are you inviting MIL to your shower if she's not nearby?
iluvmylab
member
MIL lives about 4 hours away from us (and from the town my shower will be held) but I thought I should invite her anyway to be polite. She is divorced from DH's dad and while his dad's side is throwing us a shower, his mom's is not. Which is fine with me, but I thought that it would be really weird to invite her to the shower on his dad's side, even though it is about 2 hours closer. I wanted to invite her to at least one since she is the baby's grandmother.
Fast forward to today- she calls DH and is acting like it's a hassle for her to come and that she would feel guilty if she doesn't. The shower is just ladies, but DH offered for her to come stay the weekend at our house, he would drive her to my hometown (I will be heading there the day before) to the shower, stay with her there since she won't really know anyone, then bring her back to Houston to our house where she can stay the night. She's making a huge deal out of this now because she doesn't want to feel guilty for not coming. DH even told her that I invited her to be polite and we of course do not expect her to come or get us a gift (she already has). I just thought that since this is her 4th grandchild and her other DIL never had any showers, that maybe she'd want to come.
Now I'm wondering if I even should have invited her. I was not trying to guilt her into coming, just thought it was the polite thing to do. UGH. Normally I do not have any issues with her, but sometimes she can be strange.
Re: are you inviting MIL to your shower if she's not nearby?
I personally would (and did) invite my MIL to all of my showers for DS. She only lives 45 minutes away, but I would have done the same if she were 4 hours away, so she would feel included. I (like you) told her that she did not have to bring more gifts to each one.
I think you and your DH have made steps to make sure she is ok. Sorry your MIL is being difficult!
Wow...your DH is really offering a lot! lol.
I too think you did everything right. I would probably call her and tell her you just wanted her to be invited but aren't at all hurt if she chooses not to come (since the distance and such). She probably feels like she has to come...but if she's not excited to be there then she's probably making everything more of a hassle.
My MIL lives 20 minutes away and basically said "I'll get you a gift, but I don't want invited". After a huge turn of events we're not having a shower. However I don't really think that it always has to be ettiqutte to invite both grandmas.
Like previously said though. She probably just needs to hear from you that it's okay if she doesn't come? I'd call her and be super nice about it (no matter what your relationship is with her). Tell her you wanted her to be invited so she didn't feel left out, you understand why she wouldn't be able to come if she chooses not to, etc. If you ditch her super nicely you'll probably have a better time than worrying about where she's at, if she's comfortable, etc.
LCT - 5.15.14 ~ 9lbs, 22.5 inches
Thanks ladies. DH is going to call her today and tell her (again) that I was just trying to be polite and didn't really expect her to come, so I won't be offended if she decides not to. He's going to offer for her to drive to Houston and he would take her to and from the shower if she wants to go, that way it would be easier for her, but if not, that's fine too. Hopefully after today I won't have to hear any more about it!!
I'm actually kind of surprised she's not coming. She doesn't work, only her DH's stepdad does, so she pretty much just sits around all day at home. And she complained that when DH's brother had his kids, she never felt like part of it. But whatever. Glad DH is going to take care of it.
You did the right thing. Had you not invited her, she probably would have made a big deal then....sorry she is acting that way
Just enjoy your shower
As long as you're on good terms I would... my MIL & SIL hate my guts (which is mutual lol) they live in the town my shower is being thrown & Im not bothering as they would either not show up... or come and ruin it on purpose as they did with my bridal shower....
You offered if she doesn't show up for whatever reason you did the right thing