XP: Is this appropriate? (Child/school related)
MammaBear81
member
A little background: DS1 had speech therapy through EI and CPSE when
he was 2-4 years old. He attended a Montessori School for 2 years 3
mornings per week, and attended public 1/2 day Kindergarten last year.
No problems other than that he wasn't challenged much in Kindergarten (a
little bored at times), which I spoke with the teachers about. They
made an effort to give him work on his level, which kept him somewhat
occupied.
He started full day public 1st grade on the 6th, I thought all was going well until DH received a call home that Friday to set up a conference call for Monday, there were several "serious issues" that needed to be discussed, and the teacher would not give DH any clue as to what they were. He set up a call for after school on Monday (which was the earliest they could do) and we were left all weekend to wonder what could have gone so wrong in 4 days that we had to have a conference call.
On the conference call (to make a long convo short). They basically said that he wouldn't do his work, and he is a defiant child. They got him a new desk (apparently he fidgets when he is sitting) and started a "behavioral modification plan" in which he gets a sticker for doing something when the teacher asks the first time, and if he gets 5 stickers he gets a reward. They would be starting a communication log that went back and forth to track his progress. They also want to get him evaluated for speech, OT and PT. OK, you've known my kid for 4 days, made a whole bunch of judgements and changes with out consulting me and my husband, WTF?
Fast forward to "back to
school night"- we saw that in his communication journal that he earned
his reward, so trying to be positive, I went up to the teacher and said
"so today was a good day!" Her response "not really" .... not really?!
then why did he get his reward? She didn't have one nice thing to say
about him, she just informed us that the meeting to get the testing
scheduled was for next week. I had asked the day before (in his
communication log) if I could make an appointment to observe Dylan in
school (since the way he is acting is completely uncharacteristic of
him), and she completely ignored that I said it. I brought it up to her
again in person and she said NO, there is a parents day in November, you
can come see him then. Are you serious?! Then she said "we tried your
suggestion about taking away privileges if he does not follow
directions and he had a meltdown" Really, when, because that was NEVER
mention in the communication log, and I'd think that would be something
worth mentioning.
Re: XP: Is this appropriate? (Child/school related)
That would not sit right with me at.all! My DC does have issues that affect his classroom behavior and it's never been presented this way to me. Wow, I'm sure that must have been a huge shock and I would be so upset by it too.
I do think you should talk to the principal if you get no where with the teacher. Does your DS have trouble articulating what is going on in the class b/c of his speech delay? Has he said anything about what's going on in the classroom? Thankfully it's still early enough in the year that this could be corrected without affecting him much.
One thing that was really helpful with us was to have a social worker observe DS and give the teacher some feedback. She also went to a group of teachers to discuss DS's "case" a couple times and they gave her feedback on how to manage him in the classroom. She was a great teacher and she really cared for DS, but needed a little help seeing eye to eye with him. They didn't diagnose DS with anything, just helped them get on the same page.
It's not to say that you may not eventually need an evaluation, but I find it odd that this never came up in KG. And, I think her approach is awful.
I'll be honest in that I think it is totally early for 99% of this.
However, I know as a teacher one of the FIRST things I look at when a new year starts is my student's records to see what info is in there. If records of his previous speech therapy is in there, is it such a stretch that the teacher noticed it? Or is it bothering you that she mentioned an eval right off the bat? I'm not sure where the OT/PT thing came from though.
If I'm being totally honest, there are kids that are "keep an eye on" kids..even with only being in school for 4 days. Does that warrant the phone calls and conversations you've had? Probably not, but I'd also look at in the way that this teacher may also trying to be proactive (in some ways, but not going about it the best way).
Truthfully, I'd ask for a face-to-face meeting with the teacher. And see if you can problem solve together. A behavior plan on day 4? Extreme. Is his class size much bigger? Perhaps he is adjusting to full day school and going 5 days week?
I just want to say "what the heck is it with the first grade teachers this year!??!?"... We got a call the 2nd day of first grade to come pick DD up because she had a meltdown or some issue with the teacher (that was the 7th and we STILL cannot get the teacher to tell us WTF actually HAPPENED!), the school led us to believe it was so horrible a thing that I had to drop everything and pick her up that second, then got pissed at me because I was the PO'd parent to my kid who started to cry the second she saw she was in trouble (apparently next time the school believes I'm suppose to take her out for ice cream to talk about it instead of holding her accountable in a way that works for DD).. They also want to go into the whole evaluation BS and such with her, but the thing is, here we sit as parents, wondering what our kid did that was so horrible as to warrent all this stuff in the first place!
It's not that we think our little dearie is a perfect angel - we'd be kidding ourselves if we thought that for even a second, OTOH, we've also been around enough 6yo's (DD has 5 older cousins that we spend a lot of time with) to know some behaviors that are less than desirable happen from time to time, doesn't matter the child or how well tempered they normally are. Granted, we know that all DD needs really is just a simple feedback from school to home about how her day went and 99% of all problems are solved with a post-it note that says "good day" or "need to work on having instructions repeated" KWIM...
It's easier said than done, but you definitely need to figure out some strategy for communication or get your kiddo into a different class.. Sometimes kids just aren't the perfect fit for a particular teacher. It happens!!! Also, there are tons of resources out there for kids who are falling behind but very little for kids who are ahead but not so far ahead that they can skip a grade...
I think to avoid being "that mom" you need to acknowledge that there's some sort of problem here, even if it's merely a matter of your son adjusting to first grade. I don't know the age cutoff for your school, but in my state, your son would be among the youngest kids in first grade.
I do think it's early for the teacher to be recommending evaluation, but she might be seeing something even in these first few days that, to her, indicates in a crystal clear way that your son is going to struggle. She's having discipline issues with your son, but she may have also seen things in his speech, his actions in class, and his handwriting that aren't influenced by the behavior issue.
Here are some things you might try:
--back up, restart the conversation with her, and let her know that you are willing to acknowledge that there might be legitimate issues. Let her know you want to be a partner with her. Right now you're probably both on the defensive. Try for a fresh start.
--ask that his K teacher be consulted. Maybe she can observe him in class and weigh in on whether his behavior has changed from last year. If not, maybe a reading specialist, guidance counselor, or the principal can come in and observe, so that you're not stuck in a "you vs. teacher" scenario.
--if the teacher asks for parent volunteers, and you can swing it, even temporarily, volunteer. Then you get to observe your kid in school.
--get the speech and OT consults scheduled. Either it will rule these things out as issues, or it will give your son a head start on solving these problems. It will also show your sincere willingness not to be "that mom."
--talk to your son very casually about school. Don't ask direct questions like, "did you get in trouble in school today?" Ask him to tell you one thing about his day. Ask him to tell you about the kids in his class and what they're like.
--talk to other parents in the school community to get an idea of how this teacher is regarded. Is she known as a strict, no-nonsense teacher? Is she relatively new? Is she a well-respected veteran at the school? But keep in mind that for every parent out there who thinks "Ms. X" is a fantastic teacher, there's another one who thinks she's the teacher from hell who ruined her kid's childhood! So don't take any one parent's words too seriously, but see if you can get a general sense of things.
HTH!
Neverblushed makes some great points. I agree with most of what she said.
It is very hard as a parent to be objective when your child is being 'judged'. But judging/evaluating is what teachers do. 4 days may not seem like a long time, but it may well be enough for a trained professional.
You cannot underestimate how big a transition to an all day every day scenario is for a 6 year old. I am sure it is a big adjustment. It is not a stretch that he might be acting in a very uncharacteristic way in this new setting. Everything would be unfamiliar, right?
If your child is having difficulty assimilating with the routine and rules of the classroom, then your job will be to help both the teachers and your son to find tools to make that transition from disruptive student to content student happen. Going off on the teacher because you don't like the message or the way it was delivered will be non-productive at best, and at worst: counter productive.
Work towards and look for solutions, not assigning blame. Don't be part of the problem.
I honestly have no problem with the evals, I OKed them right off the bat (in our first conference call) and sent in all of his old testing results(I kept copies) because she didn't have anything on him, nor did she know that he had speech when he was younger. My issues are really with the behavior Mod and new desk 4 days in without consulting me first (sorry if that came out wrong). I know not to fight evals, when he was 2 I was the one to suggest EI. If he needs help, he needs it, and if he comes back normal, then the teachers have to leave it be.
The classroom is a collaborative classroom with two teachers and an aide for 22 kids. He is on the younger side of a first grader but last year he was reading/comprehending and doing math on a first grade level last year so we decided that Kindergarten was the right choice for him. He was bored last year, but he completed his work. When he finished he would start talking to other kids (which I think any 5 year old would do, maybe I'm wrong) and that ?disrupted the classroom? so our solution was to give him "busy" work so he would be occupied longer (I asked for harder work that would take him longer, or if I could send in a book for him to read when he was done, but they didn't do that). This year his teacher is saying he is a defiant child and can?t/won?t complete almost all of his work.
I know teachers are supposed to judge our kids, and help them if that is what is needed. I guess I would have just preferred a call on day 1 or 2 instead of an emergency call on day 4 and modifications being made without having time to run them by me first. She has been teaching at this school for 14 years, all first grade, so it?s not something new to her.
In our conference call last night she started to backtrack on what she has done already when I started to point out my concerns. I know my son isn?t perfect, but he isn?t ?a defiant child? by any means. I am sure he is adjusting to a full day at school, but why does that require a behavior modification plan? Has he melted down before? Rarely, but yes, we don?t respond to it and he pulls himself together and we move forward with our day.
DS?s birthday was yesterday so DH went in with munchkins at snack time and on our conference call last night she had the nerve to say ?see, you got your little observation in? um 10 minutes at SNACK TIME is not an observation of instructional time. DH said he can tell that DS totally hates being there, I feel so sad for him.
I?ve given her suggestions as to what we do at home; she has only tried one of them (taking away privileges) once, and half-heartedly because he had a meltdown and she couldn?t deal with it.
They are having a brainstorming meeting next week to come up with more ideas about how to help him, I just hope the other teachers in the meeting are more open minded and better with behavior plans than she is. I think DS might have a shot if the co- teacher is able to speak up (she seems so much nicer and understanding) she was the only one to point out something positive about DS (his neat handwriting).