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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
SAHM vs. 3-piece suits
DH and I are at a crossroads. Which would you choose:
A) Bring in the big bucks as a dual-income, living 12+ hours away from ALL of LO's family, or
Stay a SAHM but living on one (modest) paycheck?
What are you now, and what would you choose if you had the choice??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SAHM vs. 3-piece suits
This and if I had to pay for daycare I wouldn't work because it wouldn't be worth it and then we wouldn't be able to eat.
I am B and I would choose B again. However, I also wouldn't bring home much (less than $600) after paying for daycare and it's just not worth it to me. For the benefit of staying home, I'll gladly give up eating out a few times a month and our premium cable package.
If I could afford to live comfortably and maintain a lifestyle where I'm not constantly stressed about money or living paycheck to paycheck, then I'd absolutely pick B.
Otherwise, I would choose A. I think that daycare is wonderful for kids. If you're making a good living, you can afford trips to visit family. I'll be honest - giving my child nice things is important to myself and my husband. He grew up in an extremely poor family and doesn't want our LO to want for anything. My LO loves daycare and I still get to spend lots of quality time with him.
11-15-08
12-1-10
I went back to work. I make a really good living, and so does my husband. I also love my job and my coworkers. I rarely question my decision because I know how rare it is to find a job you love to do with great coworkers. But then I read/hear things like this and I feel incredibly guilty. I'm sitting here at my desk tearing up. I know that was not your intention, and I didn't mean to specifically call you out, but I just needed an example to make my point.
The point is that there are upsides and downsides to whatever decision you make. You have to choose what's right for your situation.
We made that choice too - and we're option B here. We live on a much tighter budget but I wouldn't trade this time with DD for any amount of money. Double the income or not.
When it comes to major decisions like this - I try to think long-term. And in our case it was possible for me to SAH. I know in 20 years, I won't care if we had 2 cars or new clothes or went on a nice vacation every year. I would regret not being there to see all the milestones and smiles, and watching her learn and grow daily. I really want to be the one to teach my daughter during the early years. (Please, I'm not trying to offend any working moms, this is just how I came to my personal decision. I am not judging anyone who works outside the home.)
I feel so blessed we are able to make it work for our family because I know a lot of mom's don't have the luxury to choose. It really is such a personal decision no one in the world can make besides you and your spouse. Good luck to you!
My EP'ing Blog
I think it depends on what YOU want. Not what the rest of us want. I chose to work PT, because I want to keep up with my career goals. But, I'm still taking a hit. I've been offered positions that I've had to turn down because they were FT, but they were amazing and I felt like crap doing it.
Buuuut, working PT means I get to spend more time with my baby, pay of my student loans faster and save more for her college and keep up with my career (at least minimally). So that's what we chose. For some that decision doesn't make sense.
I always say, imagine each scenario and determine which one gives you a sense of peace when you imagine it. Both will be a challenge and both will be stressful. But do the one that will leave you with the least regrets.
I love working, too. And I'm good at it. Don't get too sad, you are growing a college fund that just might make a better person out of your DS. There is value to staying in the workforce too - in a decade you're likely to be making much more than us SAHMs!
Well of course I'm not going to let a bunch of strangers (no offense) make this decision for us! A big part of me going back to work would have been the relocation - and taking DD away from her 4 grandparents and our close friends. Money talks though! It doesn't solve problems, but it sure helps make things easier.
I just wanted to get opinions from both sides of the fence. Part-time in my career field isn't really an option. Sometimes I think the stress of staying home is greater than that of the office though!
Aw, don't cry, If cheffing wasn't such a crap paycheck for the hours I would consider going back possibly.(it's impossible to say) I do love it. (if my back wasn't fvcked of course). I think it's great you love what you do. I could just never be away the hours that are normally asked in my line of work. Maybe when she's older I can find something PT, I do miss it and you shouldn't feel guilty for that. I hope I didn't make you feel bad, I was strictly speaking about what works for us.
Def B. I work 3 days a week, just to supplement H's income. We are by no means well off, but we are comfortable. I get to spend time with DD, and that matters more to me than all the things I could be buying. I wasn't crazy about my job, so it was a no brainer to drop to part time. This way, I also get out of the house to keep a little sanity. When DD goes to school, I will most likely resume full time work.
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to come off that way at all. Don't feel guilty. The last thing we need is for Mom's/Women to make other Mom's/Women feel guilty for making the choices that work best for them.
There are certainly downsides to staying home. I'm in a position where we would have significantly more income, even after daycare, if I worked, so I often feel guilty for not contributing to savings, and paying down our debt. I also miss having adult time, using my degrees, and feeling like I'm a productive member of society. And there are plenty of times I miss being able to spend money on extras.
Bottom line, every family has to make their own choice! And again I'm sorry if my original post came off like that.
I agree with this if I only had to choose between A and B.
I chose option C for myself, which is work 15 hours a week and be home the rest of the time. I like having both.
We are option A. My parents live 6 hours away and my ILs are about an hour away.
This is the right decision for us. I am the breadwinner by far. LO is in a daycare right next door to my office. Our daycare is ridiculously cheap, so even though DH makes half of what I do it is still well above the cost of care.
By both of us working we will be able to do things that are important to us: buying a new home in 3-5 years, helping our parents in their old age (my parents are in their late 70s), having a 2nd child without worrying about the cost of daycare, saving for our childrens' college expenses, traveling as a family, etc. We were able to have a savings cushion that allowed me to take a 6 month maternity leave at 1/2 pay & will likely do so again for kid #2.
Don't get me wrong, I loved being at home with LO and would choose to do so IF we could maintain our lifestyle on one salary. But we can't, and that is okay with me too.
In your shoes, I'd choose option B.
In my own situation, I have no choice but to work. My monthly student loan bill is outrageous, and we simply couldn't pay the bills on DH's salary alone. If things were different though, and we didn't have the debt, I'd totally be a SAHM.
This is me too. We were DINKS, and lived like it. Constant eating out, nights out with friends, over-priced clothes. I'm not into that stuff anymore, and neither is DH. It was one reason we knew we were ready for a child.
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