Poll: Lap Dance

ela81 · October 2011

I have a couple of questions

Do you like your DH going to a strip club (full nude)?

Do you assume he is going to get a lap dance?

Do you mind if your DH gets a lap dance from a fully nude girl - knowing it involves then touching your DH's upper thighs with their hands and their breasts on your DH's head/face?

Also, just to throw it out there I have hear girls say, "He comes home to me so I don't care". I have to say that is something I have never understood, he could sleep with 30 women and come home to you but, it does not make it okay.

If you can't tell I'm slightly pissed right now and DH thinks I'm nuts.

ETA: It was a bachelor party. And get this...."everybody got one and I did not even pay for it". An intoxicated newly divorced friend was paying for them...

leslie&brian · October 2011

I'd prefer DH not go to strip clubs, and thankfully he doesn't enjoy them so the only time he goes is for a bachelor party. I haven't gotten mad at him going for a bachelor party, but I'd be extremely pissed if he received a lap dance. I don't understand the thinking of "I don't care since he comes home to me" either. I think it's wrong for a married man to have a naked woman, whom isn't his wife, grinding all up in his business.

KYRN · October 2011

They're not really DH's thing. I wouldn't mind if he went for a bachelor party or someone's birthday or something. Just for a Saturday night or something I wouldn't be happy. And I would say no to a lap dance, I think DH has had 1 before we were married and someone else paid for it. I'm not even sure DH has been to one since we've been married (6 years).

Now that we have been married for this long and have kids, it's not his party etc. I would be pissed about him getting a lap dance for no reason, or probably just going to a strip club that wasn't for an event. I just don't see the point.

sommerrayne · October 2011

My inital gut response was "F TO THE H TO THE NO! HE CAN NOT GO!" And maybe that's how I feel. I'm trying to be compassionate and understanding. I get that men are more visual. I get that they have different "wiring" than women do. I get that porn has been around since before Jesus. I get it. And, on the whole, I don't have a problem with porn but going and having other women rub their fully nude bodies on a married man just doesn't jive with me. In my opinion, its a gateway. Its a very slippery slope. How do you say "Yea I was ok with that complete stranger rub their labia on your lap but I am just _SHOCKED_ that you participated in _____ (something a step further)."

I just don't see how it adds up to something a married man needs to be doing. I guess, now as a mom, I view my actions in the light of "I spend my days and nights behaving how I would want my children to behave. I behave in a manner that conveys the dignity, pride, and honor I have for my self, my body, my marriage, my family, & my community."

That stripper is someone's daughter. That stripper is someone's baby. I can't get over that.

I can't get over that a married man who stood in front of God and his family and professed to "Hold true only unto his wife" woudl find it appropriate to go have another woman's breasts and crotch all up on his biz. That's disrespectful in the very least of it.

Dragonfly1226 · October 2011

Dh has only ever been to a strip club once since I have been with him. It was his brother's bachelor party. His brother is really shy and they thought it would be funny to see his reaction. It wasn't a full strip club though. And he would never even think of getting any sort of lap dance. It just isn't him. Maybe it's because I could never imagine dh even wanting to do this, but I don't think it is something that is okay in a marriage. I can understand going if it is a special occasion (like a bachelor party... But how many of those are there now that all our friends are married). But the sort of contact you are describing is way out of line IMO. I guess I am on your side with this one.

naflmj · October 2011

DH goes to strip clubs very rarely...like every 5 years at a bach party and said he's not into lap dances because the girls are gross...I choose to believe him. I don't mind that he goes to stip clubs, lap dances would bother me.

TakYelgif · October 2011

DH doesn't go to strip clubs. He feels that once a man is married engaging in those types of activities is disrespectful to your marriage and your spouse.

ETA I know his oppinion on the subject will be flameworthy to some folks I am just conveying how MY husband feels about this subject

dundasgirl · October 2011

When the guys (my DH and our close group of guy friends) were younger, they used to go to the strip club once or twice a year for someone's birthday or if someone was leaving (moving jobs or whatever). I don't think it's a big deal to go with a group for the male bonding...and I know my DH has had a lap dance bought for him on his birthday. The guys made fun of my DH for about 3 years because he was so awkward when they bought him the lap dance.

I don't think it's great. But I don't think it's the end of the world. Having said that, the last trip to the strip club was probably the year we got married (5 years ago).

If my DH went on his own, I would lose my mind, lap dance or not.

I understand your feelings though.

AlissaCell701 · October 2011

naflmj:
DH goes to strip clubs very rarely...like every 5 years at a bach party and said he's not into lap dances because the girls are gross...I choose to believe him. I don't mind that he goes to stip clubs, lap dances would bother me.

This. It really doesn't bother me.. And I have actually have been to a strip club W DH an he was right the girls were gross. I just wanted to see what it was like.. Now I am sure in Vegus they are full of pretty girls but in RI not so much..I also think that if dH was going like every week or month that would send some red flags up.. But once a year at most for a Bach party not a huge deal.

desabean · October 2011

Eh, do I "like" it? No-- but I really don't care. My DH is not a skirt chaser. Last time he went to a strip club was about 1.5 years ago for a bachelor party and I can't think of the last time he went that wasn't for a bachelor party. I think usually he is too drunk to give a crap about a lap dance (how drunk he gets when out with the boys is a bigger issue to me than him going to a strip club).

However, I do find lapdances to be a little nasty and would prefer that he not get one. He claims to not be interested in them but has gotten them-- he says there is actually a fair amount of pressure to get them there, but.....I'm not sure that he doesn't feel unfairly pressured because he is drunk. Sober DH is to cheap to feel pressured into buying anything ; )

With that said, I am not worried in the slightest about him ever doing anything with a woman from a strip club. While I am sure he enjoys seeing naked women, I do believe the lap dances are probably not that much "fun" for him as it would never go anywhere so what is the point-- kwim? I think he likes the clubs more for the comraderie of the guys.

chocolatechip06 · October 2011

I don't like strip clubs and neither does DH...however for his bachelor party his friend organized a trip there...I was/not happy with this-but there were no lap dances involved-that is really not DH's thing and he knew I'd be furious if lap dances were involved.

lrrb · October 2011

OMGosh I would be SO SO SO pissed off. You have every right to be pissed. Ask him how he would like it if another guy put their penis in your face (not that you would want that hahaha) I mean COME ON MEN, how could they think that getting a FULLY NUDE LAP DANCE is fine with wives?

ps I'm sorry he did that to you, I'm sure you are very upset, I would be too. Hang in there sweetie!

JustaKidAtHeart · October 2011

Im in the I dont care if he goes camp. I am also in the I dont care if he gets a lap dance group. He hardly ever goes because like the other hubbies he says the girls are gross. I have told DH before that if he wants one get one just remember she doesnt put out after and I do so if you want a lab dance and sex just ask.

Maybe he and I are desensitized to it because he used to HAVE TO go all the time. He worked for a company where he took adults with disabilities on outings. The consumers got to pick the outings/make the calendar. He was the only male working there at the time so the male consumers would always want to go. He worked there 2 years and went to a club 1-2 times a month depending on how many of the consumers in the program wanted to go. He switched companies just before the boys were born and has only been to a club once sense then. He took a friend that had never been and wanted to go but didnt want to go alone.

ETA: DH says they are only fully nude on stage. He also says the club here there is no booze because they are nude. The topless club serves booze but not the fully nude one.

TamTam624 · October 2011

I would prefer DH not go to strip clubs. I dont get it, like the other response said that is someone's daughter etc.

As far as full nude lap dance, that would probably send me over the edge. I thnk my initial response would be what if the situation was reverse and a fully nude man tried to pleasure me even though I kept my clothes on would it be okay. I am sure my DH would say Helllllll NOOOOOO!

As for the line he came home to me etc. Ugh I hate hate hate when women say that. My SIL says that about my BIL all the time and all I can think is "What does that make you?"

If you are married he should be coming home to you because that is his desire to be with his wife, his family the life he had made. It should never be an at least. That's just my opinion.

I agree you have the right to be mad.

dana316 · October 2011

We don't do strip clubs...at all...ever...

I would be super, super, unbelievably pissed.

That would be absolutely unacceptable at my house.

Sorry....

Go_Dawgs · October 2011

Since you are from Atlanta . . .

A lap dance at the Clermont Lounge? No biggie.

A lap dance at the Cheetah? I'd be pissed as hell.

ela81 · October 2011

Go_Dawgs:
Since you are from Atlanta . . .
A lap dance at the Clermont Lounge? No biggie.
A lap dance at the Cheetah? I'd be pissed as hell.

LOL- Neither. They went to 2 but, the lap dances came from the Pink Pony....

I've been to both that dh went to and seen touching on the dancers part at both, not a ton but any amount is soooo not cool with me Super Angry

Go_Dawgs · October 2011

ela81:
Go_Dawgs:
Since you are from Atlanta . . .
A lap dance at the Clermont Lounge? No biggie.
A lap dance at the Cheetah? I'd be pissed as hell.
LOL- Neither. They went to 2 but, the lap dances came from the Pink Pony....
I've been to both that dh went to and seen touching on the dancers part at both, not a ton but any amount is soooo not cool with me

I'm sorry. I'd be extremely upset over a lap dance from anywhere but the Clermont Lounge I tell DH that he is welcome to go there any time he wants, but if he wants to go to any other strip club, I go with him (maybe weird, but it's the only way I feel comfortable with it). He's never taken me up on either, lol. I don't blame you for being upset. Lap dances for married men are totally not cool (unless the wife has given her blessing) - especially a fully nude one. I'd be pretty livid.

Dochas · October 2011

I'd prefer he not go to a strip club, but would understand a bachelor party when 'everyone was going'. He doesn't have any bachelor party opps though and he wouldn't want to go. I don't think it's something he would have ever enjoyed. Even as a single guy he'd rather just have a real date and hope for sex. He's always been a relationship person.

Getting a lap dance, IMO, is cheating. I should say 'our opinion' because we are on the same page with it. I'm quite certain you could walk into a bar and get a guy to take his clothes off and rub up against you - for free - in about 8 seconds. He's okay with that?

TheSkimmy · October 2011

I really don't care. Go have fun. I have gotten lap dances- I know my DH has gotten lap dances. His bachelor party was in Vegas. His BF had strippers come to their house for his. He's not going alone and honestly they aren't that bad. Most guys buy them for each other.

I think my dad bought DH one for his bachelor party. They are for entertainment. The woman's body is beautiful and men go to see things they probably don't see at home. I've been to more strip clubs than DH probably has.

gymnst1013 · October 2011

Do you like your DH going to a strip club (full nude)? I don't mind

Do you assume he is going to get a lap dance? Yes, I assume he will get a lap dance

Do you mind if your DH gets a lap dance from a fully nude girl - knowing it involves then touching your DH's upper thighs with their hands and their breasts on your DH's head/face? No I don't mind.

I'm sure I'm in the minority here but honestly nothing about strippers bugs me. He had his bachelor party at our house and they had 2 strippers here. I know there was all sorts of craziness and I couldn't have cared less. He had fun and (even though you don't understand it he came home to me - well I came home to him.

We have a very open relationship - not that either of us has ever (or likely will ever) cheated, but we just don't care about that sort of thing.

TheSkimmy · October 2011

p.s. I feel that if he's gonna cheat he's gonna cheat... I highly doubt it would be with a stripper.

ela81 · October 2011

TheSkimmy:
p.s. I feel that if he's gonna cheat he's gonna cheat... I highly doubt it would be with a stripper.

I'm not actually worried about cheating, I just think lap dances are wrong when you're married and your wife did not give it the okay.

He said no boob touched him. I do believe that b/c be does not like to touch other people, pretty or not, he's a total germaphobe. Either way, I don't need a girl in her bday suit dancing between his legs.

crystalgirl · October 2011

I'm not okay with any of that.

I'm really sorry.

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