Bilingual babies, teachers maybe?

Cobra11 · September 2011

Anyone? I'm not entirely sure where exactly to ask this question. My MIL just pissed me off (imagine that) but she does bring up a valid point. She speaks Spanish, I only speak English. My FI can speak Spanish (prefers English, and generally speaks English better.) My MIL has said that she thinks my son should learn to speak Spanish first and "pick up" English from school. (I'm not sure why she thinks my LO will not pick it up from his mother, but whatever.)

So my question is: If you plan to have your baby learn to languages, which are they learning first? And to those who are teachers or have knowledge about bilingual children, if my child did speak Spanish first, how much will it affect his ability in school? I just don't want to hinder my child. To be fair my FI learned Spanish first and speaks English just fine and better than a lot of people with English as a first language, and this is actually the case with a lot of bilingual friends of mine.

Sorry to be so long winded, and if this is the wrong place to ask this, can someone point me to some research or some where I should ask this?

CinemaGoddess · September 2011

There was a discussion about this on another board awhile back and I think the consensus was that they should learn English primarily (since you speak English in your immediate household) and supplement with Spanish.

Cobra11 · September 2011

gsteph88:
My father is French, and was born into a very french family and he learned English from his German Nanny (how ironic...). He picked up English really quickly and never had any difficulty between the two, but when we kids were born, we learned both of them at the same time, kids have an amazing ability to learn languages. I would however, recommend that your LO speak English "first", like, your son would be English primarily, especially if both you and your fiance speak English. It'll make it easier to learn both languages NOW than to get in school and have teachers try and sort it out.
And if you only speak English, why would you want to make your son speak a different language than you? That seems a bit strange.

I don't. It was a "suggestion" from my MIL, not really one I wanted to follow. My FI suggested to me that I also learn Spanish that way I won't feel "left out". I just wanted to see what everyone else thinks and maybe have some proof to show my FI and his MIL.

emiliemadison · September 2011

Research has shown that children are capable of learning multiple languages simultaneously (and VERY quickly!) before age 4. The idea that a child will be "hindered" by learning two languages at the same time is ludicrous. Children who are bi or multilingual are actually at an advantage in school and in life in general.

One of my best friends speaks Spanish almost exclusively to her son while her husband speaks only English. He is 2.5 and speaks both languages equally well and understands them both 100%.

Bottom line? He can do both and will be 100% fluent and successful with both at the same time.

Cobra11 · September 2011

gsteph88:
sptaylor91:
gsteph88:
My father is French, and was born into a very french family and he learned English from his German Nanny (how ironic...). He picked up English really quickly and never had any difficulty between the two, but when we kids were born, we learned both of them at the same time, kids have an amazing ability to learn languages. I would however, recommend that your LO speak English "first", like, your son would be English primarily, especially if both you and your fiance speak English. It'll make it easier to learn both languages NOW than to get in school and have teachers try and sort it out.
And if you only speak English, why would you want to make your son speak a different language than you? That seems a bit strange.

I don't. It was a "suggestion" from my MIL, not really one I wanted to follow. My FI suggested to me that I also learn Spanish that way I won't feel "left out". I just wanted to see what everyone else thinks and maybe have some proof to show my FI and his MIL.
Sorry, I actually meant it as a comment towards your MIL. Lol.

Oh ok, LOL. I gotcha. I thought it was a little messed up that she suggested I not be able to talk to my own son. Which is essentially what she was saying.

write2nicole · September 2011

I don't get why your child needs to learn one "first" and then another "second." Your H can speak Spanish or English, whichever is more comfortable, and you can speak English.

I also don't get why you even need to ask whether your son should learn English now or not. If you don't speak Spanish, how would you communicate with him? How would it be good for him to have a parent who does not speak to or around him? And by the way, that's what you would have to do to make sure he doesn't learn English "first." If he ever hears you talk, he's going to pick up words and meaning.

write2nicole · September 2011

Okay, if this is just about your MIL, why not just tell her that she can speak Spanish to your son if she wants, and just leave it at that? He'll pick up some of it, and some if it he may not understand for a while. Whatever.

wedsept · September 2011

We are teaching her both at the same time. She states words in both languages.

My parents were (and still are) also of the mentality of your MIL--it is a old school mentality IMO. As a child, I learned the foreign language first, and then English when I went to school. Academically, I was the top of my class in every subject except English until my second year of college. It took until the age of 20 to be equal to my peers w/r/t English. Moreover, I worked a lot harder trying to become equal to my peers. My brother was the same way. I am not making the same mistake with my DD.

She will know both languages at the same time, equally. Studies show that children who are taught 2 or more languages have a better ability to concentrate than non-bilingual children. Also, while they may mix up the 2 languages, they will be able to distinguish between them by the age of 3. Moreover, acquisition of language skills are easier for a toddler than they are for older children. Toddlers' brains are like sponges.

Cobra11 · September 2011

write2nicole:
Okay, if this is just about your MIL, why not just tell her that she can speak Spanish to your son if she wants, and just leave it at that? He'll pick up some of it, and some if it he may not understand for a while. Whatever.

I think I was just worried about confusing him, but it seems as though he may not be confused after reading the responses.

Cobra11 · September 2011

wedsept:
We are teaching her both at the same time. She states words in both languages.
My parents were (and still are) also of the mentality of your MIL--it is a old school mentality IMO. As a child, I learned the foreign language first, and then English when I went to school. Academically, I was the top of my class in every subject except English until my second year of college. It took until the age of 20 to be equal to my peers w/r/t English. Moreover, I worked a lot harder trying to become equal to my peers. My brother was the same way. I am not making the same mistake with my DD.
She will know both languages at the same time, equally. Studies show that children who are taught 2 or more languages have a better ability to concentrate than non-bilingual children. Also, while they may mix up the 2 languages, they will be able to distinguish between them by the age of 3. Moreover, acquisition of language skills are easier for a toddler than they are for older children. Toddlers' brains are like sponges.

Thank you, this is what I was looking for! I just want to make sure any confusion he does have, won't be long term.

IEtoLA · September 2011

DH talks to DD only in Spanish and I speak to her mostly in English because I do speak to her in Spanish when I can. My family knows Dpanish but prefers English. DHs family can speak English but prefers Spanish and only talks to her in Spanish. She is picking up both just fine. Regardless of what language we use to speak to her, she will response d in either and doesn't appear confused at all.

kg_08 · September 2011

Considering the fact that you only speak english, english it is!

It would be good to learn spanish as well, but english should absolutely be the main language, especially if he will be going to an english speaking school.

DH's family all spoke french as their main language, and when it was time to go to an english school, DH and his sister didn't catch on to much of what was being taught for the first 2 years.

Edit: My example was in an either/or scenario. They hardly spoke english, so you can see why that would be a hinderance. Either way, English should be the "main" language IMO since that's all you speak.

anna7602 · September 2011

I am not a teacher. I have no background in bilingual education, I can only speak to my own experience.

I focused on DD learning Spanish at home. Like your MIL, I figured she would pick up English in school and outside the house. We spent many, many hours doing play dates and swim classes and library story hours in English up until DD was 2. Anything I could control, we did in Spanish. Her nanny is Spanish-speaking. I tried to make play dates with other Spanish-speaking moms and tried to attend activities (including music class) in Spanish, but there were a ton more activities we were interested in that were only offered in English, so we did them.

DD was much more confident in Spanish than in English when she started pre-school last year, but I would say she still understood a fair amount of what was going on at school. By November, she was speaking both about equally and by the end of the school year, she was speaking a lot more English. I have to really insist on her speaking only Spanish at home now, and she's only 3. We live in a neighborhood with a ton of Spanish-speakers, DD has a lot of people in her life- friends and family- who speak to her in Spanish, and it's still a struggle to get her to speak as much Spanish as she does English.

There are a lot of parenting issues that I'm happy to "go with the flow" on, but my child speaking Spanish fluently is not an area I am willing to compromise on. I make a living from being multi-lingual myself (I'm a professional translator) and truly view the ability to speak another language as a skill as important as knowing how to read, write or do math. I guess you just need to ask yourself whether this is something that matters to YOU or if you're just concerned with pleasing your MIL.

anna7602 · September 2011

Also, just realized I misread your post and that you're not asking if YOU should speak Spanish to your child. Oops. Let me back-track in that case. We technically introduced both at the same time. DH spoke to her in English and I spoke to her in Spanish. Now that DD is in school and speaking much more English, DH, who studied Spanish in school and has lived in Spain, tries to speak to her more in Spanish and when we're together as a family, we try to all converse in Spanish. When it's just me and DH, I still speak to him primarily in English.

g8trkim · September 2011

Why should he learn one first? Lots of kids learn languages simultaneously and that's what I would recommend for your LO. But in all honestly, his first language will be English because that's what's spoken in your home. In my class of 20 students, half of them are bilingual (English/Spanish), one is monolingual (Spanish) and the rest speak just English. It's a pretty awesome dynamic and I envy my students for knowing two languages. If your LO speaks both it could definitely benefit him later down the road when he is looking for a job. I took 3 years in high school and barely remember a thing. Luckily, my school has teacher licenses for Rosetta Stone so I'm trying to learn. However, you can't guarantee your LO will like speaking both language and use them. My friend's first language was Spanish, as was her husband's. They have tried to raise their son bilingual but he prefers English and will only speak Spanish if he has to.

lelekay · September 2011

Learn them both simultaneously. Research shows it's not detrimental to speech and in fact, they will speak both languages better and have less confusion in the long run.

ETyorkin · September 2011

I didn't read the entire post, but I know someone said that learning two (or more) languages simultaneously doesn't make them learn either one worse than the other and I agree.

I grew up speaking only Russian and learned English in school. I can speak both languages well because my parents forced me to speak Russian at home.

My nieces have all started off speaking only Russian and began speaking English when they started school and almost completely lost all of Russian (the speaking part, they still understand it).

With my LO I am speaking both Russian and English and I feel this is most beneficial...

Good luck though!

ahpeach · September 2011

I somewhat of a sparse poster on this board but, seeing as though we are raising our son trilingual & I'm a teacher, this one jumped out at me so I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents!

I grew up speaking both German & English, primarily German at home and English everywhere else, and I cannot remember a time where I struggled with English in school or elsewhere. DH grew up speaking both Spanish & English and also never had any issues.

We've chosen to speak all 3 languages to our son, and at 13 months he is obviously absorbing all 3 languages. He uses different languages for different objects ('wasser' for water, 'decke' for blanket, 'doggie' for doggie, etc.) , but thats not unusual for children who are hear multiple languages in the home.

All of the research suggests that hearing multiple languages from birth only helps advance a child's knowledge of language in all aspects, be it reading, writing, or speaking. I would not hesitate to teach your child more than one language. I feel so privileged to have been raised in a bilingual home. Not many children have the opportunity to learn more than one language from their primary caregiver, so embrace it! There is nothing to worry about.

MadameFancyPants · September 2011

My son is learning English and Arabic at the same time. DH and I speak English only but our friend who we see almost every day speaks Arabic to our him. If he uses Arabic words when asking for something, I say that I can't understand him he'll need to use English. It's the other way around when he's playing with our friend.

I've always been told that in a family situation, Mom only speaks one language and dad speaks the other. They pretend they can't understand the other language even if they can. There is no need to learn one language at a time.

Kids are fully capable of learning more than 1 or 2 languages at the same time.

EBathory997Wed74688 · September 2011

As a foreign language teacher and new parent, I would like to offer my opinion. Young children can easily pick up languages through immersion (living within a language) but they may code switch between languages. I plan on teaching my daughter Italian but we will establish English first as a primary language. If you have Spanish (or any other language other than English) as a primary language and list that on a school registration, your child may be tested annually for proficiency in english.

MrsWindyCity · September 2011

I went to preschool knowing very, very few words in English (I lived with my grandparents, who only spoke Greek). I picked it up very quickly and no one would ever know it wasn't officially my first language.

I really, really want DS to learn Greek but honestly? It's hard! I don't live near my family any more, so I don't use my Greek as often, and you can tell (I'll randomly forget words here and there). Plus since DH doesn't speak it, I feel like it's harder. I've been trying lately, though, to tell him more words in Greek.

yukibaby · September 2011

We are trying to teach our DS as much Russian, Japanese, and Hawaiian as we can as young as possible. As pp said, they will differentiate between the languages by the time they start school (don't be surprised if your LO will prefer using English once they start school like pp said) Also consider that it may be an excellent opportunity to teach yourself another language while trying to teach your LO otherwise let your MIL teach your LO as much as possible and if your FIL and DH want to help.

MCC1010 · September 2011

I speak both Spanish & English to Matthew. DH speaks English only to ds. My parents speak Spanish only to ds while my in-laws only speak to him in English.

My in-laws wanted me to do the opposite. Teach Matthew English only and that he could pick up Spanish later on. We decided on exposing him to both languages from the begining. He says words in both languages.

Smootchy · September 2011

I would assume that if you live in the US, do your best to teach (or let DH/MIL) talk to him in a different language all the time. He will pick up on english at school. ...and from you. I would not take any offense to my child picking up a language. My dad speaks 8 languages. Arabic, French & English being the 3 main that he can flip in and out with one sentense.... Considering my dad was a workaholic and didn't past that to me... I hope he passes a little to my children.

etude de la vie · September 2011

DH's family speaks to our kids in Spanish and my family speaks to them in English. I speak to DD in English and DH speaks spanish unless talking to me.

DD knows what words to respond to each family. My family will hear her say "bread" and my husbands family will hear her say "pan" (bread in Spanish)she knows who speaks what language (most of the time).

FYI- it will not hinder LO's education. My DH learned Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian before he was 5 and learned English on his own in Kindergarden.His parents and their families never spoke English even though he grew up in America. He speaks and writes better than most native speakers. When we lived in Europe he had no problem reading/speaking French and when he took Latin in college he hardly had to study because all of his knowledge in other languages.

OP- Is it Spanish that bothers you or just another language? I don't really understand how learning another language would be a problem. We are one of the very few countries with "monolingualism." Just wondering if you would be as annoyed with MIL if it was French, Italian, Portuguese and so on?

AuburnBride06 · September 2011

emiliemadison:
Research has shown that children are capable of learning multiple languages simultaneously (and VERY quickly!) before age 4. The idea that a child will be "hindered" by learning two languages at the same time is ludicrous. Children who are bi or multilingual are actually at an advantage in school and in life in general.
One of my best friends speaks Spanish almost exclusively to her son while her husband speaks only English. He is 2.5 and speaks both languages equally well and understands them both 100%.
Bottom line? He can do both and will be 100% fluent and successful with both at the same time.

Agree with all of this.

Cobra11 · September 2011

etude de la vie:

OP- Is it Spanish that bothers you or just another language? I don't really understand how learning another language would be a problem. We are one of the very few countries with "monolingualism." Just wondering if you would be as annoyed with MIL if it was French, Italian, Portuguese and so on?

It's more the fact that I don't actually like my MIL and the way the conversation got started just rubbed me the wrong way. It was like she was saying learning to speak to her was more important than LO learning to speak to me.

Thanks for all the responses ladies! It definitely helped to know that it won't be a problem for him in school.

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