Surprised at my reaction...
twinkl5379
member
I haven't taken birth control for nearly 2 years now but have only been actively TTC since Jan. of this year. However, b/c of some health issues I've put it on hold for a few months, so it hasn't been a full 9 months of trying - more like 6 or 7.
Anyway, since I haven't been on BC for so long, I'm slightly worried that I may have trouble. My dr said she'd put me on clomid if I'm not pregnant by this fall/winter and if that doesn't work, then I can start testing for infertility issues.
So I really try not to worry about it and think that it will happen when the time is right.
But, recently I went to a co-worker's baby shower with other co-workers, nearly all of whom have kids.
As soon as I left, I was in tears all the way home. H was hugging me when I got home b/c he knew what it was about (I told him). I just feel sad that everyone around me is so happy with their babies or they're pregnant and so much of the talk is about that. I am truly happy for them but it makes me sad that I can't have that joy in my life.
I felt a little mad at H too b/c I felt so alone. He's told me how BM had no problems getting pregnant...twice. Gee, even more to make me feel like I'm inadequate and in this all by myself.
I really surprised myself by my reaction b/c I "pretend" it doesn't matter. But I guess the truth is I want one more than I even let myself believe. Family is very important to me, and I left mine (ie, moved 1,000 miles away from a big family) in hopes of starting one with with my H, but it hasn't happened.
Anyone else experiencing this?
Re: Surprised at my reaction...
Me.
We've been trying for 9 months now. I also have not been on BC in about 4 years.
I visited my doctor last week and I have to have blood tests on day 3 and 21 of my next cycle.
I am 33 and my mother began the menopause at 38 so that is concerning.
SS was conceived on a ONS, DH has never mentioned how easy BM got pg but it speaks for itself lol.
I am not really freaking out or anything, just kinda going with the flow. I have to say though last month was the first month that my heart sank when I got AF.
In a way I would rather put this drama between BM and DH to bed AND with a little help from couples counseling get DH and I to a better place before I get gregnant.
I am due AF this weekend and my breasts are already very tender and I am showing all the usual signs that she is well and truly on the way. O well.
Good luck!
My first pregnancy was much sooner than we had planned...in fact, I found out I was pregnant the day we got home from our honeymoon! Umm...Oops. lol But I ended up having a m/c. After that I used OPK for 10 months before I got pregnant with DD. So I'm not sure if we were really luck the first time, or really unlucky the second, or what. But even if it takes several months it doesn't mean that there is a problem or that it won't happen. I don't know if it's true or not, but I know they say stress makes it harder for you to get pregnant, and with DD the month I threw my hands up and said forget it, was the month it happened. lol
Have you been charting and/or using OPKs? Good luck to you and Phantom both!
I was 36 when we started TTC. I went to my OB, who sent me to have that nasty tube blowing of air, worse pain than my ovarian cysts and even most of my contractions procedure. Both tubes were blocked up, one completely with gunk and one partially.
After the clean up, BAM I was pregnant the next cycle.
Everybody is different - and each and every month you are different too!!
A healthy woman under the age of 35 only has a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month!! Don't forget that. And your husband travels a lot - so I am sure that there have been quite a few motnhs that your timing was off!
When DH and I got married I was 34 (with no children other than SS). We decided right away to stop avoiding (I was not on the pill - we avoided other ways) because we knew it could take a while to get pregnant. 2 weeks later I Was pregnant - what a surprise!
However, last year we started trying for another child. On the 3rd month we got pregnant and then lost the pregnancy early. Two more pregnancies - and m/c occurred and lots of prblems in between (at one point I bled for 6 weeks after a m/c). I had a d and c - cleaned everything out and now I am 38 and knocked up again (and I am in 2nd tri - so I think this is working).
I don't say all this for a pity party - I just want you to know that it is different everytime you try to get pregnant - so don't compare to BM. First baby my DH barely looked at me and I was pregnant and 2nd time - it took a year and a bit of frustration.
If you really are concerned ask your OB for day 3 blood work and day 12 ultrasound (it is not invasive and checks your ovarian reserve and your follicle count on day 12). Also - you can ask for an HSG (prob what Illumine had) it send dye into your uterus and tubes to check for blocks - lots of time this can clear you out. And finally, use OPKs and have lots of sex. I never charted - but soem swear by it. THere is a book (I didn't read) call Taking COntrol of your own Fertility - again - people swear by this book.
You might ovulate early or late and you don't know!
It is hard when everyone has babies but you. I am 1 of 5 kids (2nd oldest) and was the last to have a baby - so I know sometimes it is really hard - but don't worry - you might just have timing problems.
Keep stress free as possible and keep up the sex!!!
::Raises Hand::
I'm 35 & DH & I have been trying for 8 cycles. I started charting last month & highly recommend it. Go to www.fertilityfriend.com & sign up (you get a free trial). The site has wonderful tutorials that will be emailed directly to you. It's amazing what I didn't know. Also the Trying to get Pregnant board on the Bump is a wealth of info. I suggest lurking for a while & reading the link that's found tat the top of the TTGP page thet says "new here? read this". It has a lot of great info as well.
I'm on my 2nd round of Clomid. About 3 months ago I had blood work done & found that my progesterone levels were low after I should have ovulated. Meaning that I wasn't ovulating at all. This along with my age prompted the Dr. to suggest Clomid. Last month I was prescribed 50 mg. It wasn't enough, I didn't ovulate. This cycle I tried 100 mg & I finally O'ed. I got a call from my dr. & she was very excited. I'm planning on taking a pregnancy test tomorrow morning so keep your fingers crossed for me.
Good luck & feel free to click on my chart below to check it out. It will seem very foriegn at first but you'll get the hang of charting pretty quickly.
Please keep these three points in mind.
I ovulate WAY early, compared to the average calculator based off when you start your period. I had to KEEP fighting with the military providers (all nurses, I never did see a doc or pa) over my expected Due Date (they had me almost three weeks later than I should have been).
I KNOW when I had sex and it was only once with a 6 week window both ways.
It took me going to my civilian OB, who did a dating US, to have them finally believe me.
We haven't started TTC... It would not be a good time with work... I don't want to be a pregnant resident and want to own a home first... but I desperately want a baby... when we're ready... (H is newly on the fence about more children)...
My minera is good for 2.5 more years...
Pro Engagement Pics ~ Pro Wedding Pics
ME! We've been actively trying since May. I have PCOS and since we've started I've only gotten AF twice. I had a 35 day cycle from May -June and a 65 Day cycle from June-August. I'm now on day 51 of this cycle. My DH is also gone a lot so even though I try and track my cycles and stuff and think I have my timing right it doesn't seem like I've really gotten it yet... If this cycle goes another 9 days I'm calling my OB and asking for an appointment b/c we need to work on something to help shorten my cycles. I know we've only been trying for almost 6 months but with the PCOS I've only got 3 good chances in a year instead of 6 so I wanna make the most out of it.
These long cycles are killer too. Last month my DH was even convinced that I was pregnant. I had the tiredness, the morning sickness, the belly bloat, the bigger boobs, etc. My HPT kept coming back negative and my OB said to wait another 30 days. I ended up going to my primary for a regular appointment and told her that I had just gotten what I thought might be my period but that it was the worst I ever remember. It was the heaviest I ever had it, I had clots, terrible stabbing pains in my stomach etc. She said that knowing my medical history and what I was telling her that she believed that I was having a miscarriage. I was so devastated. I probably had a little person growing inside of me and never knew it and now it was gone. I didn't know if it was worse thinking I wasn't or finding out that I might have been and now I'm not anymore.
Sorry I got side tracked, but back to your original post, yes I get jealous, envious etc, of other people. There are several girls at work that are pregnant/just had a baby. I get so mad that they're 18,19,20 years old, they don't have a high school diploma let alone a college degree, they aren't married or even still with the baby's father, and they complain that they're pregnant and that they never ever wanted to have a baby and then there is me. I'm almost 25, married, my DH has a GREAT job to support us, I'm 1 semester away from graduating with my teaching degree and I want a baby more than anything.
This one girl at work called the baby a little F***er while she was pregnant with him and said something about wishing she had had an abortion when she could have and I think I almost died inside. Here I am working my butt off to make a better life for my Skids and future LO's and she's complaining b/c she has the one thing that I want more than anything in life!
Now I don't feel that way about everyone. Our very good friend and his wife are having their 2nd baby tomorrow and I couldn't be happier for them! Do I wish it were my turn, yes, but it doesn't make me any less happy for them b/c they've got all their ducks in a row and they're mature and responsible enough.
You Grew in My Heart instead of My Tummy
Proud Step-Mama to Clayton- 11/8/03
Proud Step-Mama to Amelia- 11/16/04
Proud Step-Mama to Brennan- 6/10/06
TTC OUR first
BFP#1 10/8/11, Blightened Ovum 10/17/11, D&C 10/18/11 @ 7w4d
BFP#2 6/10/12, EDD 2/14/13 ~Team Green! Grow baby Grow! Stick baby Stick!! IT'S A GIRL!!! Abbigaile Mae 2/21/13 7lbs 6oz 21inches 4:15am
Infertility(not that you have infertility) sucks...plain and simple!!! I have PCOS. Ours was(praying IF we have more that I don't have secondary infertility) female factor. I had dreamed of being a mommy since childhood. We're raised in a society where motherhood is something expected of a woman and if she can't achieve that she's somehow failed. I don't agree it adds pressure. We did Clomid and had a referral to a RE but declined. We had taken a break to re-group, let God take control and a lot was coming up.
We tried for 2 1/2 years before getting our surprise baby! TTC is a huge roller coaster and it seems like it NEVER ends. I find myself still fighting the effects of infertility...it has robbed me of many things.
I use to hate,hate(that sounds horrible) showers and pregnancy announcements I was happy for a precious miracle(all kids) and for the parents. I'd be sad/jealous then feel angry at myself for feeling this way. I felt like I was a dog chasing its tail when it came to emotions. I suggest being honest with yourself and spouse. Be open with your friends...not everyone,but the close people. We didn't tell people because I didn't want 999999 people asking if this was the month. However, this left me alone with my emotions each month that AF arrived. I found a forum(it's religious) stepping stones with AMAZING ladies
Hang in there...I wish you the best!
Thanks for relating, ladies. It's good to know these feelings are normal and others are in the same boat.
I'm 32 and H is 35, so I don't feel like we have forever to figure this out, but I hope we'll get there. Good luck to everyone!
Ehhh ladies are having babies in their 50s these days...not that I want a newborn at 50.