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What was your worst/funniest sexual experience ever?

lilbit923lilbit923 member
in Babies: 6 - 9 Months

My worst was when I was in college and I was dating this guy for about 2 months. Good looking, had his own company, etc. Well, we got down to business and I thought *any minute now and we'll get started*. He had already started and was so tiny I couldn't tell. It was horrible. FML! I looked down and I could have mistaken it for an outie. The only upside to that thing was no lint. Yeah, we didn't date anymore after that.

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Re: What was your worst/funniest sexual experience ever?

  • HyfagalHyfagal member
    My first boyfriend I got physical with was not very patient or romantic. While making out in his shed one night he whipped it out and jerked it while we kissed. I went home with spunk on my shoe and still hadn't ever seen a penis. I was too afraid to look down.
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  • lilbit923lilbit923 member

    imageHyfagal:
    My first boyfriend I got physical with was not very patient or romantic. While making out in his shed one night he whipped it out and jerked it while we kissed. I went home with spunk on my shoe and still hadn't ever seen a penis. I was too afraid to look down.

    Wow! Why do guys do that to us? It scars us. LOL!~ Your poor shoes.

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  • MolluskwranglerMolluskwrangler member
    He was gorgeous, his body was rock solid and not unlike the guys in 300, he was a carpenter on Trading Spaces (not THE carpenter but he worked on the show). Unfortunately, his ween was like a babies arm holding an apple, he got the tip in and then said "are you ready", I said "fvck this" and we stopped.  He then cried and said he was a virgin because that was as far as he had ever gotten.  We tried a couple other times that night but it was like giving birth in reverse.  
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  • HyfagalHyfagal member
    imageMolluskwrangler:
    He was gorgeous, his body was rock solid and not unlike the guys in 300, he was a carpenter on Trading Spaces (not THE carpenter but he worked on the show). Unfortunately, his ween was like a babies arm holding an apple, he got the tip in and then said "are you ready", I said "fvck this" and we stopped.  He then cried and said he was a virgin because that was as far as he had ever gotten.  We tried a couple other times that night but it was like giving birth in reverse.  
    Poor guy.
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  • earmuffs03earmuffs03

    When I was 23 I was giving my FB a blow job and my jaw got stuck open. I had to call my best friend and tell her to pick me up and take me to the ER (it was like 3am) it took her 10 min to figure out what I was saying. Trying saying "take me to the ER" without moving your mouth!! She had to tell the doc I was giving a guy a blow job, he laughed and then they had to knock me out and re-adjust my jaw!!!

    BTW: When I was leaving my FB house all he said was "Your not going to finish" azzhat!!! Although I still continued to sleep with him for another year! 

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  • lilbit923lilbit923 member

    imageMolluskwrangler:
    He was gorgeous, his body was rock solid and not unlike the guys in 300, he was a carpenter on Trading Spaces (not THE carpenter but he worked on the show). Unfortunately, his ween was like a babies arm holding an apple, he got the tip in and then said "are you ready", I said "fvck this" and we stopped.  He then cried and said he was a virgin because that was as far as he had ever gotten.  We tried a couple other times that night but it was like giving birth in reverse.  

    Bwahahahaha!

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  • MolluskwranglerMolluskwrangler member

    imageHyfagal:
    imageMolluskwrangler:
    He was gorgeous, his body was rock solid and not unlike the guys in 300, he was a carpenter on Trading Spaces (not THE carpenter but he worked on the show). Unfortunately, his ween was like a babies arm holding an apple, he got the tip in and then said "are you ready", I said "fvck this" and we stopped.  He then cried and said he was a virgin because that was as far as he had ever gotten.  We tried a couple other times that night but it was like giving birth in reverse.  
    Poor guy.

    I felt really bad for him, he was so sweet and well, stunning.  Not the smartest guy but I wasn't taking my pants off for him because he could do math.

    I considered giving him a blow job but I can't unhinge my jaw. 

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  • RosieBcheeks98RosieBcheeks98
    I had random booty calls with this one guy in HS and he would usually come over to my house whenever I called him.  Well one time he came over and it was late, I would say 2am.  I went out to his car (without my cell phone) we started messing around and I went to give a BJ.  About 15 seconds in, I heard a tap on the window..it was my step dad!!!!  I looked up and he said "Here it's the phone, it has been ringing for 10 minutes!"  Well that blew the moment (no pun intended).  I went inside and my mom was like "you have something on your face"  I knew she was just trying to bust me, so I laughed.  She still taunts me about it to this day.
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  • sbuxsweetiesbuxsweetie member

    My first time, we never finished. Just played "just the tip" and stopped because I wasn't on any form of BC and he didn't have a condom. 

    Not long after that, he broke up with me and proceeded to bang the ever loving crap out of one of my best friends. Tongue Tied



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  • catycatecatycate member
    I had a loser boyfriend and we were living with his parents at the time (did I mention I was sorta a loser back then, too?) and the only place we could get busy was the shower (looking back as a grown up, I have no idea how that made the most sense, since it's pretty apparent when people shower together), and one time he dropped me on the soap holder- the little porcelain thing? My head got gashed, the holder got smashed, and and the noise brought his parents arunnin'. I am apprently a bleeder, so there was blood, nakedness, parents. It was just all very bad.
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  • RoninSirPuppyPupRoninSirPuppyPup

    The first time I ever made out was horrible. He was literally sucking on my tongue, and hard. He would suck on my lip for a second and then suck on my other lip, my tongue. I was literally laughing at one point. I just *knew* something wasn't right.

    I never made out with him again, but I hear he's not in jail. Interesting.

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  • QuintonsMummahQuintonsMummah member

    It was the night that the 2002 Stanley Cup was won in Detroit. I was living there then with my Dad.

    My Dad was so cool that he setup the pop-up camper in the back yard that summer so me and my friends could "party" and not wake him up. Cool right?

    Well around 1-2am a few friends came over saying the Biddle(a street near us) was going crazy with fans and it was packed! So I "snuck" out of the back yard to go with my friends. Hung out for a while, and saw a kid that I knew from another friend...around 5am we get back to my pop-up camper and me and this guy started fooling around. Me still being a virgin I thought it was awesome and he was awesome so I decided to give it up to him....bad idea.

    Before he even got it in my Dad opened up the camper door to check if me and my friend Amanda were sleeping in the camper. I had to tell my dad to get out like 3 times before he realized that this guy wasn't trying to take advantage of me. I walked outside, after dressing of course, and talked to my dad telling him I'm sorry. Surprisingly he wasn't as angry as I had imagined(weird right?)

    By the time I got back to the camper, the guy was freaking out thinking my Dad was going to get a shotgun or something.

    I never saw that guy again and I'm glad he wasn't the one I actually gave my V-card to  

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  • cgr8979cgr8979 member
    I've never had sex.

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  • LISAF1197LISAF1197 member
    imagelilbit923:

    My worst was when I was in college and I was dating this guy for about 2 months. Good looking, had his own company, etc. Well, we got down to business and I thought *any minute now and we'll get started*. He had already started and was so tiny I couldn't tell. It was horrible. FML! I looked down and I could have mistaken it for an outie. The only upside to that thing was no lint. Yeah, we didn't date anymore after that.

    Your turn.

     

    Ewwww!!! Omg, this just brought me back about 12 years!! I had this same experience....he was the 2nd guy that I had been with and we went to his house and went from 0-60 (without any play) and all of a sudden he was done.  It was the most horrifying experience of my life.  I remember I just couldn't get my clothes on fast enough and I felt so sick about it.  Seriously- he was smaller than my pinky finger.

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  • lilbit923lilbit923 member

    imagecgr8979:
    I've never had sex.

    Ha! Love this!

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  • Bexxy10Bexxy10
    I've had a couple.  My first one night stand had a seizure while I was on top and I didn't realize it at first and then had to run naked to the party we had snuck away from to get someone to call 911.  Another time a guy with the same name as my dad started yelling out "who's your daddy" which totally made me want to die a little.  Another time my bf and I were fooling around he really wanted head and I told him I didn't feel well, and he kept begging for it so I went ahead and started and then threw up all over his lap.  It's a wonder I ever got pregnant with the luck I tend to have.
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