deploy after baby arrives kinda long... — The Bump
Military Families

deploy after baby arrives kinda long...

I know I am lucky to have my husband here (hopefully) for the arrival of baby but he will be leaving 1-2 months after delivery, guaranteed for the rest of the year.  I dont know which is worst but I know those are the cards we got dealt.

I am starting to calmly freak out about it. I mention it to friends and family so the info is out there and I am accepting it but then it hits me.  This is our first and we both come from small families that are 100's of miles away. I saw other posts of ideas of how to keep the daddy-baby connection going during these times away and it helps but seems sad/hard.  I am even feeling guilty for planning on day care because it will start right around when my husband leaves.  Makes me want to put off going to work a little longer if my job will even tolerate it... Any experience/suggestions about this kind of timing? I worry my baby will not have the daddy figure early on and will not connect/know much of me with me being gone about 9 hours a day. I feel like it looks terrible from the outside.

Am I over thinking it? I knew it before I got pregnant but things change so often and reality is here.  For example, I freaked out when I was mowing the lawn because what will I do when I have a brand new baby and its just me at the house and I have to mow the lawn next year?  Hiring someone is not in the cards. I know I have to learn to ask for help but it seems awkward to say hey come watch my kid I'm gonna go mow...silly right but it made me think of all the little things that are easier to do with 2 parents around and how I wont get the luxury. 



Re: deploy after baby arrives kinda long...

  • IS your husband leaving for a year or just the rest of the year?

     You will learn to do EVERYTHING without him. I promise!! My husband left when my 2nd was only 2 weeks old and I had a 3 year old. You figure it out. For example, mow the lawn when the baby naps. Have a monitor attached to you or go in frequently to check on her. You can always have her in a playpen in the garage too or on the porch.

    As far as missing out on the daddy bonding time, you can record his voice or take a video of him. My husband recorded himself while we were all asleep and left it for us. The boys got to hear his voice but I honestly think yours will be a bit young.

    You are way stronger than you think you are and everything in the end will be just fine.

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  • yes 1 year gone is the last I heard...

    thank you for the encouragement, its hard to not get overwhlemed at least it only comes in waves for now....

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  • We are in the same boat, but I'm not sure DH will even be here for the birth.  I have cried all I can cry about it already, but now I'm trying to look at the next year with as much of a positive outlook as I can.  When I get depressed I think of all the kids who are less fortunate, those without parents or who are living in poor conditions and I think "my baby is so lucky!"  As PP said, you will find a way to cope and get through it.  Look to the other wives in your unit for help and support - there should be plenty of other moms who will be willing look after the baby if you need it as long as you are willing to do it for them as well.
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  • My H is scheduled to deploy when our LO will be aboout 2 weeks old for 6 months. I'm going "home" to my parents/his mom's while he is gone since this is our first, live across the country and have few friends who could help me. It's also our first deployment since we've been married/dating. I bought a picture frame that we can put pics in and he can record his voice so I can go through the pics and LO can hear his voice. I think he plans on buying recordable books and sending them to us so he can "read" LO a story as well. We are also fortunate that he has a staff job, so we should be able to skype on a regular basis. He'll be able to see LO and interact with baby. Our LO will be a little young, but he bought pooh puppets to use to entertain LO during tummy time at home, so he packed those in his bag so he can do that over Skype. We'll see how it goes in a few weeks.

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  • I could just hug you right now! My DH is also leaving one month after the baby arrives. When this whole thing came up all I did was cry... I was furious. I just thought, how am I supposed to do this without him he is my rock. I always pictured DH & I taking care of the baby together, learning together, growing together as parents.

    Ive had some time to accept that hes leaving and we've made plans for me to move back home. So I can have my family there to help me. Just us talking about how we're going to do this had made things so much easier.

    Ive realized that this is what DH wants to do. It is part of his goals in life. It is such a big thing for him to do and i need to support him compeletly. I just say to myself... I will be fine, DH will be fine, and baby will be fine. We will get threw this and we will come out stronger.

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  • I highly suggest going home once or twice for a while at a time (if your schedule and lifestyle allow it). Otherwise you HAVE to rely on your military sisters for support and help. 

    SKYPE will be your lifesaver.

    I'm so sorry you have to go through this when your baby is so young.

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  • I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. DH will also be overseas until about 6 weeks before my due date and will deploy for 7-8 months when the baby is 2-3 months. He's going to miss most of the pregnancy and the 1st year of the baby's life. To be honest, I haven't really thought much about it yet. I'm just trying to get through it all one week at the time. As of right now, I'm not sure if I will stay here (with no family) or move home with my parents. We own a home, so that makes the decision harder than if we rented an apartment. I'm also going to have to learn how to do all these things on my own with a baby as well. I don't have any words of wisdom or advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

  • My DD was just born 6 weeks ago, and my DH is scheduled to deploy in 2 weeks (she'll be 8 weeks old), and he is going on an 8 month deployment. So I too can relate to your situation. This is our first child. Fortunately, you have time to prepare (we were only given 2.5 months notice, as he was suddenly attached to another company as a replacement).

    The good news is... He'll be there to see your LO born! And the first few weeks really are the hardest, so he'll be around to help out. It is amazing to see how quickly a bond can develop between baby and daddy. So make sure to take tons of pictures!

    Some suggestions I've gotten are to laminate a picture of daddy for the baby to keep (look at, hold, chew on, etc.), recordable storybooks so that LO can hear daddy's voice, a build-a-bear to actually cuddle with and let him sleep with it the week before he leaves so it smells like him, Daddy Dolls are also pretty cool.For yourself, definitely get a Baby Bjorn, you can get a lot done with baby attached to you while your hands are free!

    To be honest, the first few weeks after my LO was born, I'd find myself in tears watching DH with her because I knew he was getting ready to deploy.  I'll keep you updated as to how hard it is once the time comes, but just think of it this way (as I keep reminding myself) - we have no choice but to do the best we can with whatever situation we are put in. And I just try to stay strong because as hard as it might be for us, it truly is harder on them having to leave. They aren't just leaving behind their spouse, but also their brand new baby. They are the ones changing their living environment and life as they know it. It will be a BIG adjustment, but it is amazing how resilient us humans are, and just take it one day at a time, until he comes home.

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  • Thanks everyone. I know I'm one of many and one day at a time is how I have always gone through the deployments this time though yikes! Until then I'll try not to worry and just prepare instead. It really is good to see ideas and at least hear how you guys deal with it. Of course it doesnt help that my husband will be on a sub so its harder to keep in touch but that is only for about half the time away after that hopefully skype will be an option.
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