help w/daycare/preschool issues..long
dannysgirl82
member
I am a sahm/student at a local Comm College, 1 month ago was my first time ever doing a drop off for my son that was not a family member EVER! I decided to send him to the on campus child development center for lots of reason, proximity to me, convienince, excellent rep so on and so on. He only attends while I am in class Tues and Thurs from 9-1230
Well my son is 3 yrs old, he is speech delayed and super active. He certainly has problems sitting still and is really overstimulated while there I will admit, he can't decide what he wants to do next. Upon careful consideration involving drs, and DH and I we have decided to put off Speech Therapy until he is 3 1/2, we did the county EI program and it just did not do anything but make a difficult situation worse.
Since he started I have been super happy with the teachers in the classroom and I LOVE the way they interact with him, He is a big mommas boy so it is hard for him to be away from me for the first time. However, the director of the Center continues to approach me on a daily basis regarding him, At first it was his speech that bothered her, she wanted him in a program, I explained that I knew all about the ST options available and that we do have a therapy plan for him but we have specific reasons for holding off at this point, she didnt like this and has continued to ask me about it almost daily since then. On Tues. she stops me as am dropping him off (with him in my arms, i guess she assumes he cant understand what shes saying because he doesnt speak well) and tells me that she thinks she will have to ask me to find somewhere else for him to go, I was shocked , why is that I ask her, she said that he is very uhappy here and overstimulated, he needs an envrironment that has maybe 1 other kids that are "like him" . Well aside from her last comment I tell her, I dont understand, he is happy everyday when I pick him up, he even kisses his teachers everyday and loves them so much I am not sure what the problem is. She said he runs around all day and is just crying all the time and unhappy. He tries so hard to play with the other kids but they just dont understand him. Cut to the afternoon, I bypass her and go to retrieve my son and talk to his main teacher, I say how was today, did he cry alot, she says, no not except for a minute after you left, he went potty for me and sat down and ate his lunch with the rest of the class. She always has nice things to say about him, unlike the director.
So I'm left with, what is the gosh darn problem, I am offended feeling like geez I'm sorry DS isnt one of your "easy" kids, he isnt any "easier" at home with me, alot of his crying come from communication issues which are actually helping him begin to speak a bit more because he has incentive to. As far as his overstimulation goes, I feel like he has only been in the center 1 month and its 3 1/2 hrs 2x weekly, can you not expect him to still be excited about the new things to play with?? I dont know I just dont know if this is really normal, I mean its a daycare center, do they usually screen for the kids that sit still and speak properly? I'm sure I'm oversensitive but I just dont get it.
Due to our situation I am most likely going to have to drop my class if she follows through with this, I'm going to talk to her tomorrow again.
AHH just makes me mad
Sorry so long
Re: help w/daycare/preschool issues..long
Well, I would expect a daycare to absolutely point out things like speech delays, etc...so that's not odd to me. It is a bit odd that the teacher would say such different things that the director. It does seem like they are concerned it's not the right environment for him or that he needs more help than they can give him possibly? Did the director have any suggestions on being doing speech therapy there at the school or anything along those lines?
I would look into other options, waiting on addressing issues/delays usually isn't ideal in young kids, but since I'm not sure what happened with your EI services maybe you've already worked that out with your pedi....but a 3.5 year old should definitely be able to sit still and focus for short periods of time.
This sounds ridiculous to me... I would request a sit down meeting with his teacher, the director, and no kids and you DH if he wants to be a part. If they have legitimite concerns about the program meeting his needs, then they need to able to sit down and explain those concerns to you with supporting examples and to provide you with information on a center/program that they feel CAN meet his needs. If they are saying this because they are concerned that there could be more going on with his development than just a speech delay (and i'm not suggesting that there is, i've just seen this happen to people in the past), then they also need to explain that to you and recommend next steps/ testing, no just say "see ya."
I am a speech/language pathologist. I'm not sure what your reasons are for waiting for therapy... obviously you have a mommy instinct and know your son best and are the best equipped to make that decision. And i can certainly respect that decision. I can also share that children with langauge delays who get help the earliest, typically have the best outcomes. Their little brains are just so much more plastic and mold-able at younger ages. This is supported by research and I've experienced it first hand. Sometimes finding an excellent speech therapist who is also a good fit for your child is kind of like dating... you have to break up with a few before you find the right one. I hope you won't let a bad experience with EI keep you from waiting too long to find that special therapist who will make a difference for him.
Good Luck to you!
BFP - 9/7/2011
My Chart
Why are you waiting to address the speech delay if you know there is one? I don't understand.
As the mom of a kid with an expressive speech delay, I urge you not to wait to get him treated. We had to cycle through a couple people in EI until we found a fantastic therapist--they are out there and if you had a bad experience with someone just keep trying.
Thank you for your sugestions, DS got really sick last night and had to stay home from school today, but I had to take a test this am so my MIL watched him while I went in, after my test I went to see the director.
She said basically the same stuff that she already told me, I informed her that the ST appt that I had made for 6 months out was in the process of being moved up but I didnt have a specific appt yet, the office we will be using is super busy and getting that first appt is tough. So after DH and I talked about we agreed to move it up. She however, wants him in the county EI program, which for many reasons I just can not get on board with. I appreciate her expertise and knowledge on the subject but I have decided to go the private route after a bad experience with my county and am aware that it is my perogative to do so. She then asked me to reconsider several times as if I havent been clear the gazillion times I have informed her of. She then told me that she would give him a few more weeks and reasses then. She wants to start calling family in home centers around my house herself to find a better place for him.....I was like whoa whoa whoa, If I choose to put him in another place I am perfectly capable of finding one myself AND it is upon the recommendation of his pedi and preference of his parents that he remain where he is.
I dont know I just am not so sure what to do at this point, I think that she has my DS best interest at heart, but, it is upon careful consideration and pedi recommedation that I enrolled him where he is. We have different opinions on what is best for him, and I dont understand how he can be asked to leave a daycare because she isn't onboard with my parenting! I am not comfortable taking him somewhere else and I really do like this center. I guess I feel like -How presumptuous (sp?) of you to think you know better for my child than I do!
The director sounds like a real piece of work. I agree with the PP who asked if you specifically asked about the inconsistencies in his daily reports.I also agree with PP that I'm not sure I would want him in a place where they don't feel they can meet his needs.
However, I'm an EI educator and I'm so sorry you had a bad experience, but that shouldn't stop you from getting any help for your son. I don't know your son at all obviously, but from some of what you said about overstimulation and the director's concerns, it sounds like he really does need some help. Just because you want to go the private route, doesn't mean you have to wait until he's older. Obviously there are considerations you and your doctor have talked about, but as an EI educator, I just can't imagine what the reasoning would be too wait. So much research and experience shows that earlier is better.
I also don't know your pediatrician at all, but another thing to consider is that pedis are medical experts, not child development experts. I have seen pediatricians miss so many warning signs or concerns that we would have wanted to see children about.
I know this is not what you were asking in your post at all, so I apologize for butting my opinion in , but I would really urge you to get a second opinion about whether you should wait on services. The director, while not going about it the right way at all IMO, is telling you he is not doing as well as the other kids in the classroom. Even if I didn't like the director, I wouldn't ignore that piece of information.
Good luck.