Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: VBAC vs RCS: would you rather?
well ... i haven't had a vbac or vag delivery, but a perfect c/s ... so my opinion is really not based on experience.
but given my c/s (which was pretty uneventful) i think i would still prefer a vaginal delivery.
don't feel guilty ... i have also been spending a lot of time lately worrying that i might not get the delivery experience that i 'want'. i feel my feelings, but try not to let them overwhelm me.
Well, I experienced basically a combo of your two scenarios the first time around (C/S and then DS was taken away to NICU, didn't get to hold or BF for 3 hours, etc.).
The "bad" parts of each scenario totally sucked. My DS was in the NICU for 24 hours, but my difficulty getting around and my generally slow recover lasted for weeks. And now that I have a 2 year old and will have a baby to take care of as well, I would choose the VBAC based on the fact that I will have a much easier recovery. I know my DS was in good hands in the NICU and as hard as it was to be away from him at the time, he is happy and healthy, we bonded and BF just fine.
I planned to attempt a vbac but it never really happened - my water broke but I never went into labor. Honestly, if I had to do it all over again I would just schedule the RCS (which I said all along if I could look into the future and know that's what I would end up with I would schedule in a heartbeat).
Both of my c/s experiences were just fine and my recoveries were pretty easy. I was up and walking to the NICU the next day to see DD this time around - her NICU stay was unrelated to the c/s, but she was there for 6 days.
I went back and forth on whether or not I wanted a vbac/rcs for much of my pregnancy - I was basically scared of making the "wrong" decision either way and something going wrong. I now think that this birth in particular went the way it did for a reason - I think DD was ready to come out but my body just doesn't get how to actually go into labor.
One of my biggest fears with both of my pregnancies was that I wouldn't be able to hold/see my babies right away. Even aside from emergencies or medical reasons I've read so many stories about moms having c-sections and being in a seperate room from the baby to recover. WTF is the point of that???? So in a perfect scenario I would take the c/s over the VBAC with the baby being whisked off. That's knowing what I know now though- my repeat c/s was just about perfect and while my incision had a bit of trouble healing (small infection) I had no problems getting up and moving and taking care of my other child.
With my c/s I didn't get to hold or even touch DS until I got into the recovery room (about 45 minutes after he was taken out). I was then able to hold and b/f him, so that was very good. But I had a long hard labor and then the c/s, so I was exhausted, and then with all the drugs I was sick, and only remember bits and pieces of his first day. My c/s and recovery were text book and without any incident, so I was very lucky.
But I never want to go through it again. Cesareans carry a lot of risk, and the fact is they are major surgery. I have a new midwife now and am planning a HBAC. So I am open and willing to go through another long, hard labor. But barring any serious condition or emergency, my baby will not be taken from me (or at least not from the room I am in).
So why are those your two options? Having a long and/or hard labor doesn't mean your LO will be taken to a NICU, and having a c/s doesn't mean you will get to hold your LO immediately.
I'd rather have a healthy baby I could hold and nurse right away. I feel thankful that I never had to be separated from my baby with either my VBAC or my c/s.
But obviously IRL it doesn't come down to this choice, and babies born by scheduled c/s are more likely to have breathing troubles and need NICU time.
It's kind of not a fair comparison, because there are risks to baby either way and making either choice doesn't guarantee the results. Birth is a messy business.
My C/S was pretty good, I got to hold and nurse DD within 15 minutes. But, there was meconium, so she could have needed monitoring. But that would have been the case with either birth method.
For me, the choice is really about the recovery and risk to my life. And that's why I'm choosing the VBAC.
I know that it's a sensitive topic and I thought my disclaimers would help to stave off agitation. To be clear, I know it's not a choice between one or the other. It's just a thought/worry/musing that I have and I wondered if others thought the same way or had the same fears.
I certainly didn't mean to make people feel defensive, which seems to have happened a bit. I was just looking for a safe place to process my feelings on the matter and my fears about a second time around.
I don't think anyone is upset by your post. Please feel free to share your feelings/fears here. I'm sure you will find many of us can relate.