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December 2011 Moms
Happily Overwhelmed
member
Vent---Anyone else feel....alone (family wise)?
Happily Overwhelmed
member
DH and I have been taking care of everything for this baby. Which, is completely what I expected. I truly feel like we're the ones that chose to start a family and fiancially we're prepared.
What I wasn't so prepared for was the mental part of it. There's VERY LITTLE emotional support. There's VERY LITTLE mention of the baby. Usually just a brief "how are you feeling" and a move on in the conversation. DH's mother has offered to buy a baby gift. She just said "tell her what"...which I find awkward assigning someone to buy me something (especially not knowing the price range she's after). Otherwise MIL has always been distant (not only with me, but her own immediant family). Needless to say, we tolerate each other well...but don't have a bond-nor does she have a want for one.
My sister threw such a fit about throwing me a baby shower it caused a ton of stress on me. After a few sleepless nights DH and I decided it would be best to say "thanks for the thought, but no thanks". I feel really cheated out of a baby shower...not because of the gifts, but because of the excitement. My sister's been a horrible drama queen for a few years now and my mother always babies her. I'm much younger than her (33 vs. 25) and I feel that she's jealous I'm further in life and have the things she's dreaming of (awesome husband, baby on the way, new house, etc). I feel like she's punishing me for this.
Like I said, my mom takes her side. When sister feels hurt then it must be my fault. Whatever... But I'm her daughter too! Not only am I also her daughter, but I'm going through a huge life changing event.
Don't get me wrong. DH tries really hard. But I feel like a mother's touch is needed (or at least desired). Neither DH or myself have any experience with babies. It would be so helpful if she'd show some sort of interest. I've even stated that I don't have a clue how much of everything I need and what items are neccessary and what aren't. That didn't even build to anything. I almost feel like she's wanting me to fail (like forget some essential baby item on the day we come home from the hospital).
This ladies is why I'm so thankful for this board! I can't imagine how lost I would be without thebump.
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Re: Vent---Anyone else feel....alone (family wise)?
I understand how you feel completely. My mother is my only parent and she's not exactly the maternal type.. in fact - she keeps making comments about how she's SO GLAD she's not in my shoes (whenever I'm having physical issues due to my pregnancy)
..not only that but she's completely USELESS for helping me out with my 4 year old DD.. so I'm not counting on her to be any help whatsoever.
... I've recently found a girlfriend in my area that is pregnant, about a month behind me, and we've kind of become pregnant buddies, she's kind of my confidante now.. maybe you can find someone in your area that you can be buddies with that way.. I've found it helps quite a bit!
That's really sad to hear. I'm new here, but wanted to try to encourage you. Try to focus on your family and the new addition coming. Do you have a grandmother, GMIL or close friend or cousin that you can go to for help/support? I feel like no matter how experienced you are, any FTM needs all the support she can. I am a FTM and have 13+ nieces and nephews and have much experience through babysitting them, but still need my mom there for support during this time.
I hear you...My mother passed away almost 7 years ago. My father recently remarried. When i found out I was pregnant, the father wanted me to abort, so I am on my own on this, which I don't mind. I was told I could never have children, so this little one is a blessing.
My only sibling (Brother) passed away 2.5 years ago, so it is just me and my father. He only calls me when he needs something from me.
Suprisingly, the people who have been closest for me is my sister in law (Brothers wife) and her mom. We weren't that close before I was pregnant, but I would see her because of my 2 nieces ages 5 and 7.
My strength is coming from my church family...actually the ladies from my Sunday school class and my small group.
My church is holding my first baby shower on the 15th of October, and I know i am going to be an emotional wreck. I always hope my mom is looking down on me and my sweet little one and smiling. I hope I am half the mother she is. She would be crocheting away right now...LOL
So i understand completely about the No family feeling. Just be glad you have a DH that is there for you.
Wow...we could be twins! My DH is always working too. On top of that we just moved and the house could use some work that I would have loved to have done before LO arrives. My sister lives 3 hours away and my parents live 5 minutes away. They visit my sister at least twice as much as they come see us (my brother and his family live 10 minutes away and are in the same boat with my parents).
For some reason this week the hormone cry has turned into anger though.... PP was right, I need to continue to focus on my new family and try to put out the hurt feelings that are gathering with others.
Sad but true, my mother taught me not to expect anything of people, because you will only be disappointed in them. I have come to not expect anything from my parents. Their weekend visit was pushed back because my sister's latest crisis that she couldn't handle, but they came (they live 5 hours away from me). They helped out a lot and were present and useful. If they hadn't come, I would've dealt.
Luckily my DH and I are at a place where if I can't handle something and he doesn't have the time for it, we try to outsource it to someone else to handle. It sucks and most of our friends are not in the same place we are at, so we will make due. I keep telling myself all I need for this child is a place for her to sleep and a car seat. That usually helps calm me down.
All of these stories are sooo sad. My heart goes out to all of you. I don't have experience with this kind of issue, so I really have no advice to give.
I would just focus on the great things in your life and feel lucky to have that. I feel so blessed everyday that DH and I found each other and we are building such a great life together. So many people are unhappy in their marriage and those are people they chose not born into.
Just focus on the things that you can control and change, not the things that you can't. Good Luck on starting a great and caring family.
I am really sorry for everybody that doesn't have the support that many of us take for granted. I hope you all know that we are here to help when we can and that many girlfriends can be there but just know that they may not want to intrude, so don't be afraid to ask. I hope you and your new families will be able to learn what not to do from your own experiences and know that even though you can't count on your families right now, your new family you are building will always be able to count on you!
I hope this is of some help and that you and your little ones are doing well!
Sep14 February Siggy Challenge: Favorite Romantic Movie - A Knight's Tale
Happily welcomed healthy baby girl December 2011.
Excited to welcome a new addition September 2014!
I feel very alone, but I'm used to it. I guess what hurts the most is that I kinda thought (maybe hoped) that me getting pregnant would have changed that with my family but it didn't. In fact, it totally backfired because my mother and I are now estranged and I have spent my entire pregnancy trying to make ends meet and having to move from place to place, depending on the charity of others. My sister rarely calls me, my real father has called me a couple times but it's like the blandest most generic conversation you could possibly have. Basically, everyone in my life that was around when I was doing good have more or less disappeared. It's hard to not be bitter about that. On top of all this, I have just about the worst BF you could possibly have through all this. He is completely disinterested and causes me more heartache than happiness. I've learned a lot of lessons in the past year and the main one is to not depend on ANYONE but yourself. My mother has done nothing but torment me all my life and this is the final act. If she has no interest in my well-being or my baby's, then she forfeits all rights as grandmother in my opinion. I don't even plan on sending her a birth announcement. My father will have to take it upon himself to make the effort to come see me and the baby, because all my life I have always been the one going out of my way to see him. Basically, I am through wasting my time and effort on them and if they want to be a part of my life and my son's life then they will have to come and get it.
I'm sorry about this,heatherom. I think I remember you posting about your BF before...I am sorry his situation has not improved
But I am glad to see you still have your pup. Even if some people don't quite get it, having a listening ear can make all the difference in the world. (((hugs)))