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C-sections
I want to be over this, but I'm not.
It has been over 5 months and I am still very upset about my c-section.
It was unplanned and I still feel it was somewhat unnecessary. After 24 hours of ruptured membranes, I was told I had no choice but to have a c-section as I was progressing to slowly. I am fine with that and have dealt with that fine. What I am so upset and still cry about is that from the moment that DH left the OR with DS until I "woke up" I remember nothing because I was given Versed. I have no memories of the first time I held my child, or tried to nurse him because Versed allows you to be awake and coherent but have no memory and It had not wore off by the time they got me back to my room and brought in DS and no one knew.
My first memory with my child is the nurse coming in to yell at me because I had disconnected the blood pressure cuff because it was interfering with my trying to nurse DS, and all memories after that for a few hours are very disjointed and spotty.
When I tell anyone how upset I was and a still am, all I hear is that I should be grateful for my healthy child. Last time I checked I can be grateful for my healthy child and still upset about the experience.
Has anyone else had a similar experience and how were you able to move past the upset?
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Re: I want to be over this, but I'm not.
Your feelings are normal. I still feel really upset about my c-section and it was 8 months ago. Have you heard of ICAN? Its a support group for people who have had c-sections. You should check if there is a chapter in your area (google it).
And of course you are happy about your baby, but that doesn't erase the sadness of the surgery and everything that happened afterwards. I like to think of it as having 2 glass (glass half full/half empty analogy) The first glass is your baby, that glass, i assume is overfilling with happiness, love and joy. The 2nd glass is the birth/csection and well, its not as full. And the 2 glasses have no impact on each other. They just are.
Its OK to be upset about your child's birth. If it interferes with how you raise him/her, then it may be a good idea to get professional help (I'm not ashamed to say I see a therapist)
~~ married 8.11.07
~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
~~ BFP4 10.27.16 MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
I completely understand. My first birth went from a free standing birth center to a hospital c/s in about 5 hours. While I do believe my c/s was necessary, it was still hard for me to deal with not holding my baby or being fully present for the birth (I had adverse reactions to the medications they gave me). He was three hours old before I got to hold him and nurse him. It just wasn't at all what I pictured. Of course I was over the moon that he was healthy and he was a great breast feeder, but it was hard to miss those first few hours of his life.
That said, talking about it with other like-minded people really helped. And the people who listened and accepted my feelings as real (not the "at least you have a healthy baby" people). I went on to VBAC my second child. Now my children each have their own unique birth story to share (DS was a wild ride of emergency and drama while DD came into the world in a darkened quiet room with DH, my midwife, and I). And what is funny is their personalities are the opposite of their births:-)
But give youself time. 5 months is still fresh. And I agree that professionals are there to help if you need them.
I am still not over missing the first three hours of my daughter's life. It is really unfortunate that people tell you to just be happy that you have a healthy baby. FFS, I am thrilled that I have a healthy baby, but so many things should have been handled differently and it hurts that it happened and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.
I am still not over it. The only advice I have is to allow yourself to grieve for that time. It's a very normal thing to feel. You are also not alone. {hugs}
I'm sorry. Of course you can be upset about how the birth went and still be grateful for your healthy child. Feeling sad, angry, guilty, etc. over a c/s is common and you are not alone nor wrong in these feelings.
It took me a long time to feel mostly at peace with my c/s and how it was handled. Time and distance helped me move on. It does get better, I promise.
I totally understand how you feel. My c/s was also a surprise and I feel like I should have advocated more for myself. I was induced and I was all for it at the time because I was so uncomfortable. Now I totally know better and I know that if I would have just let my body do what it is meant to do that I would have been fine. I barely remember anything from my daughter's first day of her life and when they first brought her to see me, I was in so much pain that they couldn't even lay her on my chest, they put her next to me and I wrapped my arm around her. I couldn't even see her face. I hate that.
I just keep telling myself that next time will be better. Next time I want to go into birth with no plans, just let my body go into labor and see what happens. If it doesn't work out to VBAC, I'll have a c-section and know what to expect. Some days are easier than others. Sometimes I feel fine with everything and sometimes I don't. Hugs to you.
It took me a long time, like a year and a half, to come to terms with ds's birth. At this point, I'm still not happy about it, but I've made peace with it. 32 hours labor, didn't even dilate to a 3, water broke on it's own but my body wasn't ready to actually go into labor. I lost a lot of blood on the operating table, was in and out of consciousness, and don't remember much. I was on the table almost 2 hours, and didn't get to actually hold ds until he was about 3 hours old. I pretty much feel like my body failed me. I could go on, but it's not a contest and I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in these feelings.
Acceptance of it will eventually come, you just have to work through these feelings first and everyone does that in a different amount of time. I'm really sorry you went through a bad experience as well, but don't get down on yourself for the feelings that are coming to you.
:hugs:
It's completely normal to deal with these feelings, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You're sad about it because it's a sad thing to miss out on those memories. Are there worse things in the world? Absolutely, but that doesn't make your pain any less real.
I feel like my csection was 100% necessary, but it certainly wasn't what I expected or hoped for (planned a homebirth). I was told that my baby would be brought to me in recovery, but some nurse in the nursery was on a complete power trip and wouldn't release him (even though he was perfectly healthy). I was crying and crying for him in recovery. It was awful. It was about three hours before I got to hold him. There are a couple pictures my husband took of him in the nursery before I got to meet him, and I hate those pictures so much.
I'm pretty much over it, but I still think about it sometimes. My guess is that I'll think about it less and less as the years go by, but whenever I do happen to think about it, I'm sure I'll always still be a little sad. The fact that a sad thing happened doesn't change just because time passed.
I think your feelings are perfectly normal.
My C-section was 10 weeks ago and I do feel a C-Section was necessary but I have not gotten over the whole birth experience. My DD was sent to the NICU and right before my 12 hours of bed rest was up my dr made the decision to put me on a 24 hour dose of mag sulfate. I completely understand that the mag sulfate was necessary buy I'm not sure if I will ever truely get over not seeing my DD for 36 hours. The hardest part was my DH and both sets of our parents were able to see her before me.
I've had two emergency c-sections (as I was trying for a VBAC with my second). Both of my sections were necessary I don't second guess that part. What gets me sad and down is that for my first I needed general anesthesia and didn't see my DD for the first few hours of her life while a lot of my extended family came to see her in the hospital nursery.....before I was even awake from surgery. My DH was also left in the hallway during my surgery. We were also team green so it stinks to think others knew I had had a daughter before I did. Thankfully my mother was very adamant about nobody else holding her aside from my DH. For my second delivery I agreed to the c-section when my son's heart rate started dropping, there was meconium in the fluid and he was still high and not ready for me to start pushing even though I was 10cm.
I thought I was over the negatives of my birth experiences until a family member recently had her first via vaginal delivery and all of sudden I felt so sad when DH called to tell me. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I tend to compare myself a lot to others and I keep thinking about how she got the labor I wanted and I end up feeling like less of a mom/woman because I didn't push my babies out. I've often heard that c-sections are easy and it infuriates me.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Mom to Carter (6), and Calianne (1).
Proud VBAC, natural birth, breastfeeding, cloth diapering momma!
Nothing about the birth of my child went as I wanted it to, but I assure you I was proactive and actively participating int he decision making from before and during and after the birth. Because I knew I did everything I could and even felt I got to "decide" to get my c/s (even though there was no other option) I had nothing to resent or hang onto afterwards. i truly was just happy to have a healthy baby. You can get to that place, too - you just need to resolve for yourself what it is that's actually bothering you. B/c sh*t happens. It's how you deal or others deal with it that has you be upset.
I completely agree.
Three years later, I am still a little upset over my birth experience. I think my hestitation to TTC #2 was due to not wanting a rcs. My c/s was unplanned and on the emergency side due to some cord complications and fetal distress. I was almost angry with myself for being upset over having a c/s because my son was healthy and alive and he probably would not have been if I didn't have the c/s.
It definitely gets easier over time.
*BFP 10/15/11*CP 10/18/11*
*BFP 2/1/12*EDD 10/14/12*natural M/C 2/24/12 7w*
*BFP 5/2/12*E born 01/03/13 (her due date)
I can really relate. For nearly four years, I've been upset that I don't remember holding or nursing my daughter for the first time. Your message above is the first time I have heard about that medication. I wonder if that was why I can't remember! It's interesting though--I can remember the actual delivery and being in the recovery room but I don't remember being wheeled to my own room or seeing my DD. Now I'm scheduled for a repeat c/s this Friday for twins. I am going to make sure to talk to my OB, the nurse and the anesthesiologist about this beforehand. My husband already knows that I want him to videotape AND photograph the "firsts" in case this happens again. Also, we've told both sets of grandparents that we will call them when we are ready for them to come to the hospital. I want to make sure I'm recovered and have had some bonding time that I'll remember before everyone else comes in and wants to hold them. Thank you for posting this and helping me feel like I'm not alone in my anxiety about it happening again.