Adoption

Which agency?

DH and I are still in the early stages of researching and we've gone from being super excited about adopting from Ethiopia, to feeling super discriminated against even with Domestic adoption before we even start an application (I'm diabetic) and to feeling like foster care may be our only hope- and there are obvious risks with each of the paths. However, we feel like foster care may be the least financial risk but the most emotional risk. I've been calling agencies for weeks, and I get conflicting information from all of them, not to mention very depressed sounding reps on the phone. Their lack of enthusiasm/encouragement just makes it all the more depressing, and since when does diabetes prevent someone from being a good parent? That is BS! I know there needs to be certain rules/laws, but it's ridiculous. Are there any agencies that are "willing" to work with me? Anyone really happy with their choice of agency? Please help!

Re: Which agency?

  • Okay, you are correct, diabetes shouldn't keep you from adopting an infant domestically.  To be honest, I bet most agencies would be willing to work with you, but warned you that having diabetes may mean that you'll have a longer wait.  Don't let that discourage you.

    EVERYONE has something that "may result in a longer wait."  That's because birthfamilies are all different, and all look for different things.  Some are looking for extremely fit people, some like only child households, some want big families, some want families who love the outdoors, or music, or the arts....  You get the picture.  While it's true that some birthfamilies might pass your profile by because you have diabetes (would that information even be shared with them?  I thought they just are told if you have any illnesses that may interfere with raising a child), I'm sure some have enough experience with the disease (they themselves or someone they know has it), to understand that it has nothing to do with what type of mother you could be.

    So, what are the agencies telling you that's making it seem like infant domestic is not a possibility?

  • Thanks for responding! Basically, I'm getting "yeah, that's probably going to limit your eligibility for domestic adoption, and will most certainly be a hindrance, if not deal breaker, with int'l adoption". I know most countries have strict health policies, and I do understand the need for some regulations, but come on- don't all of these children need loving homes badly? Why would a country want to interfere with that? I believe we are well-rounded enough where we might appeal to many BMs if we did domestic adoption, but again, I'm not getting very encouraging information from any of these agencies. They all sound doom and gloom, and as if they hate their jobs. One local agency doesn't even answer their phone. This is so frustrating, and scary as hell. We are running out of options for having a family. I am trying to remain positive, but it's getting pretty grim.
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  • From what I understand (not having done international adoption), the health restrictions for adoptive parents don't come from the agencies themselves, but may be more specific to the country or their culture. So you may need to either find an agency/country combo that doesn't worry about something like diabetes, or look into other options to build your family.

    I don't know what DA agencies you've talked to, but we didn't have any sort of issues with the ones we spoke to. One didn't return phone calls, so they got crossed off our list pretty quickly. The other 2 were polar opposites in terms of how they operated (one was a mom and pop operation in a specific part of our state and had low fees, the other was a large, established agency with higher fees and a large network), but both people who answered the phone were more than willing to talk with us at length and answer our questions.

    My best advice is to take a deep breath and keep at it. Explore other options, whether that's a facilitator, law firm, national/regional agency, etc. It also sounds like you've just started, so see if there are adoption webinars, phone seminars, or in-person seminars that you can attend in one way or another to get a feel for an agency.

    Why are you running out of time to build your family?

  • Internationally, they may be correct about some countries, but I have to ask:  are you contacting agencies that specialize in domestic, international, or both?  Here's the sad thing.  Most agencies aren't going to sound excited unless they need clients and you are a potential client.  If you call a domestic agency, and they think you want to adopt internationally, it's not unheard of for them to try to dissuade you and tell you your chances are better domestically.  They may have heard of some of the seeming ridiculous mental health standards and assumed that applies to all health-related issues, and that your chances are slim of adopting internationally.

    If you want information on domestic adoption, call domestic agencies near you (I'd personally research them online, first), and tell them you are interested in adopting an infant domestically.  Ask them if your diabetes would be an issue in you being approved, and if that information would be made available to birthfamilies.  Ask them if there is any other way in which if could affect your process.

    If you want information on adopting internationally, go to the US Department of State's adoption website (https://adoption.state.gov/) and find a few programs that sound like they might match your family.  The statistics page will give you an idea of which countries have large programs.  Each country has its own page that describes the rules, regulations, and process for adopting from there.  Be sure to read any notices and alerts for each country you are considering, because that's where concerns about the program would be described.  Once you've narrowed down which countries might be a fit, find agencies that specialize in one or more of those countries and call to find out more about the process.  Ask them if your diabetes would be an impediment from adopting from the countries you are interested in, and if they know of any specific programs for which it wouldn't interfere.  If they mention any countries you haven't considered, check them out on the Dept. of State's website.

    I'm sorry this seems so convoluted and multi-step, but that's really the only thorough way to get reliable information given that you are still trying to figure out which path, exactly, will work best for you.  Do be discouraged, though!  I'm positive that there is a path to adoption for every good prospective parent who seeks one.

    If you have any more specific questions, ask here anytime.  I'd be happy to help you any way I can.

  • Thanks for the responses, everyone. Sorry if I wasn't specific enough in my original post. To the person that asked why we are running out of time: sorry if I implied that, but what I meant was running out of OPTIONS. We've been wanting a family for many years, and adoption is not exactly new to our world, but it is new in the sense that we are still learning all we can before we choose an agency and an adoption path. I have fertility problems, but even if i didn't, we would be pursuing an adoption at some point. I've always wanted to adopt. Unfortunately, we live a fairly small city in comparison to other metro areas (Rochester, NY) and there are not many agencies out here. I am considering searching for an agency outside of Rochester or NY because I'm not impressed thus far. I just wanted the names of some agencies that other people are using to point me in the right direction I guess.
  • For international adoption, your agency really doesn't have to be near you.  Our agency is in NC and we live in NJ.  So if you go that route, don't let distance hinder you.

    For domestic, I know people have differing opinions, but I think if you aren't finding what you need locally, you should definitely expand your search.

    Are you familiar with the yahoo agency research boards?

  • Sorry, I misread. To me, it sounds like you're not even sure what your options are, so it's hard to be running out of them at this early stage in the game.

    Definitely look into regional or national agencies if something local isn't doing it for you. I know there were a few people on here who adopted domestically through national agencies, and a few who have adopted in states different from their home states. A co-worker in NJ adopted from FL.

    There are a lot of options out there, it will just take some time to find one that works for you. We definitely didn't find The Agency right out of the gate. And I agree with CS--call places up, explain your diabetes and ask them straight up if it will be an issue.

    GL

  • The agencies I spoke with insinuated (or flat out told me) that being diabetic would hinder our eligibility for int'l adoption. I wasn't jumping to conclusions- I was basing that statement on what I was TOLD by the agencies. I seem to be getting conflicting information from disorganized and out-of-touch agencies. Being Type A, I am very methodical and analytical (and organized), so when I get very vague or discouraging information from people that should be helping you, I find it disheartening and rather irritating. All I wanted was a straight answer, and like I said, some agencies gave it, some didn't. I was expressing frustration because of this information I received.
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