Name woes with DH

krista78 · September 2011

DH and I have been tossing around name ideas, but we're waiting until our ultrasound next week (hoping to find out sex of baby) before really getting down to it. Regardless, if it's a boy DH wants to the name our son after him. It's a family name, passed down from his father and his grand-father, and so on. The thing is, I don't like it enough to name our son. He's insistent, saying that he told me this was his wish a long time ago. Of course at the time we weren't even engaged, let alone married with a baby on the way. I think naming the child should be a decision made together and the name itself should be something the parents both agree on. Am I being unreasonable?

lvisser · September 2011

whats the name?

beachbunni307 · September 2011

I don't think it's unreasonable, it does belong to both of you and you should name it together. I told my Husband from day one that I didn't want a Jr. Of course, he didn't want one either...so we agreed on that. His one request is that our son have part of his name (first or middle) as his middle name....or if we have a girl, she gets my first or middle name as her middle name. I don't care either way, but i'm fine with that if it's what he wants. Maybe suggest using his name as the middle name instead...that way he still gets to pass down part of his name.

JhawkCE · September 2011

No, both parents must agree on the name. The kid is already getting his last name, why should he get both?

namara5532 · September 2011

It depends on what the name is. If it's old fashioned, I would tend to agree with you. My father had the unfortunate family middle name of Erskin, so when he and my mom had my brother they chose to end that tradition. A compromise could be using a family middle name if it's reasonable. It's what we're doing for our LO because DH wanted a name from his grandfather but I didn't like Edwin Perry.

Or you can just hope for a girl! Then it's a nonissue. :P

frf1537 · September 2011

My husband is a Jr. and wanted to name our son after him. The problem is his name is Donald Lee and his dad goes by Don, his step dad is Lee and his stepdad's dad is Lee too. And my daughter's second middle name is Lee. I was just not ok with Donny or Don (my name is Fawn) it was too much. Originally we discussed alternatives like Donovan or Donnelly etc, before diving into to baby name books, where he actually fell in love with Liam. Just like you should never discount his opinion he shouldn't force a name on you that you don't like or feel is out dated, my husband doesn't even use Donald, he goes by JR.

RaeJ004 · September 2011

JhawkCE:
No, both parents must agree on the name. The kid is already getting his last name, why should he get both?

This this this this!

mhollidayesq · September 2011

For me it would depend on the name. My DH is a 2nd and if we have a son he wants it to be a 3rd. Initially, I was for the idea but recently decided it against it. Not because I dislike his name but because my husband is soooo obsessed with that dagon 2nd being on everything (to the point that if I forget to add it he says "oh so you are married to my dad now"). Uggghhh. So I decided I refused to deal with another male walking around my house obsessed with some roman numeral! My DH didnt like the fact that I changed my mind, but he got over it...because well he knows my personality and knows that in the end if I'm not happy he is going to have a long road to travel. So while I do ask him what he thinks about a name, he gives me final say-so. He also beleives naming children should be a right given to the mother first and to the father only if the mother agrees.

l_elizabeth · September 2011

My husband is a Jr. and tried this with our first son. I said no way. I don't love the name (Bart), nor do I want two of them in my house. I told him what pp said-- he gets your last name for the rest of his life, I'd like to participate in giving his first name. Ultimately he was fine with it-- and it helped that my MIL told him how hard it was when he was little!

Ivana_Stolichnaya · September 2011

Ummmm...this isn't just his baby. Both of you need to agree on the name. If you don't like that name for your child then he's going to have to suck it up and kick the idea of a Jr. to the curb. Just because it's been carried down the lines of HIS family doesn't mean it's automatically set to be apart of yours.

Maybe you can compromise and use the name for a middle name? Also depends on the name of course.

sapphirebride06 · September 2011

H is a jr and hated it - he has had issues with his dad's info. being on his driving record, tax issues, etc. - it's been a PITA. H goes by his MN and DS has his FN as his MN (confused lol) so luckily we never had an "I want a 3rd" situation but H's sister was pissed we didn't name DS 3rd.

When I told her we didn't want to do that she said we should honor her mom's tradition (their parents are divorced, we aren't close to his mom and she HATES H's dad so not sure how in the helll it's honoring her but they are nuts) and because H's dad goes by their FN and H goes by their MN, technically there is no name left for a FN for DS that isn't being used. She said we should name him 3rd and call him Trey.

H hates that he goes by his MN because his legal name is of course the FN and it's been a pain for him so he has said from day one whatever we plan to call the kid is what his/her name will be. So he told his sister she could have a Trey if she wants but that's not his style lol. Well here we go again, and thinking this baby is a boy - she's started in on the Trey thing again! Ugh - she's named all of her kids without our input - why can't we do the same? GAH! Had to vent lol, sorry.

lawright · September 2011

I don't even necessarily think that both parents have to agree. I think that if the parents can't agree, then naming rights goes to the person who squeezes the human being out of her body.

(DH and I have literally been trying to think of baby names for four or five years now - for years before we were even TTC, and we still haven't come up with a single name that we both really like. I'm thinking about agreeing to compromise on letting him choose the girl name if I can choose the boy name, but only because I have a very, very strong innate sense that it's going to be a boy, and I'm really not too terribly unhappy with his desperately wanted girl name.)

princessniclyn · September 2011

RaeJ004:

JhawkCE:
No, both parents must agree on the name. The kid is already getting his last name, why should he get both?

This this this this!

I second (third?) this!

megan8127 · September 2011

Passing down a name can be confusing also. I hate when you have to clarify by saying things like "big", "little" or "baby". Also, the credit bureau constantly gets my dad and my brother confused and it has messed with their credit (ultimately it gets fixed but it's a pain and a waste of time).

If you really don't mind passing down the tradition but don't want to pass down the name, you could consider a nn. For example, if the child is the fifth, you could call him Quinn.

jgal84 · September 2011

I was raised by my dad, and my stepmom and I have the same name (haha, guess he really loves my name!). It has been the biggest PITA!!! Our credit bureaus have been mixed up so bad, that I dont' think they will ever be right. At it's worst, I counted 38 errors on mine! And, my report isn't that long! Not to mention our mail getting mixed up, phone calls, etc. The only "bonus" was that I got to use her credit card and it was never questioned Wink Don't worry, it was with her permission!

So, in saying all of that, I am completely against giving your children the same name as one of the parents. We gave DD my middle name (my first name didn't sound good with hers). If we have a son, DH's first name will be DS's middle name. I like that tradition. You are still passing down your name, but you can still pick the first name and avoid any sort of confusion.

peke1101 · September 2011

:lurking:

My husband is a third and what makes our situation worse is that DH's twin sister's name, their mom, and my name are all the same--so that makes 3 Benjamin B's, grandpa, dad, and husband and 3 Angelica B's, husband's twin sister, husband's mom, and me .......it's a nightmare...

fool4babe · September 2011

I personally would NEVER name my son after my DH regardless of the name. I just believe every child is entitled to their own original name and identity within the family. I understand it's important to your DH, but it's your sons name and is important to you as well. Would he be ok if your next were a girl named after you? So you could have two names and four members of the family?

LittleMonkeys3 · September 2011

I think you should try to come to a compromise as long as the name isn't too bad. In my H's family my MIL didn't like FIL's first name and he was a JR. So she came up with the idea to give DH FIL's first initial and the same middle name. That way their initials remained the same but there was no jr or third or anything. So DS has the same first initial and middle name as FIL and DH. Which is fine by me because then I got a say in DS's name but DH felt like he was passing on the tradition. I'm so glad they came up with that idea because my dad and brother are jr/sr and there was always so much confusion. I definitely did NOT want that!

greengirl0909 · September 2011

Apparently I'm in the minority...if it was family tradition I'd have a hard time arguing against that. Perhaps I have connections to the mob? You don't go against the family!

dancingmatilda · September 2011

I like the idea of trying to incorporate his name into the middle name. I understand that you don't want a Jr/III & agree that your husband should understand if you're really against a name... but if he's that adamant about it then it's something he's probably dreamed about his whole life. I wouldn't want there to be any resentment felt by either your husband or you because of the name though, so try to find a compromise. Maybe the baby is a girl and you won't have to worry about it (for now). Good luck!

harmonicbabe26 · September 2011

lawright:

I don't even necessarily think that both parents have to agree. I think that if the parents can't agree, then naming rights goes to the person who squeezes the human being out of her body.

Oh gosh this made me laugh out loud! Love it! And I will use this argument with my hubby.

We have agreed on a Girl name, but can't quite agree on a Boy. I am completely opposed to having Jr and 3rd (or 4th)... I mean there are so many names out there... and PLEASE PLEASE let the kid be One Of A Kind, not a 2nd, 3rd or 4th of something...

My hubby loves 2 names, Robert, which was his Grandfather and is his older Cousin. (He did not get it bc it was already taken by his cousin Rob, but he would potentially like to continue the tradition if we have a son). I am kind of ok with it (as long as it does not turn into Bob or Bobby - yuck!) but it is not my favorite. The other is his Dad's name (Joseph). Which is nice on an older guy but I will absolutely not have it on a baby. Plus I don't want to have to deal with 2 people with the same name all the time... There are so many names to choose from - why constantly repeat the same name within the family...

So right now we're stuck and we're waiting for the u/s in 3 weeks.

DBride2006 · September 2011

lawright:
I think that if the parents can't agree, then naming rights goes to the person who squeezes the human being out of her body.

I think this is a terrible attitude. The person who does the work reaps the reward? So, if one spouse works and the other stays home the working spouse gets to decide how to spend the money? Just because your husband isn't pregnant doesn't mean he's not going through the worries, fears, stress and putting up with your hormonal a$$. It's both of your baby, you get to decide together.

ryry1977 · September 2011

Agree with what is stated above: both parents should get to name the child.

onehope1285 · September 2011

My husband is a junior by chance. He was originally going to be a Kevin John until he was born and his dad wanted a junior.(He went to being John Kevin instead) He is not fond of being a junior but that is him. I think when it comes to a child's name both parents should agree. That way it does not leave the door open to resentment in the future if you both or one of you did not like the name. I like the idea of using part of the dad's name that way he has the sense of having a junior without the actual jr being added to it. I have told my husband we will not be having a the third. Also we have been told by my mil that we are not allowed to use the name john. I think she is adamant about the trend stopping too. Hope all goes well with deciding a name for your baby.

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