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Attachment Parenting
KCKappa
member
If you BF'd past one year...
KCKappa
member
How did your DH feel about it? I definitely want to BF until DD is at least 2 yrs old and DH is on board with that - but he's already said multiple times "as long as you're not still nursing her when she's 5." But what if she wants to BF until she's 5? I feel like I would be fine with it and would love to allow her to just wean herself whenever she wants to... but it sounds like if that's much after 2 yrs old, I'll be getting some resistance from DH. I know it's a long time from now, but did anyone who BF'd a toddler have to discuss it with their DH for a while before he came around to the idea?
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Re: If you BF'd past one year...
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
This wasn't something we discussed. BFing was going so well and was so important to DD, and I knew the benefits, so of course I continued to BF. Then one day DH wanted to eat dinner, but DD is used to nursing around 5/6:00 and hadn't yet, and wanted to... I said wait until we're done and he said "isn't she getting old for that??", kind of exasperated.
I was surprised because I assumed we were on the same page. I mentioned studies recommending at least until 2, health benefits, and a list of other moms I know with LOs the same age who are still nursing. He was surprised, admitted maybe it wasn't so weird, and hasn't say anything since. I think he's still annoyed sometimes, but there are other times when it calms her down or gets her right back to sleep, then he's all for it.
I am getting a little tired of all the nursing and was thinking about night weaning, but then DD dropped one feeding on her own, so that gives me hope. I don't have a set age, but if things go like they are so far I can see myself being ready to quit before she is. So, basically, I'm taking it as it comes. I think DH would be a little freaked out by a 3-year-old nursing, definitely a 5-year-old, but we'll just see how it goes.
My DH was horrified when I annouced that I wanted to nurse C at least until 18 months, maybe 2. C was about 4 months old, and prior to that we both agreed on a year. BFing has been great for us, no pain or problems from day 1. My Dh would say, "really, can you imagine Leo (our neighbors kid who was 18 months at the time) still nursing". Well Leo is a giant of a kid, so no I couldn't imagine him nursing (as in was in 2T - 3T clothes at 18 months). Prior to having C I thought nursing pass 1 was "gross", "weird", and something those hippy moms did. So I kind of understand where my dh was coming from. I also got the same comments from ALL of my family. My mother would comment everytime C didn't want to nurse, that maybe he was weaning (he was 6 months, 7 months, 8 months old). It was all very frustrating!
Fast forward to now...C is now over a year and NO ONE has said a word about us still nursing. I think now they see that C is happy, I'm happy, and it is what works for us. If C was ready to wean at a year, I would have. However, he's not even ready to night wean at this point. My Dh (who was grossed out by nursing past a year), is now horrified that I would "force" C to night wean. The other night C had nursed 10 times by midnight (got to love teething!), I had had enough and C was crying because my boobs just couldn't take it (oh I had a yeast infection too). My Dh woke up and said "what are the boobs broken, give the kid the boob, the kid needs the boob" (all very jokingly). We've been on vacation with my family and ILs and no one has made any comments about me nursing C. We are down to only nursing only 3-4 times a day and I think when people thought about nursing a toddler, they though we stil would be nursing every 2-3 hours.
So long story short. I wouldn't worry about what your Dh's views on extended breast feeding are just yet. I would wait and cross that bridge when you get there. Your daughter may wean by 2 or your Dh may realize that there just isn't that big of difference in nursinga 24 month old vs a 30 month old toddler.
Good Luck!
*on a side note, neither me or my DH would be OK if C wanted to nurse until 3, it just isn't for us. If C hasn't weaned by 2, I will start encouraging the process a little more.
I'm planning on nursing for almost as long as DS wants - depending on if he wants to go until 2 or 4. If he still wants to nurse as he's approaching age 3, I'll probably try to encourage other forms of food and comfort.
DH shocked me by being very supportive of this when I told him. He agrees that breast milk is the best thing for DS to have now, and he's ok with DS nursing for a few years, and even the possibility of tandem nursing (shocker to me).
His only problem with it, he said, is that he can't stand being, um, held back from that part of me for so long. We're planning on having 3-4 (maybe more) kids, God willing, and we want them to be kind of close together if possible. Add to that my breast sensitivity during pregnancy and them being over-touched as it is, and I'm reluctant to let DH around them. He said if he has to go for a decade without access then he's going to get pretty cranky. I think I'm gonna have to take one for the team on that front. (No pun intended.)
My husband doesn't care how long I choose to BF. Before I asked him I prepared myself on the nutritional benefits that breastmilk gives in the toddler years, but it turns out he was very open to it.
My advice is to just educate him. Show him the articles highlighting the benefits that nursing into the toddler years provides and how great it is for the bond between you and your LO.
It's not like he's the one providing the milk
for us, and i'm assuming this is common for others too, but we realized at one year old what a BABY she still was. i thought it would be this huge milestone, but really it wasnt (and my kid walked at 9.5 months old so it had nothing to do with mobility). they are just still small... there is nothing magical about the day AFTER they turn one that makes BF'ing bad for them, or makes it a huge pain for mom/baby. it's still nice. it's still easy. it's still comforting for the sicknesses, the teething, the insecurities (which can increase as they get older)...
so my point is, that our feelings on breastfeeding grew along with our child, and we responded to her needs and went with what felt right for our family.
i also want to add that weaning her at 2.5 years was SO SO EASY compared to how it would've been at 1. i know it's not easy for everyone, but we could talk to her about it for days beforehand, explain why, etc and she could understand and talk to use about her feelings. i highly suggest the book "How Weaning Happens" too, it will make you feel more comfortable with extended BF'ing once you heard the beautiful stories of older kids weaning. it takes away the stigma that it's "gross", etc.. good luck!
My kid got his first tooth at 4 months. He's almost 9 months now and is about to cut his seventh tooth. If you have an early teether as well, and you choose to wean, you will have to switch to formula. Here's a good place to start your research.
We're almost to the 2yr mark. DH is fine with it. It's still a magical power that makes the noise stop, so he likes it. 12-24mo is still really such a baby, I don't see how anyone can say they are too big (despite the fact that DS is huge, 38" 30lb so he looks like a 3yo)
I BF'd DD until 17mo and weaned to get pg again. I thought she was a boob addict, but DS has shown me what a boob addict really is. He would nurse every 2 hours if I let him, but we usually get by with about 4 times... though early morning is a marathon and that's what I'm starting to resent.
I would suggest that you not worry about what will happen at 5yrs. Get his agreement that BFing to 2yo is a good thing and that you'll discuss year 3 when baby is 23mo. Because it might be a moot point by then. Or DH might think differently by then. Or you might just be done by then.
I certainly never planned to BF as long as I have. If you take it one day at a time, I think you'll be surprised at how it works out.
When your toddler is teething, or sick and unable to keep down any solid food, or hurt in some way, your DH will probably be happy to know that you've got the magic stuff to make it all better.
I'm hoping by the emoticon following this that you realize what a weird statement that is. I've never met any nursing child (not infant) who expects to latch on to anyone's breast but his/her own mother's.
I wasn't in this position myself, but I know a small handful of kids who didn't wean prior to going to preschool (preschool starts at age 2 or 2.5 around here) and they had no problem going for extended periods at school without nursing.
DS is from a previous relationship, and his father was never supportive of me bfing at all.
My husband (Pearl's father) is very supportive of me bfing, he did say that after 4 years old he would find it kinda weird...but i used the analogy that BM is always good for you, just like veggies are always good for you...you cant grow out of getting nutrients from veggies. That made him feel a bit more comfortable about it, but we will tackle 4 years when (if) we get there.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Give him some time. When your daughter is 2 and still wanting to nurse he'll see how she's still little and still needs comforting. When my DD was 5 months, I thought I might go to a year. No more than that, because I couldn't imagine BFing a "big kid". Now she's almost 2 and we're not stopping.
To answer your question. DH is very supportive of whatever I decide re: breastfeeding.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
I nursed DS#1 until he was 14 months- I wonly stopped then to try to become preg. b/c I was not ovalualting nor did I have a period yet. We really wanted another one (turns out it took us over 2 years to get another one)
ANyhow, My dh is supportive of me nursing as long as LO and I want to.
In fact, in the biblical times they nursed until sometime between the ages of 3 and 5. Many cultures today still nurse till past 2. I don't know if that will help you or not.
I know when I first talked about nursing a 2 year old my husband kind of looked at me like, "really? I hadn't thought about that." Our son only nursed until 9 months because I did not work hard enough to maintain my supply. DH is totally supportive of breastfeeding (cleans my pump parts each night, makes sure we have time to just sit and nurse with no interruptions since Amelie is incredibly distractable right now - ugh!, if she's in her crib he'll grab her and bring her to bed to nurse) but I can see how he might think twice because we've never actually seen a child nursing who isn't a teeny tiny baby. The good thing is that you don't just show up with a nursing kid at 2 years old (unless you adopt, but...). It's one day at a time. You just follow the kid's lead and if the kid keeps nursing and hits two then I can't see him thinking that it's weird or that we need to start weaning or something. He'll be great, but it just wasn't something he'd thought of before. I think that's what we forget. It's a process to get there. What's the difference between ok nursing yesterday and not ok nursing today? There isn't one unless the kid thinks there is. That's my opinion on the matter. :-)
It was mostly to be silly, although I did work at a daycare once with a 4/yo who would get kind of handsy at naptime. He never tried to latch of course--we were not a topless daycare!--but since we knew he'd been weaned pretty recently and had always been nursed down to naps before that, we didn't make a big deal about it unless he was super whiny about it and kept the other kids from napping. Even the younger kids who were actively nursing at home and/or got bottles of breastmilk at daycare were never like that, so it was clear he was the exception and not the rule.