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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
mmarsac
member
This might sound mean but...
mmarsac
member
I like it when my husband is gone. I don't have to worry about getting dinner going or about DD being cranky when he gets home. I can just kind of go with DD's schedule and enjoy her. Tonight DD and I went for an evening walk, ate some solids (rice cereal and apples, yummy), played with her toys, pet the dogs, took a bath, read Dr. Suess's ABCs, had a bottle, and then she drifted off to sleep.
I love DH, but sometimes, when he's here, it feels like I have a husband and a baby to take care of instead of just a baby. Last night I made enchiladas, and while I was cooking I asked him to feed DD her solids and give her a bath so she could stay on her bedtime schedule. He refused to give her a bath saying that he was too tired, and he's never done it before, so he doesn't know how. When he saw we were having enchiladas he said, "I didn't know you knew how to make enchiladas." How does he think I learn how to do things like cook and bathe the baby? By doing them. Trial and error, DH, that's how I figure this stuff out. It's not a magical womanly instinct. I did not go to enchilada school or baby school. I just figure this stuff out by doing it.
To be fair, he is an excellent provider, and he's very loving. It's just that the man is a scientist. He's brilliant. How can he not figure this stuff out?
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Re: This might sound mean but...
I feel the same way. The household runs so smoothly when DH is not around. When he comes home, the house seems to be in chaos. I hate trying to keep up with him and LO too.
I might mention that becoming a SAHM has really helped. His chaos is much more manageable after I've gotten LO, all the housework, and my own situations under control.
I was just saying this to DH tonight....how much more smoothly things run when he is gone. It's like when he walks in a tornado comes with him. DD#1 has a meltdown, his stuff is everywhere, it's time for dinner, he wants to hold DD#2 who then starts crying, and on and on.
When he is gone during the day it's like a well-oiled machine around here:)
i'm in the same boat. he provides enough for me to stay home with DD, which is huge and i love him dearly for that....but, he doesn't help with her very much. the last time he gave her a bath was when she was a week old and he hardly ever changes her diaper. when i ask him to help out, his excuse is, that he's tired, he just got home from sitting an hour and a half in traffic or simply no. on the weekends he still doesn't help out and last saturday i snapped and said, "well, at least you get the weekends off!"
all this kind of makes me resent him and i don't want it to be that way. there needs to be a resolution, i just don't know how to get it.
"I did not go to enchilada school or baby school"
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Haha it's true, my husband is the same way. It's a learned helplessness thing--he doesn't want to learn to do it because he knows you will and likes it that way. Every time I start to get annoyed by it though, I remind myself how he never complains when I ask him to replace the light bulbs or put something together because "I don't know how."
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I love this. I feel the same way. My hubby is a smarty at work, but he is clueless with some things. He asked me the other day (while TRYING to feed P bananas) how I can get him to "focus" while I'm feeding him. I told him to make the airplane noises or raspberry while you bring the spoon to his mouth and he will look and open wide. It was as if I solved the economical crisis. He was astonished that it worked and wondered how I "figured that out." REALLY?! It's rocket science, clearly!
DH is a SAHD. I wonder if he feels the same way about me.
Sorry, had to post this... fellow scientist here---we're not THAT smart lol, take this scenario for instance
I will say that my DH has been very hands on and I love watching how wonderful he is with DD! Now that I've said that, let me also say that I want to come behind him and redo just about everything he does do. I never knew what a control freak I could be. I have always been so laid back but I have found a new rythym within myself after having a baby and it has become so important to me.
Mine does the same thing!! Drives me crazy. I want to scream "LOOK FOR A SECOND, there aren't that many options!!!" I do see how it happened though because when he asks for something his mom (who I love dearly) jumps up to find it for him.
The thing that makes me crazy is that he comes home and at that point I usually need a bit of a break so it's his turn with our DD. After like 10 minutes if she is crying he is trying to hand her back to me so he can 'get stuff done'.. Don't I have stuff that I want to get done too?!? Or he will complain that his back hurts from carrying her for 10 minutes. Come on, she is 11 lbs! And I just carried her around all day, so I truly don't care to hear it.
I had a sitdown with my DH. Let's just say it was a call to Jesus meeting... a shocking does of reality.... My begining words were "am i the only adult in this household?" Followed by ( for 20 minutes) a laundry list of my peeves . I also explained if i hear him complain about being tired, not feeling well, not having time too, or etc........ I was packing up my LO and going to my mothers!! (a little levity) but i think he finally realized his behavior and has been doing better since. BUt sometimes it is just easier with out his obsticles....
I feel like I wrote that post--holy cow.....I feel the SAME way!
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
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Notes:
I can't totally relate to this post and most of the replies!
I love MH to pieces but when he is away for work (not too often but usually at least a week at a time) things run a lot more smoothly. I think just knowing that he won't be home in the evening helps me to keep on top of things a bit more. Sometimes I find myself just waiting for him to come home so I can clean something or take a shower, etc. When he's not around I have to do it! And, when he's gone I usually have a sandwich or cereal for dinner...no prep time and easy clean-up.
And about the no bath issue...MH pulled this for the first five months of our DD life. He said that since I refuse to mow the lawn he refuses to do bath-time. I finally put my foot down when I read something on here about SAHMs and working dads. Being a mom is my "job" during the day. But, when MH comes home we BOTH parent. Thank you to whoever wrote that!! After that conversation it finally sunk into MH head and now he helps out with bath-time and solid food feedings!
I can completely understand where you are coming from.
That being said, clearly none of you are are military wives. My husband is in the Navy and sometimes is gone for 9 (or more) months at a time. While it can be nice to have an evening to yourself every once in a while, try going it alone for 9 months - not nearly as fun as it might seem. It gets lonely, and it is sad/frightening to not be able to hear from him every day (Sometimes you go days/weeks without getting to talk). My advice would be to sit your husbands down and talk to them about learning how to do some of these things so that you can be a team and work together. My husband, when he is able to be home, is my other half. We work well together and he would never tell me he was too tired to help (even if he was exhausted from work). Talk to your husbands when the baby isn't around (sleeping/hanging out at grandma's/etc) and things are quiet. And try to not to be too happy when your husband is gone because there are some of us that miss ours something fierce while they are out saving the world!
Ok, you are a military wife..... (didn't see your post) Are you both in the reserves? Thanks for all that you and your husband do for our country!
That was my first thought too. Although I am on my own during the weekends, when he goes to a part-time job, so we've both ended up being pretty understanding.