DH wont let me bring anyone to the hospital for moral support :(

mandi12 · September 2011

so DH and i agreed we dont want anyone to come to the hospital until weve had our time with LO. that means no one in the waiting room, we'd let everyone know when they can come. his family HATED that plan and there was a TON of drama over it. we finally got them to calm down about it but now that my due date is fast approaching (and being a FTM) im starting to worry that it wont be as easy as some ppl say.... im starting to think that i may want someone (other than just DH) in the room to help me thru labor.

im sure if there wasnt so much drama with his family, MIL especially, this wouldnt be a problem. but when i told him that i MAY want to tweak the plan cuz im scared he wasnt happy. and when i told him the 1 other person id trust to be there for me is my mom.... he flipped out! he told me if his mom couldnt be there after all this drama then my mom cant either....i dont think he fully understands the whole labor thing. and the fact that IM the one that has to push this baby out!! i dont think it will be bad enough that ill even ask my mom to come but id like to know that i have that option. or rather that he wont be pisssed...

ludicrous · September 2011

I agree it's kind of crappy to let your mom be there for the whole event and not even let his mom in the waiting room. Maybe you can compromise on that one.

weddingbells2010 · September 2011

I'm not really a big fan of the whole "You're the one giving birth, do it your way" philosophy- I think that you and DH should be on the same page and make decisions together. So I wouldn't dig my heals in the sand and just insist, but instead try to get him to understand the difference- you've had a lifelong bond with your mother and the closeness you have with her is much different than the one you have with your MIL. Let's face it- even in the best MIL/DIL relationship, does she really need to see your vag?

Ultimately you might find that you have to compromise to make him happy too and keep the family peace- if your mom is coming into the LD room with you, what's the harm if his mom is in the waiting room? She won't be allowed in to see you or LO until whenever you decide anyway, so let her waste a whole day/night sitting around- no skin off your back.

mandi12 · September 2011

i tried suggesting that he could have his mom in the waiting room if i happened to want my mom there. hes so set on it being just us now that he wont even go for that idea.

chikinyellow · September 2011

Maybe he is getting his feelings hurt that you think you may need someone else besides him there?

I actually had my mom and MIL in the room until I pushed. I love my MIL dearly and she helped me with nursing (so she has seen the girls several times, lol).

My mom was the one who would not shut up during contractions and I wanted to cuss her out (I was just too nice). Looking back, I really should have spent those last few hours with DH before our whole family dynamic changed.

This time we are not allowing anyone in the room and don't want anyone at the hospital. If someone does come to the hospital, they are to go straight to the waiting room and I don't even want to know they are there.

GL with your decision!

ludicrous · September 2011

RachaelA:
ludicrous:
I agree it's kind of crappy to let your mom be there for the whole event and not even let his mom in the waiting room. Maybe you can compromise on that one.
From the tone of her post though, I don't think her MIL would be content just being in the waiting room. It seems like she'd probably throw a fit and try and push her way into the room.

So tell the nurses the only people allowed are her mom and husband and let them worry about it. I get her wanting her mom there (not really as I wouldn't want my mom or MIL but in theory) and I get her Not wanting her MIL in her vag. I just don't think it's right to say where MIL gets to wait for the news of her grandchild and to discount that perhaps her husband would also like the support of his family.

jiffy-pop · September 2011

There will be lots of great nurses around you helping you through the birthing process. Those nurses do this everyday so anything you are unsure about they will be able to coach you through it with expert advise. I think it will be less stress on you if you just go with the original plan that you and DH agreed on.

kdwbrownsugar · September 2011

danes22:
Sounds like he's being a bit of a jerk. My SO and I agreed that it would be just the two of us in the room but he knows that if I go into labor and start freaking out for whatever reason and decide I want my mom there, then she is going to be there. I also hate when people try to argue that you need to keep things fair between in-laws..umm, no. I am comfortable with my mom seeing my vagina, watching me breastfeed, and possibly even sh*t on the table during delivery. I am not comfortable with SO's mom seeing any of that.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Brie2006 · September 2011

ludicrous:

I just don't think it's right to say where MIL gets to wait for the news of her grandchild and to discount that perhaps her husband would also like the support of his family.

I agree with this. Don't you want as much harmony in your family as possible when your baby is born? Telling MIL that she can't even be in the waiting room but that your Mom is going to be in the actual delivery room is harsh and is going to accomplish nothing but more hurt feelings.

This may not be a completely relevant point, but I also slightly side-eye anyone who feels that she cannot possibily get through child birth without her mom in the room. It's time to cut the cord - yours not your baby's. Suck it up! Smile

thetheisens · September 2011

Sometimes you just want your mommy! There is a huge difference to me between your mom being in the delivery then your MIL. I am ok with my mom seeing all the gross stuff going on down there, where as I would not want my MIL peaking at things. I guess your husband can wait until you are actually in labor and you are crying and in pain and asking for your mom to give in (because I bet he will!).

jiffy-pop · September 2011

Brie2006:

ludicrous:

I just don't think it's right to say where MIL gets to wait for the news of her grandchild and to discount that perhaps her husband would also like the support of his family.

I agree with this. Don't you want as much harmony in your family as possible when your baby is born? Telling MIL that she can't even be in the waiting room but that your Mom is going to be in the actual delivery room is harsh and is going to accomplish nothing but more hurt feelings.

This may not be a completely relevant point, but I also slightly side-eye anyone who feels that she cannot possibily get through child birth without her mom in the room. It's time to cut the cord - yours not your baby's. Suck it up!

She posted that she did offer this option to her DH but DH refused. Just keepin' the facts straight.

AWomanInLove · September 2011

I'd let him know when he pushes out a lemon, he can tell you how to push out a watermelon. Otherwise, I would bring whatever support I feel I needed.

renogaw · September 2011

Tell him when he's in the hospital passing a kidney stone he can choose to have whoever with him that he wants. When you're in the hospital giving birth, you get the final say. I totally get having your mom there. My mom was with me when I gave birth to DD #1 and the plan is to have her there for #2. I'm only letting her and DH in the room (aside from all the medical staff that I'll never see again). I figure my mom gave birth to three kids and there's not much she's going to see that she hasn't seen before with me (vag, poop, blood, etc). She's helped me through all of the toughest spots in my life. I love my MIL, but our relationship is obviously different.

chulita425 · September 2011

We are really far away from our families so we don't have that problem but my mom is coming out here and she will be in the delivery room with us(praying baby is on time b.c I need her!!!). If we were back home with our families I still would only want my mom around, theres a huge difference between my mom and MIL(I love her to death btw) but no one loves and supports me like my mother. YOU are the one who is going to be giving birth and YOUR the one who needs that love and support! That time is about you not your husband, you need to really get that through his head. Although maybe you guys can compromise, your mom gets to go in the delivery room and his can wait in the waiting room. Honestly though if she lives close to the hospital why cant she just wait from home? DH can call her when its time to visit, I don't like hospitals I would rather wait home and then go when the baby is ready, but thats my opinion. To me that seems like a good compromise though...deep down inside he cant really think you would want anyone else but your mom there you probably just need to explain it and ask him what he would do if it were him.

mandi12 · September 2011

lol love the bit about pushing out a lemon. and yea i know his feelings are hurt.so ill try my hardest to not bring it up. i think if it really comes down to me wanting someone there ill quite obviously be in a ton of pain and he probably wont question my decission.... im hoping at least....

as for cutting the cord n sucking it up.... im a baby when it comes to pain and the thought of needles and ivs scares the *** out of me! thats one area that im not strong with. thats ok tho. no ones perfect.

shorteelaw · September 2011

Ummm... I don't know how to say this tactfully... I understand that he's the dad... but YOU are the one giving birth and YOU are the one that needs support during that time. If you think you MIGHT need someone other than your DH there - then he NEEDS to understand that. I'm MUCH more comfortable around my own mother than I am my MIL (and her and I are still very close). There is a huge difference. He's your main support person and he's not being very supportive.

UFCasey · September 2011

I like to think I have a good relationship with my mother, but we're not best friends so maybe that's why I just find it completely strange that a grown woman thinks her husband is not enough support and they need their mother in the room when delivering. I get that out of the two, the mother is preferable to the mother-in-law, that's obvious. But why have your mother there at all? I mean, you married your husband. You had sex with your husband. But when it comes time to push, the presence of your mother is going to be more comforting to you? It's just weird to me. I don't get it. Apparently I don't have a great relationship with my mother LOL!

OUKap · September 2011

H should supply the moral support, not your mom or his mom.

wendyll64 · September 2011

I don't know about you, but there is a huge difference between my mother and my MIL... I know that if MIL watches my vagina turn itself inside out, I'll never be able to make eye contact with her again. After much arguing and drama, I am finally "allowing" her to be in the room during labor but she'll be gone within the hour. I don't want her there.

lynnblack · September 2011

What about hiring a Doula? Then you have the support you would like and no family members get hurt feelings.

Ariana2O11 · September 2011

ludicrous:
I agree it's kind of crappy to let your mom be there for the whole event and not even let his mom in the waiting room. Maybe you can compromise on that one.

This.

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