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whiterabbit5 · October 2011

I know this may sound like a stupid question but it is what has been bugging me for a few weeks now. My DH and I just got married at the end of the may. A few months later we got pregnant. We are both ecstatic and so are our parents. Unfortunately, two friends of mine feel that we made the wrong decision in getting pregnant so early. They haven't said so to my face, however one girl isn't talking to me AT ALL and the other you can tell she is forcing herself to be interested in anything I say. Now I know their opinions shouldn't matter to me at all, but I just can't help it. I just want to look at them and say, "IT'S NOT YOUR LIFE! WE'RE HAPPY SO DEAL WITH IT". But I probably won't. I just wasn't sure if any of you ladies had any advice on dealing with friends like these. They were both bridesmaids in my wedding and I'd hate to lose them as friends.

westrose · October 2011

I was in a simaliar situation when I got married. I got married very quickly after dating my now husband and my friends were not that excited. It took time for me to see but they were worried about me. We talked it out and I said you need to trust me. I love him and this is going to work. As my friends I need you to support me. I know that it exactly the same, but I bet your friends are just concerned for you. Talk to them and work it out.

DragonflyBelle · October 2011

Well, I will tell you that after you have a baby, your group of friends may dwindle and then all but go away until you make friends with couples with children. All of our friends were newlyweds or married w/o kids and it was like we had the plague after we had a child. Thankfully we have made friends with some amazing people with kids and those couples that couldn't be bothered with us are now having babies and finding out what it's like to be treated that way.

This really hurt my feelings for quite a while and I have just now gotten to the point where I can be around those people at various events and J is almost 4. These same people were not there for us when we lost our second child. I have to try very hard to be kind to them.

MarxieVonTrapp · October 2011

I would, as westrose said, talk to them. There may be something more to it than what you think, and don't forget that not everyone finds your pregnancy as exciting as you do (except for the rest of us on this board).

jcsntms06 · October 2011

Most likely they are just jealous. You have to live your life the way you want to live it. I had a few friends who weren't happy when we got pregnant, but what are you going to do? Unfortunately it sounds like these friends aren't truly your friends.

ImThisBabysMom · October 2011

I believe in being honest, especially with close friends. I would nicely explain that you're happy and them saying that stuff hurts you and you'd like them to be more supportive. If they are good friends, they will keep those opinions to themselves from here on out.

FusionLMT · October 2011

Without knowing more about your friends I have to say they are either jealous or concerned. Pregnancy and having kids brings out interesting dimensions in others in your life. Relationships change and you will find new mommy friends as well. I absolutely have friends that are jealous of me and those relationships have dwindled to commenting on facebook, but other friendships have really blossomed. Just enjoy your pregnancy!

whiterabbit5 · October 2011

Flashy:
Could it possibly be that maybe they have been trying for a baby? I know that this might not be the case, but for 2 years while my DH and I were trying it seemed like everyone else was getting pregnant without even trying at all. Even though I knew I shouldnt be mean/jealous of those other people, it didnt make it any less easy to be happy for them. It just hurt me so much that they had what I wanted, and it seemed like for me it would be unatainable.

Baby envy is a hard thing for some people. No matter how hard I tried to be excited for my friends that found out that they were expecting, I would still find a million reasons why it should be me.

First off thank you to everyone for the advice. I don't think jealousy is the issue. One woman is married with two kids and the other has made it abundantly clear that she does not want kids. She thinks they limit your freedom. So for me, jealousy wouldn't be a factor. They have both said that you should wait a year before having kids b/c the first year is the toughest and you should really get to know your partner. I think that's just silly. We know each other better than anyone. We lived together before and we both wanted this. I'll probably speak up and find out what's going on b/c it's just annoying at this point. If they don't like it, then they can keep it to themselves.

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