- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Success after IF
a little tickedmailed-by
hide details 4:08 AM (4 hours ago)I just read your facebook entry that you were alone and scared yesterday. I'm sorry. That gives the impression to others (and quite a few of SIL facebook friends are yours) that you've had no help. But, I did spend 4 1/2 hours of my day picking up Fenton, bringing him to your house, helping you at the pediatrician uesterday. You weren't alone all day. I have gladly spent a great deal of my time trying to help you for 2 1/2 weeks. I hope you give me credit for it.
Oye why you should never be friends with your MIL on FB...
Even if you have a good relationship with her.
Yesterday I posted that I was worried and scared about my first day alone with the kiddos. Fenton can be quite a busy child who I am still actively potty training and he no longer naps....couple that with breastfeeding an infant on demand, pretty much means that the prospect of being alone all afternoon and into the early evening is a scary thing to me. Heck getting everyone out the door to preschool was scary to me I did and thankfully Fenton was in a cooperative mood yesterday morning but still I was worried.
So this morning I get this e-mail from her:
subjecta little tickedmailed-byhide details 4:08 AM (4 hours ago)I just read your facebook entry that you were alone and scared yesterday. I'm sorry. That gives the impression to others (and quite a few of SIL facebook friends are yours) that you've had no help. But, I did spend 4 1/2 hours of my day picking up Fenton, bringing him to your house, helping you at the pediatrician uesterday. You weren't alone all day. I have gladly spent a great deal of my time trying to help you for 2 1/2 weeks. I hope you give me credit for it.
So yes she did help me by picking up Fenton from preschool and coming to the pediatrician. But she sure and heck didn't help when Fenton started throwing a tantrum and I was trying to carry Jasper in his carseat and pick up a 36 pound 3 year who was kicking and screaming, and she was out the door and going home as soon as we were done at the pediatrician.
To be clear I have also been nothing but thankful for the help she has provided but the status had absolutely nothing to do with her and whether I appreciated her help.
Ugh...don't do it ladies just don't be friends with your IL's on FB especially if you have narcisistic MIL's like mine, nothing good will come of it. She sent that e-mail off at 4am, DH called her at 6am when I got the e-mail because he was just as pissed as I was that she couldn't even bother to talk to me first.
ETA: Really trying to find a way to be forgiving but this is the first of many attempts on her part to try and sensor mine and DH's FB pages and our lives for that matter. Also I really really don't care what my SIL or her friends think heck I am not even friends with any of them so I fail to see how they would even see what I had to say.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Oye why you should never be friends with your MIL on FB...
Am I reading this correctly? She wants "FB credit"?
Honestly, I would just give it to her. But I'm a wuss like that... I would do a status that said something like "I never thought it would be so tough with 2 kiddos, and I'm thankful for all the help I can get".
4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
Um yeah you pretty much hit the nail on the head there OrangeSmoke.
Sorry, I don't know what else to say. I would be pissed too.
:::grooooan:::
I worry about this all the time on FB. If you have a lot of friends, there's a good chance something you post is going to rub one of them the wrong way.
As for MILs in general, a similar thing happened to me this week. So, I deleted the post, and reposted it while blocking her from seeing it. And now FB defaults to that setting with everything I post, so she's not seeing anything from me. I like it!
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
yup, I agree.
BUT how do you deal with the repeat friend requests? I do like my MIL. She's a very nice person and I have no beef with her. I just don't want her in my secret lair. She KNOWS I'm on FB, but thankfully IS a bit clueless about the processes of it, so maybe she just thinks she's not sent the request or something.
I feel bad, and if I ask Davez WWYD he'd get ticked. uugh.
BUT this is WHY!!!!
Ugh - that sounds so frustrating and I completely understand your intent was not about her. I like SeaSoul's approach and think that's a good way to try and avoid that in the future.
I would just block her from your status updates.
Two Mc Peas In a Pod
Kayla's Grace
I did respond to the e-mail telling her that I was sorry she got the wrong impression and did make sure to thank for her againfor the help. she responded with a woe is me response telling me that she is just going to defriend DH and I, personally I am fine with this but I have a feeling it is only going to make life more difficult,
I would de-friend her first, and if she mentions it, just say, that misunderstandings were not helping your relationship with her, and you wanted to make sure her feelings were not hurt by misunderstanding something you post again.
As for repeated friend requests, I just leave them in "friend purgatory" and don't respond one way or another. They can not request again if you don't respond one way or another. Both ILs are there for me! Passive aggressive? Maybe.
I'm going to go in the opposite direction and sort of side with your MIL on this one. It could be perceived as a passive aggressive swipe at her or other family members - and that's the problem with FB - it doesn't matter how it was intended, it only matters how it was perceived.
PP hormones being what they are, she could have left it be, but I do understand why after spending 4.5 hours helping you, she felt slighted.
fwiw, this is what I do with my inlaws and anyone who might ever talk to my inlaws
I'm still friends with them, so I don't have to deal with the "what about friend requests?" question, and they can still see everything up until I started with this setting - so, to them it just looks like I've gone quiet. (But I can change this if there is a photo or something I don't mind them seeing.) I highly recommed it 
So sorry you're dealing with this - sucks!!!
I would do this too.
I see your POV and had I not been thankful to her every single time she has helped I could see why she would feel justified in her response. I have however been thankful to her at every turn no matter the situation.
I am your friend on facebook...and when I read your status update I thought you were "alone" all day with no help. I don't think you need to give a huge shout out everytime someone changes a diaper or drops by to say hello, but I can also see how she would feel like you were discounting her help (especially if you say she is very focused on herself at the best of times). I think sending you that message was a little over the top.
I agree with what everyone else said...just block her from your status updates:)