Help me not feel guilty about weaning...

TreatsMcGee · September 2011

I'm an infrequent poster, so I don't want this to come off as offensive to anyone...breast feeding is everyone woman's choice, etc. I chose to do it.

However, I have been going back and forth about weaning and I think I'm going to do it (weaning from breast feeding.) LO is 6.5 months old and was EBF for 3 months. When I went back it was 50% breast milk 50% formula. My supply has dropped off quite a bit and with work being so busy I find it dropping even more. I talked to my doctor about it and he is more than supportive of me doing it. BUT, why can't I shake this guilty feeling?

I'd like to hear from moms who have weaned before one year...if you care to share.

No flames, please.

Hyfagal · September 2011

I think many women feel that guilt. We all know that it is best for baby but many don't realize just how demanding it is until they try it. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves on top of the physical demands. Good job on making it this far. No one can tell you what to do to ease your mind, but know that you aren't a bad or less loving mother for not breastfeeding.

TreatsMcGee · September 2011

Thank you. I could just see some ladies flaming me because I feel guilty about weaning when not all moms breastfeed in the first place. He takes 50% formula now. I just have some unreasonable guilt for doing it for some reason.

LynsiBHM · September 2011

You did it for over 6 mos... that is an accomplishment!!! I had to stop due to supply issues (same as you- I was EBF, then 50/50 for awhile and that slowly dwindled more and more) and I felt guilty as well. To be honest, even if I had made it a year, I think i'd have felt a bit of guilt or sadness when it was over. You just have to do what's right for you and your LO, and only you know what that is.

The guilt does go away- it took me awhile but i'm a happy FF mom now. We still use feeding time as bonding time and LO is happy and healthy, so I have no need to feel bad! GL

thatgrrrrl · September 2011

I had supply issues from the start. I EBF but ended up having to supplement after every nursing session. When I went back to work my supply tanked even more, despite pumping 6-8 times a day. I nurses mornings and evenings (giving up the pump entirely) from months 5 to 6. Once M hit 6 months, I let my supply do whatever it wanted to. She got sick and didn't want to nurse and there went what little I had left.

She's thriving, happy, healthy, and now I don't need to find a place to sit/undress/lean/whatever to nurse her when we're out. I can throw together a bottle and give it to her. There is a lot of freedom in weaning. Do I miss nursing? Absolutely. Did I feel guilty about stopping? You'd better believe it. Do I regret weaning? Not a chance.

The guilt will go away. It'll take time. Think of it as a break up. It'll hurt, it'll start to fade, it'll become a fond memory. No matter how you feed your baby, you still bond and you've given your baby a GREAT start by doing the hard work you've done this long.

ilovechubbycheeks · September 2011

Hyfagal:
I think many women feel that guilt. We all know that it is best for baby but many don't realize just how demanding it is until they try it. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves on top of the physical demands. Good job on making it this far. No one can tell you what to do to ease your mind, but know that you aren't a bad or less loving mother for not breastfeeding.

Love this. I feel exactly the same way.

scy06 · September 2011

You're not alone. I'm seriously considering weaning because my supply is dropping, his teeth hurt, and we're going to be away from him (weddings) for the next two weekends. He's had plenty of formula before and I know he'll do fine on it, but because nursing has been so relatively easy for me after the first few weeks and I stay at home with him right now, I feel guilty for even thinking about it. Just like you, I know it is unreasonable, but I can't shake it.

I have a friend who weaned much earlier than she thought she would and it's been great for them.

rimjob · September 2011

You have nothing to feel guilty about. We weaned at 3 months because I was going crazy with pumping. I EPd right from the start and once I went back to work it just became too much for me and I would cry everytime I had to pump. I still wish sometimes that I could have stuck with it a little longer, but then I remember how awful I felt.

adoubleu12 · September 2011

Making it as far as you did is awesome! 6 months was my original plan, but I had issues keeping up with twins. They were low birth weight, so we had to supplement with Neosure, and they were in the NICU, so they were started on the bottle too often too soon. They never got the hang of latching on, so I had to EP. It was very stressful, and very exhausting. I think the stress made my supply drop, until there was pretty much nothing. So I ended up going to 100% formula at about 3 months. My girls are perfectly healthy, and you would never be able to tell they were preemies! I do feel guilty at times, especially when I hear about other twin mom's that made it 6+ months, but I don't let it get to me.

FutureMrsCaesar · September 2011

I'm in a similar situation, except my supply is fine, I'm just kind of sick of doing it. It feels like every single day there's at least one time when he wants to eat and its a less than desirable situation to try to nurse in (out to eat, shopping, DS1s preschool, zoo, etc). He doesn't take any solids so there's no holding him off with a little snack until it's a better time. Not to mention he doesnt' STTN, so I'm getting up to feed him at least once a night. It's just starting to feel like an overwhelming responsiblity.

I feel incredibly guilty for wanting to stop. It's the best for him, it's free, there's no washing bottles, etc.

And on top of all this, he's started biting me! Twice yesterday, once making my nipple bleed!

So I know this didn't help, but know that your aren't alone with your thoughts and desires. I agree with what someone else said that at first it will be hard, but eventually you'll be fine with your decision. GL!

janecanadian · September 2011

Good for you for making it this long! I felt the guilt too once I made the decision to switch exclusively to formula around 6 months. I felt much better though once my hormones regulated themselves a bit and also once DD was so much happier and more satisfied with her feeds. When we breastfed she would scream after each feed and I am pretty sure it was because she was still hungry. Now I do not feel bad at all for the decision to make the switch to formula. DD is much happier which is wonderful, and this decision has been great for my own sanity!

ETA: DD also became a much better napper/sleeper once me made the switch. She always did sleep well but once we made the switch to formula her naps went from 45 min to 2+ hours and her nightime sleep went from 8 to 12 hours!

sbuxsweetie · September 2011

Hyfagal:
I think many women feel that guilt. We all know that it is best for baby but many don't realize just how demanding it is until they try it. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves on top of the physical demands. Good job on making it this far. No one can tell you what to do to ease your mind, but know that you aren't a bad or less loving mother for not breastfeeding.

Yes

I stopped BFing at 4 months because we had a lot of complications. It was causing too much stress for both of us. I do plan to try again with baby #2, though. Try not to beat yourself up too much if weaning is the best thing for you and for baby. You're doing great, mama!

ETA: 4 WEEKS, not months.. whoops.

TreatsMcGee · September 2011

Thank you all so much! I think it's the best decision for me at this point. I need to eliminate as much "stress" as I can these days and I think this is one of those things...

I really appreciate all the feedback!!

SeussicalOne · September 2011

You did a great job, mama! Your LO is going to thrive whether he is BF or FF. I will be honest and say I am sort of counting down the days until I start weaning DS at 1 year, at least during the day time. I'm just at the point where I am ready to be able to leave him with some milk and not have to worry about pumping or whether he'll take formula or not. I feel a little guilty for feeling that way but it also is a huge commitment and takes its toll. You did great to go this long

chardonnay24 · September 2011

I EP'd for 6 months. I felt guilty after quitting but it only lasted a few days. You may feel guilty but it will go away. My baby is healthy, happy, and thriving on formula. No more guilt here.

Kell+bell · September 2011

I haven't weaned yet, but don't feel guilty!!! Breast, bottle - it doesn't matter. But please remember that when you do wean, you have some hormonal shifts which may be making the guilt worse. I had some PPD back when I weaned DD. You did awesome - be proud!

09Bride03 · September 2011

Breastfeeding is hard work! Congrats for making it to 6 months! No need to feel guilty.

Doodle2011 · September 2011

You are not alone OP, going through this now myself. We started adding in RTF formula to the breastmilk because my stash was low and I was concerned about making a quick switch. Then I got sick and my supply tanked a little, I missed pumping sessions because I was so ill, and so we upped the ratio of formula to BM even more. Now I know darn well there is nothing wrong with formula. But I am still battling some guilt. Ok, a lot of guilt. DD has not batted an eyelash at the formula. I am continuing to breastfeed her in the early morning if she wakes up at an ungodly hour, and pumping once a day to make sure I don't get engorged, but I am sure within the next week or two the ratio of BM to formula will be 0 to 100, my one-day stash will go to 0, and that will be it. And I'm sad about it, I really am. But I am tired of pumping. I want her to have my BM, but am tired of lugging the machine to work. Hoping maybe once a day nursing will maintain a teeny supply so we can at least continue to do that until she is 1. Like someone else said, I think no matter WHEN I stopped, I would have been sad and felt guilty.

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