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My BIL passed away (T&P's please)

Army~WifeArmy~Wife member
in Babies: 6 - 9 Months

This was an inevitable outcome for DH's half-brother (same fathers). He was jumped by a large group of people roughly 5 years ago and has been brain dead & in a coma ever since. This whole ordeal has caused a major rift in the family since DH's side knew the right thing to do was let him go peacefully but the mother wanted to keep him on life support knowing there was no possibility of a happy outcome. DH's family has been forbidden to see him or have any knowledge about his conditions over these years despite legal battles between the mother and father. DH informed me last night when I came home from work that BIL had passed the day before. The whole family is understandably heart broken. No one even knows any of the details about the funeral or if they will even be allowed to attend.

I am at such a loss of what to say and/or what to do. I, unfortunately, never had the chance to meet BIL and know very little about him. DH seems to be handling it pretty well but I know that it has got to be deeply upsetting. SIL's are beside themselves with grief and won't even answer my phone calls. (I have left a message for each telling them that I am thinking about them and here for them if they need anything.) Nobody has been able to contact FIL who is also going thru chemo and radiation for lung cancer. All of his family lives on the East coast so it's not like I can just stop by with dinner for them.

Please send T&P's for everybody to act like mature adults and let everyone come together to grieve as family for this poor young man.

Any ideas of what I can do/say from afar to be supportive would be helpful too.  Thank you!

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Re: My BIL passed away (T&P's please)

  • EVA116EVA116 member
    I don't know if there is anything you can say. I know that when my sister died no one could really comfort me. It was hard too because at that time I was just dating my DH and I knew he never met her so it was hard for me to talk about with him....cause I thought...how could he understand, he never knew how great she was. I was just thankful people were there if I needed them. The best thing anyone said to me...and I know my situation was different, (my sister was 10 yrs old, died from chicken pox 5 yrs ago) was my grandma who said, "There is no time in heaven, to her, you will be there with her in a blink of an eye." My thoughts and prayers are with your family. image

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  • LoveMaBaybeeLoveMaBaybee
    I'm really sorry about your BIL. All I can say is give your SILs time, they are just going through the grieving process. I think it's great that you want to be there, that will be important when the time is right for your DH's family. T&Ps for your family.
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  • Army~WifeArmy~Wife member

    imagevickycat:
    I don't know if there is anything you can say. I know that when my sister died no one could really comfort me. It was hard too because at that time I was just dating my DH and I knew he never met her so it was hard for me to talk about with him....cause I thought...how could he understand, he never knew how great she was. I was just thankful people were there if I needed them. The best thing anyone said to me...and I know my situation was different, (my sister was 10 yrs old, died from chicken pox 5 yrs ago) was my grandma who said, "There is no time in heaven, to her, you will be there with her in a blink of an eye." My thoughts and prayers are with your family. image

    I can't imagine as I have never gone thru something even remotely close but I am so sorry for your loss.  Your grandma sounds like a very wise and comforting lady. 

    You make a good point.  This could very well be the case.  I didn't think about that.

    I am trying to let them know that I am here for them without being pushy.  I know that when my dad passed, no one could comfort my grief but knowing people were there helped.  That is what I am trying to do....just be here.  I feel so helpless though....

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  • smallysmallz04smallysmallz04
    My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I know it's so difficult to loose someone, maybe you could have a flower arrangement made and sent for the service. 
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  • briast20briast20
    I'm sorry for your family's loss.  T&P's for all of you.
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  • LynsiBHMLynsiBHM
    That's so sad. Unfortunately, I know first hand that you can't fix a fighting family even though you know it would be best for them to come together for eachothers support and strength in this difficult time.  It sounds like the best thing you can do is what you're already doing- just be there for anyone who may need you. Give hubby a hug and a shoulder to lean on and send your condolences to the family that isn't local. Hopefully they find comfort in knowing BIL is in a better place now and not suffering. T&P for your fam, and my sympathies for the loss of your BIL.
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  • Army~WifeArmy~Wife member

    Thank you ladies! Your T&P's are appreciated. I just pray that the siblings & their father can have some closure by at least being able to go to the funeral.

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