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March 2012 Moms
2nd+ time moms- What's so hard about breastfeeding?
I'm literally asking... trying to decide if I wanna take bf classes and I'm curious what is it specifically that women find so difficult about the act of breastfeeding.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 2nd+ time moms- What's so hard about breastfeeding?
I didn't have suppy/latch issues. But the first few weeks HURT!! I mean, my nipples bled, I was engorged, etc.
It truly went from being the hardest thing I'd ever done, to the easiest thing in a matter of weeks. Time and practice made all the difference for me.
Same for me.
I was clueless about the proper latch and the angle of the baby's mouth to the nipple. Those two being wrong = sore cracked nipples. My baby started spitting up a little blood and it was from of me. I was also having a problem keeping her awake, she would nurse for 2 minutes and fall asleep.
I never took a breastfeeding class because I thought it was no big deal, breastfeeding would be simple....wrong. I ended up getting one-on-one help from a lactation consultant and that changed everything. I learned about latching and to keep the baby awake, don't bundle them up so they're nice and warm and snuggly, sometimes you have take them down to just a diaper or onesie to keep them from dozing off.
Honestly, I took a breastfeeding class but it in no way prepared me for what it is actually like to breastfeed. Most of my hurdles were mental, not physical. Yes, it HURTS for the first few weeks. Your baby may not latch on properly. Your baby may want to nurse constantly like mine did, which is totally normal, but will make you feel like you?re not making enough milk. That was my issue. Cash nursed a lot, sometimes out of hunger and sometimes for comfort, and I had always been told that babies eat every 3 hours. That might be true for formula-fed babies, but it was not true for us. I really just had to realize that my body was capable of doing it as long as I followed my baby?s lead. I never tried to set a ?schedule? because with breastfed babies, you just never know how much they?re drinking at one time, the milk moves through them faster, etc. So you will nurse them more often than you would give them a bottle. I had mastitis a few times, which happens when a milk duct gets clogged and infected. This usually happened when I was away from him for a long time and unable to pump. It?s hard to get comments from people who have never breastfed and don?t understand. So yes, it can be hard. But it was also one of the best decisions I ever made and we nursed until Cash was almost three, and I will definitely be doing it again! My advice is to talk to someone you know who has nursed instead of relying on a class. But that?s just me, you might get a great instructor who has lots of helpful information. Mine didn?t.
Take a class unless you have friends, sisters, aunts or a mother who can be on hand to help you figure it out. It is surprisingly not intuitive.
Biggest issue initially is latch. Poor latch can lead to supply problems, although that's not always the cause. You will know if you have a supply issue if your baby is not gaining weight (which your pediatrician will identify, don't need a class for that).
Also, and this is not class-related, but it all falls on YOU to provide for the child in the first few weeks, at least until you've established the latch and supply and can start pumping. And the kid eats constantly those first few days and weeks, so you are up around the clock. At one point I figured out I spent a cumulative 17 out of 24 hours sitting in a chair, breastfeeding, in a single day. So, as exhausting as it is to have a newborn, you can't even share the feeding responsibility for a while.
The ripple effects of this are, for example, whenever your child cries your husband will look at you and say "Maybe he's hungry???" and he will also say obnoxious things like "Are you sure he is getting enough?" and you will want to punch him in the face. But you don't need a class on how to deal with that
.
Let me start by saying I love breastfeeding and it has been a great experience for my baby and I. We started off to a rough start, but overall it's been wonderful. Sorry about this novel: I'm just very passionate about this topic!
I think that because breastfeeding is supposed to be so "natural" women think that they should just be able to do it. When breastfeeding was more mainstream, there were other women around to help and provide true hands on experience. Today, women are often more isolated in their efforts and they struggle. Plus, because formula was all the rage with our moms,many of them don't have knowledge to share.
The problems that come with breastfeeding can be many: poor latch, low supply, over supply, slow let down, fast let down, lazy nurserer, clogged duct, mastitis, etc. Some of those problems lead to other problems. Bad latch and you'll probably end up with super sore nipples, maybe even bleeding. Low supply and your baby will lose weight, perhaps get jaundice and you'll be discouraged.
The other thing is: breastfeeding is really hard because of the demands. If you haven't done it or been around it, you really don't know. People think, oh you just pump and then you can go about your life and leave baby with a bottle. This is true to some extent, but in the early days, you need to work hard to establish a regular pattern, so if it's time for baby to eat and you aren't with them, you need to pump. This is important for having enough milk and for your own comfort. If your breasts are full, they can be very uncomfortable.
Also, there is a lot of time required for breastfeeding. Some women are simply not up to that committment. One of my biggest mistakes was trying to feed baby quickly. I wanted to be done in 30 minutes or whatever, when really, my baby needed longer to eat. It can be overwhelming and exhausting to sit and sit and sit some more. Then baby is done, and in the early weeks you get an hour or so, then baby does it again. Basically, feeding relies solely on you. Even if dad is super supportive and wants to get up and give baby a bottle overnight, then you have to get up and pump, or risk messing up your supply, or hurting because your breasts are so full.
Again, I want to say that breastfeeding is wonderful and I loved it so much. You do need some support and I would really suggest finding a local La Leche League in order to get support for the many challenges. It is so worth it!
These were my issues with both girls. I had supply issues with DD1 after I went back to work.
Both girls had a difficult time maintaining the proper latch - which combined with their incredible sucking (comparable to a vacuum) made it incredibly painful for the first couple of weeks.
FWIW, I didn't do a bf'ing class with DD2 b/c I nursed DD1 until 19.5 months, but I spent a lot of time with the lactation consultants (who were AMAZING) b/c DD2 was a preemie and I wanted to make sure we had a successful transition to the breast (she started on bottles of pumped breast milk). So even if you don't take the class, you should still have access to the lactation consultants.
The nurse at the hospital will help you ...and they usually offer a madula rep that can also come in and help. I really dont think you need the "class". I was only 23 when i had my daughter and we got it right after like ten mins. The idea of it is worst than it actually is.
That being said...be aware that some people's boobies will get sore, chapped, bleed from being raw. I remember a little soreness but nothing worse. My cousin bleed and cracked her nipples all 3 times. Everyones boobies are different.
Read up about the lighting sensation you will feel when your milk comes in. That was the biggest shock to me. But the release of getting the milk/pressure is almost uphoric!
It seems like something that is supposed to come so naturally but there are a lot of different hurdles that you could encounter. Your mom or sister may have breastfed but everyone's experience can be different, so getting advice from one person you know that has done it might not necessarily be that helpful if they didn't have the same problem that you do. A good class (or book) is more conclusive and can help you learn about a wider range of things you may or may not experience and different ways to overcome the roadblocks.
I had an inverted nipple. After about half a day of trying, that nipple was completely bruised and sore and my baby was unable to nurse on that side, which took even more of a toll on the other side that was picking up the slack. If it weren't for the breastfeeding class I took, I never would have known that nipple shields existed and to ask my nurse for one. That made all the difference in me being able to successfully breast feed. (I combo-fed, nursing when I was at home and formula when I was at work.) My aunts who nursed would have never known about them as they all had their babies in the early 80s.
All of the ladies have covered what is hard about it. I will just say the class taught me what the latch should look like, which I had never seen before. The instructor also gave us the information on support groups and numbers to LC's.
If you don't want to take the class I would recommend talking with a friend who has breastfed before. Also check with your hospital about support groups. And definitely don't be afraid to contact a LC.
Breastfeeding was one of the hardest things I've done and the most rewarding. And now it has become the easiest thing. I can't imagine having to fix a bottle everytime DS is hungry or having to make sure I have enough for him when we go somewhere.
Whew, what a loaded question. Most of my problems have already been mentioned, but I will try to add my 2 cents, too.
DD never latched well in the hospital. I also went home a day early because the food was crap, we weren't sleeping and I was just ready to go! Of course my milk wasn't in until a few days after we got home, so I didn't realize how bad off we were while in the hospital. They tried to push the football hold on me, which I never liked. I always ended up with side-lying.
As soon as we went home DD started losing weight. To the point where her pediatrician had us supplement with formula using a syringe (to avoid nipple confusion). It was emotionally heartrending because our sole purpose in life is to care for this baby and I felt like I failed. Milk came in on a Saturday 2-3 days after we got home with a vengeance. I woke up a 32B and by 3pm was a 36DD. Literally. I woke up Sunday morning with mastitis in both breasts. Fever, burning boobies, flu-like symptoms. I thought it was just from being a new mom, but the pediatrician (who saw us on a Sunday to monitor DD's weight) looked at my face and could tell something wasn't right. Antibiotics cleared it right up, but it contributed to a rocky start. We didn't get the latch down for 3 weeks. This doesn't sound like long, but trust me, it is! It felt like years of tears and screaming and failure. My nipples cracked and bled (stock up on Lansinoh cream!), and I couldn't take anything for the pain from tearing extensively during labor because I couldn't get kiddo to wake up to feed if I'd taken anything more than ibuprofen. As it was, we had to do the whole gamut of stripping her, splashing her with cold water, etc to get her to wake up to eat. The other thing that pp mentioned is they eat every 2 hours at the beginning. You hear that and think, "OK I'll take lots of 2 hours naps." Nope. It takes and hour to feed, then you have to put LO back to sleep, then you might get a little nap.
For me, the first 3 weeks were absolutely terrible. However, I stuck with it and had a fantastic experience. I don't regret it and will gladly go through it again if it goes the same way this time. Those 3 weeks felt like decades, but they were only 3 weeks. We made it, and saved huge $ and time in the long run, not to mention the bond DD and I shared and the pride I could take in the fact that everything that she was came from me. I made her and I sustained her. It was indescribable.
(PS BF class didn't help me at all. The problems we encountered were ones we had to experience to get through them. My BIG advice is line up a lactation consultant ahead of time. You WILL have questions. My pediatrician's office had one on staff. We wouldn't have made it without her).
Once the feeding spread out and my hormones returned to normal, I loved it.
I had a similar story, except atleast they caught your troubles in the hospital. We took DS home and he was dehydrated and had jaundice and ended up back in the hospital for almost a week. Its tramatizing. I pumped for 3 months, bc then I could measure how much DS was getting, but in the end I wasn't pumping enough and my supply didn't rise at the rate DS needed and we had to suppliment with formula.
All moms and babies are different...I will try again, but DH is against it and just want to go with formula so there is no question of dehydration or starving your kid when you don't know it.
I am so sorry! I just wanted to be totally honest, because it was hard but we stuck with it and it turned out great. It was worth it. And most people don't have major issues. Have a support system and make a decision ahead of time. If you go into it thinking "I'm going to give it a shot" you will quit quickly. I never saw it as a choice to quit.
No no! Breastfeeding is amazing. Just don't be discouraged, that's all. I think most people would agree it's worth it in the end, and tons of people have no issues at all.
Don't let it scare you! The first couple of weeks are hard, but it does get easier and easier. If you really want to BF I think it is good to know what it is like in the beginning so you can be prepared. If I didn't know, I probably would have given up.
That true!
But I will say that the vibe I'm getting from everyone's experience is that while birthing classes may be helpful with the basics, the experience itself is going to be different for each person. I'm more of a hands on person myself as well and I feel like instead of spending money (I don't have) on classes that MIGHT kinda help, I could probably get info I need from friends, LC's, videos/books, (I've even heard from friends that youtube was helpful).
Fortunately for me I'm at a stage in life where I'm one of the last of many friends who have recently had babies. I literally have 5 close friends that have had babies in the last year (one of which being my SIL) and my other SIL is one month behind me with her 4th child. So I feel like with the handful of recent experiences there should be enough wisdom between them all to be just as helpful as a class would be. And their advice is free!!
I would really really encourage having on hand the number for an LC too, even if you have to pay them. I understand your hesitancy with a class, since it's impersonal. But if your friends and family didn't have issues they may not be able to help, nor would I be able to diagnose whether one of my friends had a good latch or not.
The breastfeeding class helped both DH and I so much last time that I would definitely recommend it to any first time mom. Not only did they discuss latch, but also much of the timing of bfing and what is normal. They also talked about going back to work after baby is born. I think it helped DH to realize how much time BFing takes.
I would say the most difficult things about breastfeeding is latch in the beginning and maintaining supply especially when you go back to work. I fought hard and was able to do it successfully as a working mom as a teacher for 16 months.
Like others have said, most of us are planning to do it again- so worth it, you just have to head into with the right mind set.
Someone else mentioned the breastfeeding class being extra helpful for DHs. I have to say, my husband has been one of my biggest supporters. He knew what to expect with breastfeeding and was prepared for some of the pitfalls and challenges. He never said, are you sure he's getting enough? Don't you think we should try formula, because he knew what to expect. It might be really useful to take the class for his benefit too!
as w/ most other posts, latch can be a problem...patrick was awesome at it but would go to town when he'd eat so he never latched properly & w/in a few weeks i had bloody nips. it was extremely painful & i was told i had to let him fed even more frequently, i ended up getting mastitis THREE times....it's not fun! that's when we switched to formula, i just personally couldn't take it & wasn't happy w/ bf'g like i thought i would be. it's not as easy as it seems so if you take classes & get some knowledge before baby comes along i think that's a great idea.
the other hard part for me was in the beginning he'd eat for 40-50 mins & then an hour later he'd be hungry again. and i didnt have a supply problem, if anything i had a ridiculous over supply, he was actually throwing up (not just spitting up) from the amount he'd eat & when we'd got to the dr they'd say he'd gained 4x's the amount of weight they expected, it was crazy. so every other hour he'd eat which meant i fed him 11-13 times a day which is very normal for newborns so you no longer belong to YOU, you're all baby's & when you're exhausted b/c you're up 6 hours at night & get 40 min intervals of sleep it's just hard on you (mentally & physically). i think it's different for everyone & you'll hear people say that even their children were different from one another so it may just depend on how you both do with it but it certainly wasn't as easy as i originally thought it would be.
I wish I would have taken a class. While I know in hindsight that I couldn't have been prepared, I will always wonder, "what if?"
For us, DS appeared to latch. Two LCs at the hospital looked at it and said he was doing great. A week after he was born, we went for our well visit with our chosen pedi and were immediately sent to Children's with orders to go to the ER knowing we'd be admitted. We had an express pass too... so no waiting in the ER. At one week pp, I was a hormonal mess, and that just turned me in to a blubbering idiot. We spent 3 days with DS in the RCNIC at Cincinnati Children's for severe dehydration. He lost 18% of his body weight in one week of life, and it took him almost 3 weeks to gain it back. I don't want to scare you, but this is something you have to be aware as a possible issue. Luckily we didn't have jaundice issues on top of it.
Anyway, despite multiple attempts to get him to latch I wound up exclusively pumping. It worked for us, but it took a long time to really figure it all out. The BFing board on here was a huge help that year and I learned a ton.
For this LO, I haven't decided if I'll pump or try to get this one to latch. Those that have EP'd may think I'm crazy. We'll see. This time around I have 6 mos off before I go back to work... so I really haven't made up my mind if I want to go through the agony of being attached to a pump or just latch. But seriously, most people who have EP'd would think I'm nuts for even having this thought.
ETA: Whatever route you decide- whether it be breastfeed or formula feed, it will all become second nature to you within a few weeks. But it does take time!
Well, first, DS was an insanely sleepy newborn (he was near term, and I don't think he was quite ready to be born), so it was hard to get him to feed for more than 5 minutes. I feel like he didn't really wake up until he was 6 week sold. His latch was shallow due to tongue tie, which was finally fixed at 8 or 9 days old. Because of his shallow latch, it was very painful. It felt like he was biting the tip of my nipple off.
Then, he lost 15% of his birth weight and became jaundiced, so we had to supplement. To try to keep my supply up, our routine was breastfeed (took 30 minutes), then bottle feed formula or pumped milk (took 30 minutes), and then pump (20 minutes). When DH was home, he would bottle feed so I could go straight to pumping, but he went back to work when DS was 10 days old. When every feed is taking an hour and 20 minutes, and he was feeding every 2.5-3 hours, it was absolutely exhausting.
I was never able to stop supplementing. My supply wasn't enough. I decided to cut out directly breastfeeding and exclusively pump so that at least I could cut one step out of the feeding process. I only got about 6-8 oz/ day. To try to improve my supply, I pumped 7 times/day for 20-30 minutes and spent 1 hour a day doing a power pumping session. That means I was spending ~4 hours/day hooked up to the pump. And getting almost nothing.
After taking every supplement possible, I resorted to taking Reglan. Then I started getting 12 oz/day. However, I really didn't feel comfortable taking that long term due to the potential for nasty adverse effects. When I quit it at 10 weeks, my supply almost instantly went back to 6 oz/day. I decided 6 oz wasn't worth 4 hours of my time and quit.
All that said, I'm going to try again. Every baby is different. Hopefully my experience this time will be better.
Disclaimer: My experience is not the norm!
The first 5 months of BF were pure he!!. I had mastitis multiple times (6, I think) and many more bouts of thrush. My first bout of mastitis was when J. was 8 days old. I felt sicker than I've felt it years. It was way worse than the times I've had the flu.
I also had the worst cracked nipple my midwife has ever seen. It was so bad that I eventually asked for a nipple shield to help it heal (which I didn't want to use, as J. had trouble gaining weight, but that's a whole different story). And though it healed, it didn't heal normally. (TMI...but, the nipple is now smooth, not bumpy)
I have Raynaud's syndrome, which means more pain in my nipples.
Thankfully, most of these issues went away when J. was around 5 months. (I stopped developing mastitis and thrush so often then.) The Raynaud's symptoms also decrease; now I only have pain from it when I go from one temp. extreme to another, like getting out of the shower.
Latching was never a problem for us. Neither was supply.
I highly recommend the book and video by Dr. Jack Newman about BF, especially if you don't want to take a class. (I think the video is called The Visual Guide to Breastfeeding, but I'd have to google to be sure.)
ETA: All of that being said, imo, struggling through all of that was more than worth it. We still BF, and J. is almost 14 months.
There have been a lot of great responses about what exactly makes BFing difficult, but one thing I didn't see mentioned: sensitive stomach baby. Lucian was like that. He had an 'okay' latch, but was MUCH better with the nipple shield... After I learned how to keep him awake while feeding it seemed a little easier because it was a little quicker- which makes a huge difference. The thing that I had the hardest time dealing with (aside from being lonely...we had guests over a LOT the first few weeks -they helped around the house- and I refused to nurse in front of my guy friends) was the fact that everything I ate caused him a lot of tummy pain and gas.
I tried eliminating foods from my diet one by one, and still no difference. He was colicky, yes, but this was after each feeding, so I knew part of it was my fault somehow. It got to where I could have nothing more than water, meat and my prenatal, and the meat couldn't be spicy. (My sister said all 3 of her kids had sensitive stomachs, too) He was thriving and gaining weight, but I didn't feel that either of us was getting much nutrition. Plus, I was unable to wean him from the nipple shield, and his suction was so strong that he warped the nipple shield so it wouldn't stay on properly- I had to hold it wit two fingers while he nursed.
After a month I was pumping and nursing, and I completely stopped nursing at 2 months, then stopped pumping at 2.5 months. Pumping sucks, BTW. If your H isn't awake/there to help, you not only have to feed LO, but spend the time pumping and THEN clean out the pump and store the milk- by then you MIGHT get a 30 nap. Between the limitations at work and nowhere acceptable to pump (A dingy bathroom? NO. And it's not a one-person bathroom, so everyone would hear me pumping... skeevy) and him still having sensitive tummy, I switched completely to formula.
I liked being able to provide him breastmilk and when it didn't upset his tummy, I was very proud of myself. Even though I felt I had 'valid' reasons to stop, it was heartbreaking for me to throw in the towel. (My sister BF'd her first two until nearly 2 years old, and intends to do the same with her 3rd. I felt a lot of pressure to try and live up to the standard she'd set of 'doing what was best' for her baby- as if I wasn't giving my son nutrients by going to formula.) I really hope this one has a less sensitive stomach so I can try to enjoy it more. --> Which, yes; I do intend to breastfeed again, but this time I'm not going to beat myself up if I see it's not best for him.
DH and I took the breastfeeding class through our hospital. It was lame and not worth it. Some of the classes are though. I've heard on here that some women have loved their class.
I was fortunate and didn't have any issues at all with breastfeeding. I am looking forward to breastfeeding the LO on the way :-)