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School with a shy/emotional child

BrewtowngrlBrewtowngrl member
in Pre-School and Daycare

DS has been in DC since 5 months for 2 days a week. He has gone through normal attachment periods.  Our issue is that now summer camp is over with at his DC and he will start his day in the 4 year old room for breakfast.  He is scared in there.  It was an issue before summer too.  He says there are too many kids and the big kids scare him.  Well, he is almost one of the big kids and his regular class isn't much smaller then the two combined in the AM.  His regular teacher is in that room with the 4 year old teacher.  This morning he refused breakfast and he pressed himself against the window bawling as I walked home.  Broke my heart. 

At 3.5 do I just drop him off and walk away with him crying?  I did it with DS2 this summer, but it is a lot harder with one that can talk.  I also don't want to start his day off bad because he tends to carry his emotions through out the day.  I also don't have time to sit there for 20 min for him to relax since I have to get to work.  We try and talk about it, but I am not sure what to tell to him to ease his mind. 

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Re: School with a shy/emotional child

  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member

    what does the teacher say happens after you leave?

    I'd probably do a quick drop off and just leave.  Can you give him something special of yours to watch/take care of during the day?

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  • BrewtowngrlBrewtowngrl member
    It is hit or miss.  Sometimes it is just a show and he is fine the rest of the day, but more often he is emotional the rest of the day and will cry over the smallest things instead of using his words and telling his teacher something is bothering him.  An example is he will cry because he wants water instead of milk at lunch and if it was a hard drop off he will get upset instead of telling his teacher.  If he is fine for drop off he usually has a good day all around.  Good idea to give him something of mine. 
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  • julygaljulygal

    My DD gets overwhelmed by a lot of kids.  Her school day starts at 9.  If we get there right around 9 she has a rough drop off as the room is already fairly full with a lot of other drop offs happening at the same time. If we get there at 8:45 (the earliest we can drop off) she has a much easier time as there are fewer people and less going on.

    I tend to stick to quick drop offs.  She gets more emotional the longer I stick around.  The teacher says she does fine once I leave, she always has a smile on her face when I pick up, and she chats about her day happily.  

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  • kmhunt11kmhunt11 member
    Most teachers have a way they want to handle this.  Does his teacher have advice?  When DD says she doesn't want to go to school, I ignore her negative comments and talk about the things she likes doing there.  "What do you think you'll play with at recess today?  Do you think Mr Clark will read to you during circle time today?  You really enjoyed the horse puzzle yesterday.  How about trying the frog one today?"  I'm sure you've tried everything, but have you approached reasoning with him from the point of "Don't you have a much better day when you don't cry at the beginning?" or "Why don't you try to see how long you can go with a big, huge, silly smile on your face today!"
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  • AgrippaRidesAgainAgrippaRidesAgain member

    My Conrad sounds similar to your Konrad.  He's a brooder.  One thing that has really helped him is making him a special sticker.  I draw a heart on a piece of masking tape and put it on his shirt each day.  He can touch it any time he's missing me to remember that I love him and will always come to get him when school is over.  It seems to give him the courage to deal with the other things that bother him b/c he doesn't have to worry about me being gone as much. 

    He doesn't deal with other kids well at all.  He has huge personal space issues and doesn't use words to express things that he doesn't like that kids around him are doing.  It's something that we're working on.  We do lots of role playing at home to help out with it.

    ETA:  Quick drop offs are way better for him.  Less time to work himself up about the departure.

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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member
    imageAgrippaRidesAgain:

    One thing that has really helped him is making him a special sticker.  I draw a heart on a piece of masking tape and put it on his shirt each day.  He can touch it any time he's missing me to remember that I love him and will always come to get him when school is over.  It seems to give him the courage to deal with the other things that bother him b/c he doesn't have to worry about me being gone as much. 

    good idea Mommy - that made me a little teary - how sweet!

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  • BrewtowngrlBrewtowngrl member
    agrippa, That is a great idea.  Thanks!
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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    Are the teachers helping you?  On the mornings that my kids have hard drop offs, the teachers are always great (at both my kids schools).  We have a spot at both schools where they can wave to me as I drive by and this always helps.  My little one is also (has always been) very attached to one of the Assistant Directors at the center so on really hard mornings, she is able to go see her or is told that if she waves bye-bye to me without crying that they will take her down to see the Asst Dir.  I would work with the teachers on coming up with a drop off plan.  You might need to leave him crying but I can bet that he is fine within mins of you leaving - and if not, he will adjust if you stick to a routine for drop off.  I personally think that the longer that you stay, the harder it is on your child.  I know some parents have certain things that they say to their kids every single day at drop off.  My younger DD also leaves her lovie (a small blankie) in her backpack all day.  She never touches the thing but just knowing it is there helps her a ton.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • BrewtowngrlBrewtowngrl member
    Darn, today went worse.  I did the sticker and left right away.  He could hear him hysterical all the way in the parking lot.  He loves his teacher and she will snuggle and console as much as he needs.  Hope the next ones get easier.  So frustrating since he is perfectly fine getting dropped in his regular classroom.  We even talk about this classroom at home and he gets worked up then. 
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  • julessixerjulessixer

    my son  (3.5)has had the same difficult adjustment.  He is a tricky combo of very shy, slow to warm up and extremely strong willed.  makes situations like starting preschool a lot of fun!  Anyway, he has "light up shoes" and I told him any time he feels sad or lonely, he should kick he feet and  the lights will be a reminder that mommy loves him and is thinking about him.  Also, there is a AWESOME children's book called "Llama Llama Misses Mama" A good friend gave it to me, and it could have been written by my son.  Perfect for kids who are shy and have a tough time adjusting. GL to you both!

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