Babies: 6 - 9 Months

Career/Working Mom vs SAHM??

hi, i have a 6.5mo girl, and i love her to death. i really love spending time with her, and ever since she was born, i don't care at all about work. it's bad though b/c i worked so hard all my life, went to a top undergrad, top 3 mba program, got a really high-paying investment job, etc. now i feel like i am just giving it up bc i don't feel like i can do both. so many people ask me how they can get into my industry/get a job where i work, and i feel silly that i went through all this hard work/schooling to just give it up. but i really don't have the desire to work here anymore. and part of it is that my husband also works in the investment world, has long hours, etc. and i feel like it's impossible for both of us to have the same type of jobs and handle a family. any moms who went through similar situations, and decided to either give up working and just stay at home? if so, any regrets? also, what about moms in similar situations who decided to continue working? i love my husband -- he's so great. but so many people have warned me that the divorce rate in this nation is so high -- so you can't count on someone else to make money for you. what do you think??

Re: Career/Working Mom vs SAHM??

  • I was totally on your page until you got to the whole divorce part.  I was exactly where you are when I went back to work (when P was about 3 mos.) I was missing him like crazy and everyone said it would get better... but it was more than just that. I felt like all of a sudden I didn't care about work. I worked very hard to get where I was and like to think I was good at my job. After leave, I just wasn't present. I couldn't focus on futures and derivatives when all I cared about was poop and breastmilk. I am one of those people that wants to give 100% and I felt like I couldn't do 100% career and 100% mommy. I quit my job.  Like you, my hubby is in the financial industry too- at my same company as a matter of fact.  I know he makes enough to support us, but I never had the thought that we'd divorce and I'd need my own money. I don't believe in divorce unless he cheated- in which case i'd take him to court... and take him to the bank!  LOL

    You have to do what is right for you. As i'm sure you know, being a SAHM is not easy. My job now is 10x more demanding than my old job... but my boss is much cuter ;)  For me personally, the weight of the world was lifted when I quit. It's a sacrifice financially, but soooo worth it. I keep saying:  i'm broke and exhausted, but i'm so happy I don't care!

    And if you do the SAH thing for awhile and decide to go back to work, you can go back.  It's not always easy to find a job and just pick up where you left off, but you're a smart cookie :)  Just keep your connections- your references and keep networking. Being a SAHM isn't a career death sentence- it can be a hiatus!  GL!

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  • I dont know that I'm in your exact situation but I have a degree I am not using because u choose to sah. Personally I knew it was a decision I'd never regret and DH and I discussed before getting pregnant that this is what we would do. I think you have to listen to your heart. If you decide SAhM isn't your thing you still have your education and work experience for your resume. No one can take that away from you.
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  • I worked hard to get my PhD and have a great job that I love. It definitely was hard going back after being home for 6 months, but there were a few things that made it much easier for me to choose to keep working: 1) we found an amazing home daycare that I trust and ds loves with another baby his age. We first had him in a center and he was miserable, and so was I. I was ready to quit asap! So, I pulled him after one week, stayed home for a few days and went crazy looking for something really great, and I am so grateful we found one. Without that, working felt impossible; 2) my work is VERY family friendly. My boss is a single mom of twin boys, so she just gets it! I work from home at least one day per week and dh works from home 2 days per week, so we really get to have some extra time with ds since we can avoid the commute most days, plus we adjust our schedules to have more time with ds, so I work early and dh works late. If anything comes up, it's easy for me to leave at the drop of a hat and/or just work from home; and 3) my job has amazing benefits and we depend on my pay. We pay nothing for health insurance, I have a solid pension of 50% eventually, and I get 30 days of leave per year plus all federal holidays, so I can take off almost as much as I need to or want usually, and my sick leave is unlimited.

    Maybe you can find something with more family friendly hours? Or even stop for a year and then go back? It definitely was a transition and I miss ds a lot, but I am also happy now to be back at work since it doesn't really feel like "work" to me, as I find what I do fun usually.

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  • I worked hard for my PhD but chose to stay at home. I love being with my DD and am thankful that we can afford it. I'll still have my degree when I decide to look for a job in a few years so I don't feel like I'm wasting all that time and effort. It's a very personal choice and you have to consider what's best for you and your family. Good luck with your decision.
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  • Recently on some news chanel I heard that 1/3 of moms with MBA's decide to drop out of the workforce.   Me included! 

  • I always assumed that I would stay home with my kids when they were young because we could live very comfortably on DH's salary.  And I stayed home for 2 years with DS1...and then I couldn't take it anymore.  I was itching to get back to work, to continue with my career, to have adult interaction...  I worked hard to get my Masters degree and I was starting to feel like I had thrown away my career.

    So, my advice to you is to think long and hard not just about the "now", but about the future.  Yes, it is WONDERFUL to stay home with them when they are little.  I loved it.  But how long do you want to do this for?  What are the prospects for getting back into your field of work?  Think about the long term and don't just get caught up in the cuteness that is NOW.  

    Also, have you always wanted to be a SAHM?  I think that for people who dreamed about it they will be happy with the choice.  I always thought I would be a working mom, my mom worked, and so even though it "seemed" like a logical choice for me, I'm just not cut out to do it and wasn't completely happy. 

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  • I am a working mom: M-F 8-4 and DH also works M-F. I do 2 Saturdays/month as well.

    Between us we have 3 B.S degree's and 3 Masters.

    I think that we make decent salary, but I do not know how we could ever get by without both of us working. We lead a modest lifestyle, but Sally Mae consumes our every dollar.

    I LOVE my job and my LO, but we could never get by without 2 moderate level salaries. Maybe it is just because Boston is an expensive place to live?? I constantly wonder if we should move. But....it is also so important to me to be around family.

  • imagePoppywedding:

    I am a working mom: M-F 8-4 and DH also works M-F. I do 2 Saturdays/month as well.

    Between us we have 3 B.S degree's and 3 Masters.

    I think that we make decent salary, but I do not know how we could ever get by without both of us working. We lead a modest lifestyle, but Sally Mae consumes our every dollar.

    I LOVE my job and my LO, but we could never get by without 2 moderate level salaries. Maybe it is just because Boston is an expensive place to live?? I constantly wonder if we should move. But....it is also so important to me to be around family.

    Yep, it suuuux! But i'm not goin anywhere else! LOL

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  • Wow! you sound like you have a really ideal job. i wish i could find something like that. can i ask what you do? thanks so much for your post.
  • sorry -- my question was to st. augbrid who said she has a very flexible job. and i totally agree about the mba thing. or at least mbas who go into finance jobs. it's nearly impossible to find anything part-time or flexible. so i'd have to completely change industries if i wanted to find something like that.

    lynsi--u really do sound like you went through exactly what i went through now. glad to hear that you were happy staying at home. i think i'm leaning towards the home thing but just so afraid to pull the trigger. but i guess it is possible to find work again, just not the same kind of work.

    it's funny bc i noticed a lot of you are in the boston area. i am too! i wasn't sure if this was a boston/ma forum.

  • Sure! I'm a scientific researcher and my husband is an economist, both for the federal government. Almost all of our work involves research/stats and writing on the computer, so it can be done anywhere and any time, which adds to the flexibility. While dh has great benefits too (starting next year he also will get 4 weeks of vacation plus 2.5 weeks of sick leave per year), mine are unique since I am in the US Public Health Service. We have military benefits, though our deployments are for things like disease outbreaks, hurricane response, etc... and are only 2 weeks long and voluntary. In fact, in our service it's often hard to deploy since events are so limited and most people want to go.

    I have worked at a few agencies in the fed gov and they have all been extremely family friendly and flexible with hours. For instance, one of my husband's friends, also an economist, works 9 hour days to get every other Friday off, and still gets 2 days per week at home. He has a new baby too, and it's been ideal for them as well. Whenever I have issues come up and need to be home for a period (and since ds was a preemie and has lingering medical issues, this is often), I am able to just work from home with him here. Dh does too and we take work/baby shifts. I know we've lucked out with our situation here. Our income is very good, though I know in the business world dh could make a lot more money elsewhere. However, we value the family time over money so at least for now, we choose better hours/flexibility over an increased income. Plus, the job security is a big deal to us too.  

     

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  • imageMustang Sally:

    I always assumed that I would stay home with my kids when they were young because we could live very comfortably on DH's salary.  And I stayed home for 2 years with DS1...and then I couldn't take it anymore.  I was itching to get back to work, to continue with my career, to have adult interaction...  I worked hard to get my Masters degree and I was starting to feel like I had thrown away my career.

    So, my advice to you is to think long and hard not just about the "now", but about the future.  Yes, it is WONDERFUL to stay home with them when they are little.  I loved it.  But how long do you want to do this for?  What are the prospects for getting back into your field of work?  Think about the long term and don't just get caught up in the cuteness that is NOW.  

    Also, have you always wanted to be a SAHM?  I think that for people who dreamed about it they will be happy with the choice.  I always thought I would be a working mom, my mom worked, and so even though it "seemed" like a logical choice for me, I'm just not cut out to do it and wasn't completely happy. 

    Also, this is exactly what I thought about too. In a perfect world, I would be home for 2 years and then go back to my job, but that wasn't an option for me unless I wanted to leave the Public Health Service, which I don't. Also, I know my job at the agency I'm at is hard to come by and I would hate to lose it. There's no way my position would still be open in 2 years from now. Plus, once ds is in school, I also know that I want to for sure be working and doing exactly what I am doing now. So it just made sense for us. But like I said, finding a very high quality and trustworthy daycare was the thing that let me feel like I could make this choice to work. When I drop ds off, he smiles his little head off and when he stays home for medical issues, our provider even calls on her own to ask about him. She cares about him a lot, and that is huge to me. In fact, when I pick him up after work, she holds him when she greets me at the door and takes 5-10 minutes before handing him over, lol. I'm like, give me my baby! : )

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  • Wow. Your job and arrangement sound great! i wish i had thought longer and harder about the work/life balance issue before i started my career. for some reason, it never even popped into my mind before i had my kid. this has changed everything up for me. thanks for sharing your work/job info. that is very helpful for me to learn about other jobs that are more family friendly.

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