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Hawaii Babies
MrsNJSwimmer
member
how to tell sitter not to come back?
MrsNJSwimmer
member
We have had this sitter for a month or so - working a couple afternoons/week. We cut it down to one afternoon due to a schedule change, but it turns out that she really can't calm LO down or stop him from crying when we leave/go out of his sight. She's in her early college years, but we do like her, it's just not worth it to me to pay her when we have to be there anyway. Suggestions?
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Re: how to tell sitter not to come back?
That is a tough one - Is she not comfortable with trying to calm him down? What has happened when you do leave?
Since you say you like her (and obviously trust her since you hired her in the first place) I would probably give it longer than a month to see if it can work out because you will have to leave him at some point...
Sorry If I'm way off base. If the decision is totally made up already I would just tell her it's not working out (she must have an idea about that already) but that you like her and would like to keep her number and try it again (or an evening here and there) when LO is more comfortable being left/gets out of this "stage"/etc. And remind her that you would be more than happy to be used as a reference (if you would be...). When I was a nanny this never happened but I think I would be happy to know the status of my job as soon as possible and be told if I could use the family as a reference (super important for nanny jobs).
Sometimes MH is just trying to get stuff done on his schoolwork or shower or something, but when he goes out of sight of LO, LO melts down. She tries to distract him with toys or a show on tv (all things we also do), but sometimes she just gives up and he will stand at the gate and wail (sp?) until MH comes back down - at which point he's hyperventilating and has snot all over his face.
It's really frustrating for us too, b/c you have to be in the same room with him right now... only lets you out of sight for a minute or so - if I'm doing dishes, he will come back to me every 2 minutes or so. I resorted to setting a timer and told him when the timer goes off, I will come in the other room.
That's a good idea about the reference and about this stage he's going through.
Maybe you and DH could brainstorm ideas for helping her distract and entertain LO while you are busy. I think it's understandable at his age that he prefers you and DH, but it could still work if she's able to develop a plan -- like taking him for a walk immediately when she arrives (gets him out of the house, distracted from you and interested in other things) and then engage him in "fun" activities when they return (preferably with you guys still out of sight and occupied). You could have materials set up for some of his favorite activities or things that are messier and you don't love doing, but that he does -- water play, finger painting, a simple arts and crafts project, or more outdoor stuff. Then hopefully once he develops a better relationship with her, you'll be able to carry on with normal activities and still have him enjoy his time with his sitter.
Since she's young, she probably needs a little extra guidance, but if you like her, I think it might be worth the time.
Ditto. He is just not used to her. It's going to take a while. What happens when you go out when it's just her and him?
+1...especially the last bit. What does she report about his behavior when you aren't there? I'm wondering because my guys are TOTALLY different with sitters when I'm there vs when I'm not. When I'm present, they want me, even if the other person is someone they know quite well. When I'm not there, they fuss a bit initially, but then always settle down and have a good time.
thanks for all the comments. part of the problem is that the one day /week that she's coming, it's while DH is there, but he's trying to get school work done and then I come home and he has to be ready to leave, so on that day, she's not alone with him in the house - we never leave. So maybe that situation isn't working but we could use her if we go out to dinner or something.
She does say that when he's left on other days, LO usually calms down in a few minutes and does fine.
so what about this: for a couple of weeks your DH could be ready to leave when she gets there and he can go do his homework someplace nearby (got a local starbucks or something?). Have him check in with her by phone in 15 and 30 mins. See if she is able to get him calmed down. If you can get this type of arrangement settled it will be that much easier to add another day or date night out. Then he come either come back home right before you get home or just head straight to class.
And I really liked the idea of having her take him out for a walk and have other activities set up.
I think this is a great idea. there has to be a coffee shop nearby....or if he needs quiet he could go to the library. that way B isn't so upset w/separation anxiety b/c "out of sight, out of mind"
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I love the idea, but unfortunately it won't work in our situation. I wish he could do this, but he has a non-laptop MAC with a 24 inch screen that we had to buy him for his graphic design stuff - that sucker isn't going anywhere. Everything he has to do is on the computer.
I like this for the future date night though - maybe we could just go somewhere quick - like a fast food restaurant and eat there, where we could get up and come home quickly if we needed to, but we'll check in with her periodically.