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SO dropped a bomb on me last night

PrincessFiona9PrincessFiona9 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

SO is not DD's bio father. We have talked about our future before, and having another baby once I finish school and have a career going. He's planning on looking into getting into a career in law enforcement. Anyway, last night he said he decided he doesn't want to have a baby, he wants to adopt a baby. I am sad because I really want to TTC and be pregnant again one day. We had already agreed on 2 kids for us, but now I'm considering trying to talk him into 3. Maybe we can have a bio child in a couple years and then if finances look good we can start the adoption process. I'm not against adopting at all, and I would like to do that, but I just really want to be pregnant again. I didn't get to enjoy my first pregnancy due to gall bladder issues and the fact that DD's bio father wasn't there. IDK...I'm just confused. I guess there's not a real point to this post, but I'm just bummed.

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Re: SO dropped a bomb on me last night

  • ArnegardArnegard member

    I understand.  I LOVED being pregnant!  Seriously, if my next would come out with all their teeth and STTN, I'd have more!  That usually doesn't happen, so DH got snipped instead.

    I'd just tell SO your thoughts and feelings.  GL!

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  • ABColeslawABColeslaw member
    Its tough.  And adoption is a hard road to go down.  I've been there and I know for us at least, we won't go down the adoption road again.  Emotionally it took a toll and it really took a toll on us as a couple.  Even though he told you thats how he feels right now, it doesn't mean he won't change his mind later.  My husband goes back and forth all the time on having another baby. 
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  • ChelzChelz
    If he's willing to adopt, why isn't he willing to TTC naturally?
    Take a chance. Take a risk. Take the initiative. Make your wishes a reality and make your dreams come true!

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  • rlyttlerlyttle member
    Maybe you can have a "surprise" baby once you're both ready.  Wink Plus things change so much with men. They change their minds a lot. Just give your relationship some time to grow & the time will come.
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  • PrincessFiona9PrincessFiona9 member
    I know it's possible that he may change his mind again in a couple years...I will keep my fingers crossed lol. He was adopted and he feels strongly about being able to provide a home for a child in need. I guess he would rather do that than add another child to the country that already has so many in need.
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  • ToraniTorani member
    Did he say he wanted to adopt a "baby" or a "child?"  If he wants to adopt a child, more power to him for wanting to give a needy child a home.  If he wants to adopt a baby, I would think that was silly, as I hear there is always a long waiting list for a baby, so obviously that would not be a child in need, as they can go to a home where the couple is unable to conceive.  I would feel guilty adopting a baby, because I would feel I was taking away someone else's chance to be a mother, when I am perfectly cabable of conceiving on my own.
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  • numeria11numeria11 member

    imageTorani:
    Did he say he wanted to adopt a "baby" or a "child?"  If he wants to adopt a child, more power to him for wanting to give a needy child a home.  If he wants to adopt a baby, I would think that was silly, as I hear there is always a long waiting list for a baby, so obviously that would not be a child in need, as they can go to a home where the couple is unable to conceive.  I would feel guilty adopting a baby, because I would feel I was taking away someone else's chance to be a mother, when I am perfectly cabable of conceiving on my own.

    I dont think him wanting to adopt a baby or a child is "silly" at all there are children out there who need homes and he's willing and able to do so which is a wonderful thing.  Yeah there are wait lists for newborns or young babies but that is primiarly for white infants, if they are willing to consider a child of a minority group that vastily changes things, many minority kids don't have someone waiting in line to pick them out.  It's just a hard reality of the system and one more reason that more people adopting for the right reasons is a wonderful thing.  Regardless I would never consider me or someone else adopting a child or infant "taking away somone else's chance to be a mother" I look at it as I am giving the child that was meant for me and my family a place in our lives. 

    OP I dont have any advice other than sit down with your SO and be honest about your concerns and about why you wanted to conceive again.  I dont think either of you is wrong in your goal it's just a question of which path is best for both of you. 

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