Not answering questions

ArcticFox · October 2011

DD purposefully doesn't answer questions a lot. Tonight my DH asked her if she wanted to go to the ice cream shop and she made some grouchy faces and wouldn't answer him, so he left (he's in the middle of a huge project), so then she flipped out and started crying. What the heck?

It can be anything from asking her what movie she wants to see, to breakfast, to whatever. I know she hears me, and a lot of situations I know she's more involved in other stuff (like arts & crafts or watching TV) - but I'm talking about what she's standing there and I ask her a question.

I've had to tell her there will be consequences for not answering (like when I need an answer right away), but she doesn't necessarily care. I know kids don't really 'get' urgency a lot, but even when I tell her (if you don't tell me what ice cream you want, you're not getting any), that doesn't always work either.

Any thoughts on why this is the case or how to make it better?

kmhunt11 · October 2011

Ugh. Frustrating!

My only thoughts are to catch her when she's feeling agreeable and talk about why she does it. Other than that, when it's a positive thing like ice cream, let her suffer the consequences. Let her pitch a fit if she misses out on things. I think your hubby did the perfect thing in just going. When it's not a happy, fun thing don't ask her, tell her. When we ask it makes us seem a little weaker and like it's an option. If it's not a choice it shouldn't be a question. (This comes from my teacher training. I got ripped to shreds in student teaching by my supervisor for following up requests with "Ok?").

howleyshell · October 2011

You're being kind by offering options.

When she doesn't respond and you believe it's out of spite or an attempt to be difficult make the decision on her behalf. If it happens frequently or you notice a pattern (hungry, tired, first thing in the morning) stop giving her options at those times.

When she freaks out about it: "I offered you a choice but you didn't respond. I'll offer you a choice for breakfast again tomorrow and you can decide if you want to respond with a decision or have me make it for you, OK?"

With things like what movie to see? My guys take FOREVER to figure out what they want to watch. Is it possible she's just thinking about her decision? When that's the case I tell them they've got 2 minutes to negotiate a decision or we will just skip the movie.

Could you give her 2 minutes to think about it and decide on her answer sometimes? If deciding on breakfast is so urgent that you don't have 2 minutes to give her then try putting her to bed earlier and getting her up earlier so your mornings are not as rushed.

Some kids just HATE being rushed. If that's her see if you can build in some extra time to your schedule so it's not as big an issue.

jason&robin · October 2011

One of the things we focus a lot on in our house is respect. DS has the melissa and doug responsibility charts and one of his "goals" for the day is to show respect. It's a pretty broad category but we will give him warnings if we feel like is being disrespectful. If he started making faces at me for stuff like you are say, I'd make him go without. I wouldn't give him the choice anymore and I would tell him that he is being disrespectful. That's just how we are in our house though. I definitely think if she is choosing to give you a face instead of answer your question, then you make it for her and don't give in when she cries or whines about it. I really don't have a problem with telling my kids "sorry, too bad"/

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