We've been actively, purposely TTC since Jan of 2010. Every time we've been doing TI. Every few months or so my DH runs into performance issues precisely at O time. It is not an issue at other times of the month (it's happened maybe a dozen times in our nearly 9 years of being together.)
Last night I was O'ing (based on my trigger) and we tried 3 separate times last night to get him to finish (the 2nd 2 were his idea.) We finally succeeded but it wasn't much fun at that point for either of us. Although there were lots of high-fives, hugs, kisses and much happiness afterwards.
We've tried various ways of relieving the pressure he feels, but that
gets more difficult the more protocols/effort and $$ we put into it up front. He is personally invested in my cycles and wants to know what's going on. We're long past the "let's-just-be-casual-you-don't-know-where-I-am-in-my-cycle" stage.
When this happens, we are both very kind and understanding towards one another. There is no fighting or anger. He gets it from my perspective and I get it from his. It is just so difficult to deal with. I always err on the side of being patient and letting it go. But I find it's hard for me internally to be casual about it when it's so important to me. I say "We can try tomorrow night, if you want," but I know that it will likely be too late by then. Last night in bed I had tears in my eyes, trying to control my disappointment/frustration/emotions, as I was thinking about all these Follistim shots I've been giving myself this cycle.
We're not resting our laurels on 1 session of intercourse but it's so hard when it's the time that will "count." I know that you're fertile for awhile before O'ing, but given our track record I don't know how true that is for us, personally.
Can anyone else relate? How do you handle it?
Re: "performance issues" anyone else? (longish)
Dx: Anovulation, Endo, only one working tube and ovary
IUIs 1-5 = BFNs
IVF #1 - ER 7/9 3dt 7/12
Transferred two beautiful 8 cell embryos
Beta #1 7/26 = 484 Beta #2 7/28 = 1045
. U/S 8/10 showed one baby with a strong heartbeat!
It's a BOY!!
<a href="http://s1226.photobucket.com/albums/ee408/dmcutshaw/?action=view
This
Beta #1 27 (13 dpo) Beta #2 143 (16 dpo) Beta #3 436 (19 dpo)
Firstly, thanks for all your replies. It's good to know that others have dealt with the same issue and understand the frustration.
Our RE said that IUI and IVF wasn't an option for us at this point because we'd be conceiving every 6-7 cycles.
But our OB said that IUI is an option through their clinic since we're doing Follistim. She didn't think it would increase our chances. But I think we'll try that in another cycle or two.
I've thought for a while that perhaps IUI would take the pressure off and let him relax, but I'm nervous about him giving an IUI sample because for him, his SA was "the worst experience of his life."
It is something we need to talk about.
Question about IUI - Isn't there still pressure to perform, but in a different manner? And isn't the window of performance even smaller? I mean, if we have an appt for an IUI, he's got like 1/2 hour to get it done, doesn't he? Unless we bring it from home, and then there's a timing issue as well. Am I missing something?
TTC #1 since 1/10
DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues
Our lil' lost sparks:
5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013
Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal
Moving on to IVF.
IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy
Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14
After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
We are so in love with her.
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
Everybody is welcome!!!
Thanks this is really helpful and I can see where your H is coming from.
TTC #1 since 1/10
DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues
Our lil' lost sparks:
5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013
Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal
Moving on to IVF.
IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy
Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14
After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
We are so in love with her.
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
Everybody is welcome!!!
Thanks so much for your response. I know DH also wants to "do his part" in this and he's also said something similar to "well I've had a lot of years to practice" concerning giving a sample.
It's hard. I don't want it to be more difficult than it needs to be and yet, look where we are.
Thanks again.
TTC #1 since 1/10
DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues
Our lil' lost sparks:
5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013
Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal
Moving on to IVF.
IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy
Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14
After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
We are so in love with her.
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
Everybody is welcome!!!
You aren't alone in this situation and it feels good to know that I am not alone either ladies.
When my husband and I first started out with the TI, he was so very excited. It was so fun, but quickly turned into more of a chore. I also did not do a good job of handling the performance issue. This is the reason we decided this month to start our first Clomid and IUI cycle, to decrease some of the pressure on the both of us.
We must also remember that while we have this board for support of women who are experiencing the same feelings, thoughts and ideas as we are, our husbands likely don't have that outside support. Not many guys are going to talk with their friends about performance issues.
Again I am glad that I have this board as it lets me know that I am not alone, but it also reminds me to be thankful for the great guy I have here at home and to realize that he needs my support during this time as well. Thanks ladies!
Married 11 years. PCOS; TTC since 2009; 3 unsuccessful IUIs;
New RE. First & Hopefully Last IVF November 2013.
TTC since March/April 2010
DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
IVF - January 2012: BFN
FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
Thanks for sharing this. I appreciate your frankness and I'm glad you have a solution that works.
We'll definitely start talking about IUI if this cycle doesn't work out.
TTC #1 since 1/10
DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues
Our lil' lost sparks:
5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013
Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal
Moving on to IVF.
IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy
Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14
After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
We are so in love with her.
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."
Everybody is welcome!!!
This cycle was the toughest yet for us. I had a lap last month, and things have taken awhile to get back to normal down there, so there hasn't been much action anyway--plus, I think he was a little afraid of hurting me for awhile post-surgery. Then, we started our first Clomid/IUI cycle, so that added some pressure. Now the IUI is done, and I'm hoping we can get back to something sort of normal--like having sex just for fun!!
It's so hard, and it makes me so nervous for next cycle, if this one doesn't work, and it makes me nervous about how much worse it could get, the longer we are on this journey.
IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
S/PAIFW , S/PALW
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