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Pregnant after a Loss
elviebird
member
I have to get this off my chest
elviebird
member
Deep down, I've been feeling bitter since my loss in May. Not that I had the loss, but the way certain people in my life reacted to it. I need to get this out because every time I think about it I get a little angry and I really need to just let it go.
My SIL was my biggest cheerleader when we were TTC the first time. She was one of the only people I told about the pregnancy because she asked me about it so often and I didn't feel right lying to her. I'm still a little irritated that I was "forced" to tell when I really wasn't ready. What gives people the right the ask these sorts of personal questions? Don't they understand that when we're ready for them to know, we'll tell them?
When I found out that the baby had no heartbeat, she was in the midst of planning an out of state bachelorette party for my cousin, and of course I had planned to go. Well, I canceled, obviously, and she told me that she really, really wanted me to come anyway. Because going drinking and partying would take my mind off the dead baby inside of me and make me feel better. And she knew lots of people who had miscarried and now had healthy babies and one day I would too.
I know she meant well, but I have not been able to forgive her for saying those things to me. Unless she experiences a loss, she will never, ever know what it feels like. And then how it feels to have people dismiss the pregnancy and the mourning that comes from losing one.
I don't know what the point of this was, except I needed to get it out and I knew you ladies would understand. Thanks for reading.
Due 12/20/11 ~ Lost our Muskrat at 9w2d
4/25/12 ~ Our angel, Persephone James, is here!
4/25/12 ~ Our angel, Persephone James, is here!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I have to get this off my chest
I totally get you! I've never been able to forgive a really good friend I had... Here's the story. Well, one of them...
Two weeks after I miscarried, I had invited her to dinner because DH was away on a Saturday night and I wasn't really in the mood to be alone. I went all out and cooked all day. My table was looking impeccable, my house was clean, I was dressed and all made up. Oh yeah, it was also the end of my first week at work. At one point, I started crying while we were talking about D&C. She looked at me and said in the harshest tone : You know, it's time, you really need to move on with your life. I couldn't believe my ears. It's been TWO weeks! I was a mess when she left. I'm really not proud to say that I still haven't been able to forgive her and I probably won't be.
I'm sure many women here can relate! Don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself some time. I hope everything goes well. She is family after all.
((Hugs)) to you both. Words can hurt, no matter if it is intentional or not.
It always helps to vent, and you know we understand. I had a late loss, so it's a little different in situation, but it's amazing how some people felt I needed to snap back and be myself again. News flash! I will NEVER be my OLD self again. My life has been forever changed. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, KWIM?
My SIL and I regularly get into it and we didn't speak for her entire pregnancy...she got pregnant right before I lost Cailin.
((Hugs)) I know it's hard, and you just have to keep telling yourself that people really don't know what to say in that situation, sometimes even if they've been through it themselves. Sometimes you have to get those feelings out of your system.
The day after I found out about my missed m/c, when I was on the phone sobbing to my mom, she decided it was as good a time as any to tell me that my cousin's wife was pregnant, and due a couple of weeks before I was supposed to be. A couple of weeks later, she and my dad both told me that I should stop being so sad and get over it. Am I still a little angry and bitter? You bet. Will I ever forget that my own mother, who had a m/c herself, was so insensitive? Never.
Ella born 12/21/11