until we started TTC, we only had sex like once a week if that. I am embarassed to admit that, but it is true. I really don't want to presure him, but it is really hard. Being around his family this weekend, and with all these babies around. We both really want to have a baby, and it is just getting to us. I know we have not been trying for that long, and I usally don't complain about these kind of things, but I just had to get it out.

Thanks for listening, if you made it that far. I just need a drink today.

Sorry that is frustrating! Do you think if you didn't tell him you were Oing that it might help? Or, would he just notice in anyways since your normal schedule is more infrequent? Maybe you can ask him if he would rather know or not know. Maybe if you tell him that you are ok taking a night off (even if you don't really want to) might make him relax. That works with my husband if he gets tired. GL!

kristykay123 · October 2011

I think a lot of people are in the same boat as you for whatever reason. Not everyone BDs all the time. We upped it now that we're TTC. After we BD he's like "put that one on your little app!" talking about FF app on my phone lol. At least your husband understands the whole O thing...mine thinks he has super sperm and can get me KU anytime.

gplove94 · October 2011

I think a lot of people here understand where you're coming from. I also think men feel the pressure / express their frustrations in a different way than we do. It's tough, it definitely is. I just wanted to let you know a lot of people are sharing your same frustrations. Hang in there!

SpartyMom2B · October 2011

Ash, YGPM.

ral1985 · October 2011

kristykay123:
I think a lot of people are in the same boat as you for whatever reason. Not everyone BDs all the time. We upped it now that we're TTC. After we BD he's like "put that one on your little app!" talking about FF app on my phone lol. At least your husband understands the whole O thing...mine thinks he has super sperm and can get me KU anytime.

lol, THIS. I try to avoid bringing too many details into conversation because I know he starts feeling the pressure. We actually got PG without trying at all the first time, so he thinks it should be super-easy now that we are TTC #2...

dani2480 · October 2011

Just wanted to echo the others to say that you're not alone! I think our society perpetuates this idea that men are all sex-crazed Sir Humpalots, who would stick their penis in anything warm, if they could get away with it. The reality is that many men aren't that way -- and it doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong with them. But because it goes against what our culture defines as "normal", most men with lower libidos don't ever talk about it (and will sometimes lie to their buddies to make it seem like they have more sex than they do). So it further perpetuates the myth that men should always be horny, because nobody is hearing the flip side.

Women are the same -- some want sex all the time, others never, the rest fall somewhere in between. Different people have different libidos, and sometimes they aren't compatible within a marriage, and take some work to understand and come to agreements about.

If you're interested, I'd suggest picking up "The Sex-Starved Wife" by Michele Weiner Davis. It's a great book that talks about men with lower sex drives, and provides advice for their wives (who may have high sex drives and be feeling frustrated, or who just want to better understand their husbands). It talks about all the different reasons men's libidos can be low (from normal reasons, to health-related ones) and how to figure it out, and what to do about it. You might find this helpful for dealing with your husband with TTC (in fact, I think there was a section in there about TTC and men with low libidos).

Oem617 · October 2011

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate the support.

buckeyebaby814 · October 2011

jesssy1204:
Im sorry, maybe try to make it fun? Dress up, or have a glass of wine and start with a lot of fourplay? Maybe it will help H get more into it? Good luck

This!! I've found that fore play has been a very successful precursor getting in some EOD/ED action!

Brodyrox30 · October 2011

jesssy1204:
Im sorry, maybe try to make it fun? Dress up, or have a glass of wine and start with a lot of fourplay? Maybe it will help H get more into it? Good luck

This made me giggle. Apparently I have the sense of humour of a 12 year old boy! OP, I would suggest twoplay when TTC. Stick out tongue

Also, I know where you are coming from. MH seems to think it will happen right away and I know he will be upset if it doesn't (just because he is so excited about it), even though he knows it can take a while. Hang in there!

TeacherGirl17 · October 2011

I completely agree. DH and I try to have sex EOD, but we always end up missing days because he wants a sex break or I am tired after coming home from work. Your post is great because I thought we were the only ones frustrated about this. Thank you for posting!

jess9802 · October 2011

FWIW, looking at your chart I wouldn't be surprised if you ovulated today or tomorrow. Your chart looks a lot like mine from last month - my temperature had a downward trend until the day of ovulation, when it dipped very low, then it spiked the next day. I was using both Wondfo OPKs and the Answer brand from Wal-Mart; I got positives on the former and negatives on the latter. You may be using the wrong test strips, or you might have a short surge. I'd test again tonight.

And yeah, DH and I are in the once or twice a week club. We exhausted ourselves last month with sex five days in a row. It actually made things less comfortable for me, so this month we tried to stick to EOD. Much easier for both of us.

SadieTop · October 2011

I am right there with you sista! Hang in there....and we have six nieces and nephews with three on the way!! We are the only ones with out kids so I feel ya!

GermanGirl2007 · October 2011

Ash-don't be embarassed. I think more people are in your boat than you realize. Before TTC we were only having sex about once a week too....if that. Embarrassed It's increased a bit now, which is fun, but it definitely is a challenge to explain timing and work it out with DH, when it really hasn't been something that we worried about before. I think it is a fine line (at least with us), between explaining enough to get timing right, and not explaining so much that it takes the fun out of things and makes it seem forced.

I agree with PP that it looks like you could be Oing today or possibly tomorrow. I would take this opportunity to seduce your DH Wink Good luck to you, lady!

Oem617 · October 2011

GermanGirl2007:

Ash-don't be embarassed. I think more people are in your boat than you realize. Before TTC we were only having sex about once a week too....if that. It's increased a bit now, which is fun, but it definitely is a challenge to explain timing and work it out with DH, when it really hasn't been something that we worried about before. I think it is a fine line (at least with us), between explaining enough to get timing right, and not explaining so much that it takes the fun out of things and makes it seem forced.

I agree with PP that it looks like you could be Oing today or possibly tomorrow. I would take this opportunity to seduce your DH Good luck to you, lady!

I really hope so, every cycle seems to get longer. Thank you for the kind words!

KatieB1116 · October 2011

I really appreciate this post because I really thought I was in the minority with only 1 time a week prior to TTC. My friends didn't understand when I tried to explain that ED just was not going to be an option for us. I actually think MH will feel better about himself if I tell him that there are lots of couples going through the same stuff we are. He was starting to get down on himself, thinking that he was not like "normal" guys. Thanks for all your encouragement & support ladies!

happilyeverafterxo · October 2011

Awww! Sorry you are feeling frustrated, sweets! That must be a hard situation to be in...a lot of us can relate though!

I hope things get better! XOXO!

bwe1100 · October 2011

I'm sorry for the frustration, Ash. FWIW, I'm not in my FW yet, but have gotten turned down for the past few nights b/c MH's tired. I really hope he gets his energy back by next week!

Here's hoping you O soon, and you guys can just cuddle for a while. Smile

Carolinagirl413 · October 2011

I can totally relate. My "norm" over the last few months has been the day before O I have a big temp drop, the day of O it goes up a bit, and then you see the temp shift. This month, around CD 15, which is my average, I had my big dip with a rise on CD16...woohoo...except that I had a dip on CD 17 with a rise on CD 18...okay, this is it...dip on CD 19... So here I am on CD 24, hoping that tomorrows temp will be up again, and I will have my crosshairs. DH has been under an enormous amount of stress at work, and every time I told him O hadn't happened yet, he almost looked bummed. Fingers crossed we both hit it just right this month!

katiebug58 · October 2011

Sorry you are having a down day! As others have said I don't think you are alone in the once/week or less category. Work and life make it difficult to find alone time when you are both awake Smile Have you heard of the book 101 Nights of Grrreat Romance? It is a fun way to make time to "date" each other. I love that you take turns planning the dates and making each other feel special. I bought my copy online for a great price!

SuperThat1006 · October 2011

I'm sorry you're frustrated! I can definitely understand and relate.

If I can offer you one piece of advice, it's to avoid the technical stuff with your DH. Men (or at least most men) don't want to hear about charting and temping and OPKs, etc., etc. My DH told me that hearing about all that stuff made it seem so technical and he had a difficult time wanting to have sex.

Typically, I will just try to pursue him without letting him know why and - if that doesn't work - I will give him a general heads up that "we're getting to 'that time'".

I hope things get easier!

FYI, a great (and hilarious) book to read is:

KNemo · October 2011

I am sorry you are struggling. My hubby gets like this too. I think it's hard for them too, but they don't express themselves as well. TTC takes all the romance and appeal out of sex, and that sucks. But it doesn't have to be that way. You've gotten a ton of great suggestions.

I want to check out the book 101 Nights of Grrrreat Romance now, because I am the one not feeling BDing EOD!

mrslaurah · October 2011

I'm in the same boat, so don't feel bad! DH told me to just not tell him when I'm due to O so that he doesn't feel pressured when it comes down to BD time. Good luck!!!

Oceanbabe2012 · October 2011

ashcurious:
DH is frustating me. Timing sex during the fertitile window seems to be really hard for us.

I told him at the start of this cycle, that we would have to have sex EOD for at least 10days. We started last week. So last night I am venting to him about my chart and how my temp went down, when I thought it would go up and about OPKs which have all been negative so far this cycle. He was like "can't you figure out when you O?" Umm, it is NOT that easy. I am trying! Temping, checking CM and CP (this cycle), and using OPKs.

I know this vent sounds silly, but DH and I do not have sex as often as others. Until we started TTC, we only had sex like once a week if that. I am embarassed to admit that, but it is true. I really don't want to presure him, but it is really hard. Being around his family this weekend, and with all these babies around. We both really want to have a baby, and it is just getting to us. I know we have not been trying for that long, and I usally don't complain about these kind of things, but I just had to get it out.

Thanks for listening, if you made it that far. I just need a drink today.

If he wants a baby that bad he will want to have sex...all the time!

Switzerland87 · October 2011

That was us last month. For us, though, it's also a matter of DH working 70-100 hrs/week and being exhausted on top of feeling the pressure to get me pregnant. We decided that if he won't shoot me down unless he's truly about to pass out from sleep deprivation, I won't tell him I'm fertile until after the fact. He say's if he doesn't know I'm fertile, he doesn't feel that pressure.

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