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TTC After a Loss
And I lost it today...
Today was my first day back to days from nights since my m/c. Keep in mid that I never told anyone that I was preg. I was planning on waiting until 12- 14 weeks and never got that far. I guess people heard that I missed a day of work (when I had my D&C) and were asking if I was pregnant and not feeling well that day.
Hello people! Where did you draw that conclusion? Wouldn't it have made much more sense if I was just sick.
I get that this has been a recurrent question over the past few months for me, mostly because I am married a couple of years and all my co-workers are expecting this to happen soon, since a few of us got married at the same time and they already have had their babies.
After hearing the same question at least 5 times (different people), I lost it. One actually told me that I should POAS before a work trip to Vegas next week "Just in case *wink wink" I totally went off and said "I was pregnant. I got to see the heartbeat at several appointments and everything looked fine. I went back for my next visit and the baby wasn't alive. I was in the OR on Saturday for a D&C... thats how I know I am not pregnant" Then I walked away.
I feel bad that I probably made her feel like sh*t, but all day I felt like that. I guess I should apologize tomorrow, but I am sad that I had to say "No, i'm not pregnant" so many times today.
Uggghhh... is it Friday yet?
BFP #1 8/1/11 Missed MC 9/09/11 D&C 9/10/11 (appx 9w4d)
BFP#2 11/13/11 !!! EDD 7/29/12
This discussion has been closed.
Re: And I lost it today...
I am so so sorry. People are really insensitive sometimes. I don't get why anyone would EVER think it is their business to ask if you are pregnant, but I'm so sorry that it's happening for you now.
Major major ((hugs)) to you today.
SO sorry hun. I hope that person thinks twice before berating the next person about being pregnant. I hate getting those seemingly innocent questions as well. They are insensitive and not classy.
My tactic is to say we are just practicing and don't want to rush into it, but that's easier to say when you aren't super emotional and just going through a recent loss. I have heard some funny comebacks, such as "my Dr said I have to wait 6 months to get the meth out of my system" (maybe not work place appropriote, but funny and shuts people up) and my DH told his buddy once (while I was sitting on DH's lap) that he was "waiting for the right girl to come along". Both comments were funny but also stopped the convo.
You had every right to lose it today and I'm sorry you had a rough one. Sometimes it's easier if you tell 1 person at work, just so you have 1 compassionate person to lean on and who you know will be sensitive to your situation. Hang in there...4 days left.
((Big hugs to you hon)).
During my EDD, I was feeling really down and took some days off from work. When I came back, I had coworkers asking me if I'm 'wink, wink' PG. It was really hard to hear that. I did break down about a month later and told some of my coworkers that I WAS PG. It was hard but at the same time I felt relieved to know that I didn't have this secret anymore. I hope your coworkers understand what you're going through and give you the support you need.
BFP#1: 7/14/10. EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby! BFP #4: 2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15 BFP #5: 4/5/15 EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)
BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Baby Names"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cfe4e" alt=" BabyFetus Ticker" border="0" /></a>((hugs)) I am sorry you had to deal with all that today. I must say, you answered exactly how I always imagine it in my head after the fact. After someone asks me something personal like that I never know what to say. Later I come up with all sorts of things but can never spit it out at the time. Kudos for you, I think was important to say.
BFP #1 6.19.11 ~ EDD 2.23.12 ~ CP on 6.22.11
BFP #2 7.23.11 ~ EDD 3.28.12 ~ MC on 8.16.11
BFP #3 11.17.11~ EDD 7.31.12 ~ MC on 1.18.12
BFP #4 4.12.12 ~ EDD 12.25.12~ Born on 12.26.12
Jenn
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
♥BFP #1 "Spawn"- 02/23/11 | EDD: 11/01/11 | natural m/c 03/20/11 @7w5d♥
♥BFP #2 "Offspring"- 11/10/12 | EDD: 07/25/13 | incomplete m/c 12/14/12 @8w1d | D&C 12/21/12♥
♥BFP #3 "Progeny" - 02/16/15 | It's a BOY!! | EDD: 10/17/15 | BD: 10/23/15♥
All AL Always Welcome
I have never understand why people think it is okay, to ask people such personal and potentially hurtful questions! "So, when are you two going to start having children?" "Are you trying to get pregnant?" "You're not drinking. Are you pregnant?" "Are you currently trying?" STOP IT! Just stop. Please. It is so rude!
I'm sorry you were bombarded with these pregnancy questions and comments. I don't think you should apologize. They should know that questions and comments like that have the potential to get your answer. If anything, they should apologize to you.
Another thing that I find frustrating: Once you are married people only ask you about children. If that is the only thing you have to talk to me about... then we are obviously not very close and you should NOT be asking!!
((hugs)) for you. Please don't feel bad for how you reacted.
BFP #1 5/4/11 EDD 1/12/12 natural m/c 5/17/11
BFP #2 8/9/11 EDD 4/18/12 ectopic pregnancy (methotrexate) 8/24/11 ruptured tube and removal 8/29/11
BFP #3 3/9/12 EDD 11/19/12 Logan born 11/18/12
~*~*Everyone Welcome*~*~
TTC since 7/10, BFP#1~6/28/11(4wks2d)~EDD 3/4/12, missed m/c(8wks)~8/12/11, D&C~8/16/11
BFP#2~12/15/11~EDD 8/25/12, Hannah born 8/22/12~ 7lbs 10oz & 21 in. long.
BFP#3~1/12/14~EDD 9/23/14, Found out baby is a girl!~4/18/14
|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com[url=http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/34aafc/]My Ovulation Chart[/url] || [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Chart[/url]Thanks guys! Your support is awesome. I feel sorta decompressed after today, and glad you all don't think i was a total b*tch for what I said (I was thinking I was lol). I'm planning on trying to avoid this topic again tomorrow as all costs. Fingers crossed!