Military Families
loveN_387
member
pregnant husband deploying
loveN_387
member
i'm 12 weeks and my husband will be deploying in november. i'm just nervous about it..this is our 2nd child but the 1st to be born while in the army (our daughter is 4) i don't know what to expect or how to prepare for this deployment. our daughter and i are staying at fort hood while hes gone, id love to go back home but my husband doesn't want me to because we'll lose the house we have on post. honestly, i'm scared.
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Re: pregnant husband deploying
Though I haven't gone through exactly what you are, I know that the prospect of having your husband gone through pregnancy can be a very daunting prospect. My husband has spent the last trimester of our pregnancy away in training for the Navy and will most likely not be present for the delivery.
I had some intense emotions and expectations to work through and move beyond before I was ready to accept the situation. I had to keep telling myself that I was not the first, and nor would I be the last, military wife to go through this. It was encouraging to think of the sisterhood of military wives and know that I was not alone. I also had to remind myself that the reason my husband was doing this was so that he could provide for our family. I needed to do my part and admit that though the situation was not ideal, it was necessary.
In addition, I asked another military wife with older children how she got through her husband's deployment to Iraq and she responded "you just do". It's true. You just make it work. In our case, I have asked a very good friend of mine who both my husband and I trust to stand in for him during the delivery. I have included her in my tours of the birthing facility and talked with her about what my hopes are for the delivery. I've called on my friends from church for support and tried to keep really busy to pass the time while he is away. My mother in law has graciously come to keep me company leading up to the delivery and my mother will come after the baby is born. Occasionally time drags but all in all it goes quickly.
Growing up my mother would always tell me that it takes 21 days to make a new habit. Give yourself time to adjust to the news, alter your expectations, and then adjust to having him gone. In the past when my husband has been at sea, I found that there is a pattern to my emotions - the first week or so is fine, I get sad weeks 2 and 3 and after that somehow I've formed new habits and found new things to occupy my time while he is gone. I have to say that I've enjoyed having the bed to myself as I've gotten bigger and it's been fun to experiment with foods that my husband does not enjoy. I spent a week eating nothing but curry (which he dislikes.)
What are some things you can do to celebrate your (temporary) autonomy? What things doesn't he like that you can indulge in? Are you involved in any mom groups? Can you take time to spend time with ladies from that? MOPS (I've heard) is a fantastic way to get connected to other moms of small children.
It's ok to be scared, disappointed, frustrated, irritable, AND happy. Life carries on and Lord willing you'll be reunited before you know it. Do your best to stay in touch and let him know your day to day activities.
My mother in law (a retired military wife) gave me an article once which suggested that the best way we can support our husbands while they are away is to do our best to take care of things as much as we can on our own so that they can focus on their job and not worry about us. I think there is some truth to that. You and your husband chose this lifestyle, just as we did. You are part of that team and I bet a lot stronger than you know. You'll surprise yourself over the term of his deployment with the things you take care of that you didn't think you ever would. Hang in there. It will be ok and you'll survive.
I just finished a booked called "Home and Away" which is written by a reservist JAG who deployed to Iraq. I'll be honest and say that if you are a worrier it may not be a good read for you because he does discuss some of the dangers of war, but it is a poignant tale of one family's experience. It may give you some insight into what to expect. Also, talk with other military families to see what they've done to make things easier. Don't isolate yourself. That is a recipe for disaster. Get involved, ask for help, and make sure to make time for yourself. You shouldn't have to do it alone.
Blessings to you and your family!
I'm 8 weeks and H is deploying in Nov as well. We had a DD who is 6 and I will be alone when I give birth in late April early May. I will have to have a c-section again so more hospital for me. I am a little scared but I know we will be fine.
I thought if you went home while your H is deployed they hold you base housing? We are USMC and they hold your base housing if you go home for a deployment. I would check with base housing office on that for sure.
My mom will be coming down for the birth and a few days afterwards, a friend will be coming after that for a week and my neighbor will help with bringing and picking DD up from school. It is not going to be easy but it will be fine.
Good luck!!!
Sorry about the length of the previous reply but I have one last suggestion. I have been told (but not confirmed since I found out about it too late to be applicable to our situation) that it might be possible to get a military-appointed Doula to help you. They can provide childbirth classes, give you support and act as your advocate during childbirth, and then supply postpartum assistance.
If you are interested in learning more about Doulas, DONA.org can point you in the right direction and help you find one if you decide you'd rather choose your own. Keep in mind that some civilian places provide Doula students for free or you can choose to hire one for a fee.
thank you for all the ideas.
when it come to the house, we are getting a bigger house here on post that i will probably be moving into when H is deployed. luckily, my sister who is also an army wife is here at the same post as me, so she and her husband will be a big help. my mother may be coming before the birth and staying with me for a couple of weeks. i also have 3 other sister that say they are coming but probably aren't.
since my H is leaving before thanksgiving will be having an early november thanksgiving, hopefully some of the soldiers that he works with will come with their families too. during christmas time my daughter and i are going to be flying to his dads house and stay a couple of weeks there.
i do plan on my daughter being there during the birth, here on post they have classes for older siblings to learn how to help take care of a baby and a class for siblings over 5 to be in the L&D room. my plan is to have her cut the cord if they allow it.
i also plan on becoming more active in our church. i know this deployment will be hard without God.
thankfully lots of kids movies are going to start showing in the theater and i want to focus most of my pre-baby time on my daughter.