it's getting intense on 2nd tri

betsy1486 · September 2011

I don't go on the 2nd tri board often bc I started here first and feel comfortable here and don't feel judged. BUT I made the mistake of going there and stumbled across a circumcision debate. I will preface this with I AM NOT trying to drum one up here on this board. NOT AT ALL! I agree with the original poster that it just dawns on you one day that if you do have a boy you are faced with the decision to have the procedure or not have the procedure. I think its unthought of bc as women, we obviously don't think about it. Ppl are going to do or not do it but they have their own reasons for it either way. This thread just gets so intense and I couldn't look away haha. If you have some time and are interested please read. Like I said, its a touchy subject and I'm not looking to start a debate. Just trying to entertain you ladies with how some of the posters start to go for the jugular.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/58379705/ShowThread.aspx

sunnyday016 · September 2011

That topic is always such a drama-starter. I don't know why I bother to read them because no new information ever pops up. It's always "we're doing it because I left it up to my DH" & "I dated an uncirced guy once and OMG GROSS!!" vs. "OMG MUTILATION!!!!" Nothing changes...

I guess I read them because I'm hoping that for once someone will post links to actual, factual information both for and against. (seriously, it never happens!) If this one is a boy we don't know what decision we'll make.

lindslalala · September 2011

...and that is why I prefer THIS board to the crazy tri boards

betsy1486 · September 2011

I agree. Because it is something I have put little to no thought into as of this moment (besides everything you mentioned), its something I can't make an educated decision about right now. I asked my FI and he gave me his vote but agreed that he would feel more comfortable after talking to our OB/GYN and our pediatrician and doing a bit more research. It's a good idea to start thinking about it now though so you have time to make an informed decision that you will be comfortable with. Thats the most important thing, just make an educated decision!

speckledfrog · September 2011

lindslalala:
...and that is why I prefer THIS board to the crazy tri boards

It'll come to this board. The big debates always do.

Alliebooberz · September 2011

wow... I would have had NO idea that would be such a hot button issue!! It occurred to me that it could be a boy and I thought to myself, "well, I don't have a penis... or experience with having a penis... so I think that should be entirely up to my DH." I asked him, he said yeah he'd want it done. Okay, decision made. Easy. I would have never guessed that people would get so bent out of shape about something that is really none of their business (what other parents choose).

kel716 · September 2011

The reality is that it is a decision between you and your dh, and you have to consider your own family values and beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and something that is so personal is going to stir up drama on a message board.

For us, when we had DS I left the decision up to DH. We don't have a guiding force on this one, so he did the research. Years ago, pretty much everyone circed boys at birth in the US. Now, there's a growing faction that doesn't see the point to snip a body part. DH agreed with the latter- there was no reason to perform an unnecessary surgery. Why do something that has no medical purpose other than cosmetic? We consulted with our chosen pedi and my OB to see if there were medical reasons before we chose this route. They didn't have any good reasons. We opted to trust our chosen professionals rather than Dr. Google. We make sure that it is kept clean, and well, we've had no issues at this point.

lindslalala · September 2011

speckledfrog:
lindslalala:
...and that is why I prefer THIS board to the crazy tri boards
It'll come to this board. The big debates always do.

I'm sure you're right, but the people on this board always seem far less judgmental than the ones there. I have no problem with the debate, it just bothers me when people attack other peoples parenting decisions when there's really no need for that. It's not my place to judge what someone else does with their kids penis.

jengelz · September 2011

Like so many of you have already said - everyone is entitled to their own opinions and don't see why/how this can be such a hot button issue! That said, if this is a boy, I'm letting my DH be in charge with the decision and we will be circumcising for religious/cultural beliefs.

Edited to add: Geez, and I thought this board was pretty snarky. WOW!

Fergie+1 · September 2011

kel716:

The reality is that it is a decision between you and your dh, and you have to consider your own family values and beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and something that is so personal is going to stir up drama on a message board.

This. I think the hard part about making an 'educated decision' on the topic of circumcision is that there ARE NO hard facts either way. There are pros and cons to both, and I really don't see why it's such a hot topic... to me, that's just as redundant as arguing for/against breastfeeding or formula-feeding.

betsy1486 · September 2011

I also feel like with this being such a personal decision, I can't persuade someone I don't know and will never meet to agree with me and change their opinion (thats for anything on here--breastfeeding vs bottle, cloth vs disposable). Sometimes with these boards, ppl need to take a step back and remember that none of these woman truly know everything that goes into a decision that is made regarding the care of their LO. Even if you tried to explain what went into your reasoning, there are ppl who will try to discount what you are saying as not good enough to justify your decision. At the end of the day, even if I disagree with what you do, I shouldn't lose sleep over your decision. Its not my place, and I should spend time worrying about myself. Its unhealthy for any of us to get so wrapped up in these debates. Lets try to remember that when things get heated.

Mrs_MBed · September 2011

It started off nice... then that one poster started acting like the OP was planning on feeding crack to her baby...

kiarstin · September 2011

I don't know why its such drama. But its a great question to ask. She probably had no idea it was a huge debate, now she can hear both sides and make her decision. I watch a video on it and read up on it, but I left that up to my husband.

tiffanythompson2407 · September 2011

yeah it is kinda intense over there. I read most of the posts and found myself getting pissed off. I personally dont care what people do. I have 2 nephews, one is and one isnt (same family even) My boys are. Some of my day care kids are and some are not. I dont care. A penis is a penis as long as serves its purpose and will eventully give me grandkids, I dont really care. DH wanted it done, so whatever.

speckledfrog · September 2011

LGLDVM:
Ugh, it's always a heated discussion on the boards. What I find interesting is it's always someone from the 'no circumcision' camp that gets all bent out of shape and starts judging. I personally don't know what we'll do. MH is for it, I'm on the fence. We'll wait until the a/s to see if we need to start researching.

OH and I get completely irritated when people compare male circumcision to female circumcision. They are not even close to the same thing, female circumcision would be more equivalent to cutting off the tip or distal 1/3 of the penis, not the skin surrounding it.

I can see how it gets heated. Everyone want to feel, to their core, that they are making the best decision for their child. When you get people together who have make completely opposite decisions and feel equally right about it and add in the anonymity of the internet and you get a ticking time bomb. Wait until formula vs. breastfeeding and working vs. SAH get thrown into the mix.

LilyPotter218 · September 2011

I couldn't help myself

It is a 100% personal decision. I would never try to sway anyone in the other direction, but that one chick was being a judgmental b!tch and I didn't sleep well. I love March!!

SheenaNash1 · September 2011

I just can't understand why people can't just accepted that others do things differently then they do with their own children. Nobody is going to be swayed by a bunch of internet people telling them what to do.

I never wanted to circumcise our boy if we have one, but I left it to DH because he's the one with the penis who will be answering penis questions in the future. He wants it, so I told him as long as he goes with our baby and is there when it happens so that I don't have to go, then I suppose its fine with me. It's not a fight I feel like picking.

books4brooke · September 2011

I hate that debate too. As others said, I left the decision mostly up to my husband. He chose to get circ'd as a teenager, and there are actually medical drawbacks to making that choice later in life, which is why the "let them make their own decision" argument kind of bothers me because I know that it can have other effects if not made early. But even more, I hate that people think it's mutilation... I feel like that diminishes from the legitimate issues surrounding FGM.

Squishy622 · September 2011

SheenaNash1:
I just can't understand why people can't just accepted that others do things differently then they do with their own children. Nobody is going to be swayed by a bunch of internet people telling them what to do.

Yes. Sheena FTW, as usual. NFT.

sweet_nitenale · September 2011

Alliebooberz:
wow... I would have had NO idea that would be such a hot button issue!! It occurred to me that it could be a boy and I thought to myself, "well, I don't have a penis... or experience with having a penis... so I think that should be entirely up to my DH." I asked him, he said yeah he'd want it done. Okay, decision made. Easy. I would have never guessed that people would get so bent out of shape about something that is really none of their business (what other parents choose).

I'm with you, Allie... I had no clue it could be such a huge issue! To me the decision of "to circumcise or not to curcumcise" is pretty much on the same level of "to breast feed or not to breast feed". Whatever floats your boat. Crazy!

I've never gone to the 2nd tri board and this type of post is why. Seems like a dark and dreary place over there! I even think this board has its snarky moments so I wouldn't wanna go on another where that's happening all the time. I personally think of all the places where the idea of "If you can't say something nice..." is practiced, it should def be that way on a pregnancy board. If you disagree with a poster's topic, exit the damn topic and find a new one! How hard is it, really??

psychgirl33 · September 2011

LGLDVM:
speckledfrog:
LGLDVM:

Ugh, it's always a heated discussion on the boards. What I find interesting is it's always someone from the 'no circumcision' camp that gets all bent out of shape and starts judging. I personally don't know what we'll do. MH is for it, I'm on the fence. We'll wait until the a/s to see if we need to start researching.

OH and I get completely irritated when people compare male circumcision to female circumcision. They are not even close to the same thing, female circumcision would be more equivalent to cutting off the tip or distal 1/3 of the penis, not the skin surrounding it.

I can see how it gets heated. Everyone want to feel, to their core, that they are making the best decision for their child. When you get people together who have make completely opposite decisions and feel equally right about it and add in the anonymity of the internet and you get a ticking time bomb. Wait until formula vs. breastfeeding and working vs. SAH get thrown into the mix.

Trust me, I've been around long enough to hear the FF/sposie/WM vs BF/CD/SAH debates. I guess what I don't understand is why women feel the need to get vicious about this stuff. I have no issue with someone expressing their opinions on things, but no one is telling anyone what they have to do with their own child. Trying to justify your own decisions by making others feel like crap for theirs is assinine. I know it has always been this way and nothing I say will change it, but at the end of the day it's up to each set of parents to decide what is right for their child, no one else's.

All of this! I'm all for hearing about other people's decision making and learning from them, but when it gets judgmental and unkind, I'm out. Calling me a horrible person for wanting to do something a certain way will definitely NOT change my mind about my decision...just about your character!

mommynpink · September 2011

Squishy622:
SheenaNash1:
I just can't understand why people can't just accepted that others do things differently then they do with their own children. Nobody is going to be swayed by a bunch of internet people telling them what to do.
Yes. Sheena FTW, as usual. NFT.

Totally agree!!

Dewey12 · September 2011

Did anyone else watch the video?? My boyfriend refused to watch it with me.

Here's a question. 2nd time parents, did you get to be there for the circumcision? BF is saying that he did not see his son get his.

brianandcandy · September 2011

sweet_nitenale:
Alliebooberz:
wow... I would have had NO idea that would be such a hot button issue!! It occurred to me that it could be a boy and I thought to myself, "well, I don't have a penis... or experience with having a penis... so I think that should be entirely up to my DH." I asked him, he said yeah he'd want it done. Okay, decision made. Easy. I would have never guessed that people would get so bent out of shape about something that is really none of their business (what other parents choose).
I'm with you, Allie... I had no clue it could be such a huge issue! To me the decision of "to circumcise or not to curcumcise" is pretty much on the same level of "to breast feed or not to breast feed". Whatever floats your boat. Crazy!

I've never gone to the 2nd tri board and this type of post is why. Seems like a dark and dreary place over there! I even think this board has its snarky moments so I wouldn't wanna go on another where that's happening all the time. I personally think of all the places where the idea of "If you can't say something nice..." is practiced, it should def be that way on a pregnancy board. If you disagree with a poster's topic, exit the damn topic and find a new one! How hard is it, really??

I really like this. I have experienced a couple times other posters being rude for no reason and it almost turned me off from posting anything at all. We are all adults and most of us learn at a very young age how to be respectful to others. There's some women on this site who never got that lesson. I just wish they saw how stupid and immature they look.

Fergie+1 · September 2011

Dewey12:

Here's a question. 2nd time parents, did you get to be there for the circumcision? BF is saying that he did not see his son get his.

No. They take LO out of the room and the doctor does it with a nurse. I'm sure you could request to watch, but I don't know why you'd want to. Here in GA the OB does it, but in most states the pedi does it. My little guy never even cried; they used a topical numbing cream and it worked really well... he was only gone from our room for maybe 20 minutes.

Texas77again · September 2011

when these types of posts pop up all i think is, "you do what you want with your ute fruit and i'll do what i want with mine."

having said that i'm not sure what we'll do if we have a boy. i'm against it. i have done plenty of research and i have not found any medical reason to do it. the three dr's that i work for all counsel the parents before it's done that it is not medically necessary. i work at a urologist's office where we do newborn thru old age circs. i have seen it done plenty of times in different ways and i've not changed my mind yet. in fact we did two of them just last week. one was a four day old and the other was 12 days.

DH wants to do it, he said his brother had to have it done when he was around 12 yrs old and it was painful. we'll see when the times comes.

amor_eterno · September 2011

I'm not the sensitive type, AT ALL but I saw the video and I cried. The way that baby was crying just hurt me so much, that it pretty much convinced me that I don't want to circ' our LO. I was always on the fence and DH was leaning toward no, I'm agreeing with DH. The video also pissed me off because it seemed like a training video and I feel that a lot of it was dragged out for the purpose of explaining each step. I doubt that an actual circ' is actually that barbaric. That being said, it's still a personal decision that no one but the parents has the right to judge.

HSartteach · September 2011

Dewey12:
Did anyone else watch the video?? My boyfriend refused to watch it with me.
Here's a question. 2nd time parents, did you get to be there for the circumcision? BF is saying that he did not see his son get his.

Our OB cir'd DS in the hospital. They took him while I rested. She said he didn't fuss and was asleep almost the whole time.

betsy1486 · September 2011

LilyPotter218:
I couldn't help myself It is a 100% personal decision. I would never try to sway anyone in the other direction, but that one chick was being a judgmental b!tch and I didn't sleep well. I love March!!

haha I didn't think you handled yourself badly at all considering how aggressive she was being with her opinion. I'm glad this thread is going better. Ppl are expressing (or not expressing) their opinion on circ and no one is flipping sh!t over it. But the one poster on 2nd tri in particular was just very persistant with her opinion, it was really off putting. Its hard to have a debate with someone who doesn't take in what others have to offer.

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