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1st Trimester
Help! 2nd timers...
I am about 9 weeks along with my second pregnancy. I am excited but I can't get over this feeling of extreme nerves... I love the way my life is right now. DH and DD are perfect and we are in a routine. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to have another baby! I am just excited that it didn't take us years of trying, but I still have this feeling of anxiety. Is that normal?
Please don't take this wrong... I really do want another child! I don't want to get drilled for being insensitive or anything like that.
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Re: Help! 2nd timers...
Yep. Your worrying about your DD and how this will affect her. This is a life changing event. When you were pregnant with DD you were only altering your and your DH's lives. Now your altering your lives plus your DD's life. It's a lot to take in.
My first thought was I'm so excited DS is going to be a big brother. But it's already changing his life, and it makes me sad. The doctor told me I need to limit how much I pick him up because he is so heavy. I did 90% of DS's care--bathing, putting to bed for naps and bedtime, dressing him, changing his diaper. Now I can't do hardly any of it. He cries when we wants picked up and I sit down to hug him. He doesn't understand what is going on yet.
I never thought it would be like this already. I figured everything would be the same, my belly would get bigger, and the baby would be here. And all would be well in this world. But the baby is due 5 days AFTER DS's birthday, that means he risks a chance of not even getting his own special day. I will be HUGE by that time and won't get to play and have fun with him on his birthday. And right after it's all about him, he gets the lime light taken away and a new baby comes and steals his mommy's attention away. It's scary.
But there are good parts too. DS will have a playmate for life. Yeah it will take awhile, but it'll happen. He'll also be able to "help" mommy and daddy. He LOVES babies right now, so I think it'll be okay. He will have his special time with just mommy and daddy with his little sister or brother is sleeping, which in the first few months is a TON.
Eventually your fears will be put to side, and you'll think about both of them. Right now it's hard to do so because you only have your DD on the outside.
I feel the exact same way and to add to that my DS has special needs. This pg is semi-unplanned. We weren't really "trying" but we weren't not-trying either.
I just didn't expect it. At all.
I'm also hoping that this feeling is normal!! DH, DD and I also have a pretty good routine right now. Besides being immediately concerned about how a 2nd child would affect DD, I began stressing about the room for another child in our house and wanted to being cleaning out closets! My DH thought I was crazy.
I'm also feeling the same way about the pregnancy affecting DD right now. I always thought I would have to worry about sharing attention once the baby arrived, but being that I'm trying to not pick up DD as much and share duties with DH more, I get the feeling like she can already feel that something is different. The guilt kills me. But I keep trying to tell myself that once the baby is here, I will be able to give them both the attention they need
So glad to hear I'm not alone!
I feel horrible because DH is way more excited than I am. I just keep thinking of how much things will change and I am so worried DD will be mad at me for bringing home a new baby!
I could've written your post! DH seems to be less anxious about it than I. It's not that I'm NOT excited (I most certainly am), but I have so many concerns about handling two, not sleeping at night but then being up all day with a 2-year-old, potty training, my 2-year-old wanting the baby's pacifiers, how will DD react (I SAH, and she's VERY attached to me), how to go to the store with 2, and the biggest one - will I love them both the same?
I figure millions of families have been through this, and I will be just fine. But it's still scary! I keep reminding myself that giving DD a sibling is the best gift I can ever give her.
I asked my Mom this and she compared it to a candle. When you use one candle to light another, it doesn't diminish the flame on the first candle, but the second burns just as bright as the first. Your heart and capacity to love will just expand! I am nervous too, I would give my life for DD, and I wonder how it's possible to love another child as much as I love her, without splitting in two!