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March 2012 Moms
LilyPotter218
member
Absolute Meltdown (NPR for once) DH vent.
LilyPotter218
member
So DH graduated from law school in May. Took the Bar this summer and, although he does not have the official word, he left the test feeling great and saying it as so much easier than he expected. (This is the guy who swore he "failed" every test he took in law school and ended up in the top 15% of this class)
FF to now. He has been working in a SH!T firm who now has no money left to pay him... He gets his last paycheck Friday.
He has been applying for other attorney positions but has not heard much back. No interviews and it has been about 2 months now. I am hoping things pick up once he has the official results of the Bar, but most companies will assume this until they hear otherwise - so the silence likely has nothing to do with not having official results.
So, I sent him links to jobs for thinks like bank tellers, admissions work at his college... ANYTHING that was still "professional" until he can find a real job. He took this as a personal blow and is now pissed off I would even suggest a lawyer work at Home Depot?! WTF, the only other option is that your pregnant wife - who already makes most of the $, and carries and pays the health ins finds a second job nights and weekends...
I am beside myself and so angry with him. He refused to get a resume out while he was studying b/c he had this great job lined up. Since the Bar, they have not given him more than 250$ a week. I had a bad feeling about it from the start but of course he would not listen to me. I know being mad won't do us any good but I am soooooo frustrated.
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Re: Absolute Meltdown (NPR for once) DH vent.
I am so sorry that you are going through this right now! I am a lawyer, and I can relate to how your husband feels and I saw many of my classmates go through a similar situation. I was fortunate to find a good job right after law school, but I have seen many people I graduated with struggle to find a legal job and still have not found one. It is not a great market for attorneys. Typically, the legal jobs don't come for about 2 years after the economy has bounced back.
Although he may feel that certain jobs are "below" him, that is NOT TRUE! I know you understand that, and hopefully with time he will accept that too. Jobs for a college are really good as a stepping stone to legal positions, checking with nonprofit entities, although sometimes the pay is not a lot, they love having someone with legal knowledge and you make great connections (which leads to another job). He should also consider any position with your state government, once you get in with the government it is easier to move to positions as they open up in other legal jobs for the state.
I wish I had more suggestions, but maybe he can contact the career advisor from his law school for more ideas or contacts. At this point, any job is a good job! And, it is easier to find a job when you have a job, sometimes it is sad, but true! Good luck to both of you!
ITA with this. MH feels the same way about the current job he is in, slowly it's getting better AND it's is a JOB, which are hard to come by these days. Because he's got a good education he's advanced quickly, and has excellent insurance. Sending you and you H lots of job vibes. Good luck lady.
I totally know what you are going through Lily! My DH, before we got married but were living together, was laid off from his job and remained unemployed for a year and a half! Yes, a year and a half. It was hands down the hardest time of our relationship. Over the course of that time I did what you did (and more), emailed him links to job, made suggestions, asked what he'd done that day in terms of job search, offered to update his resume, the list goes on and on.
Well, all that effort on my part only served to piss him off and make him feel like I was not only nagging him to death, but also that I didn't trust him and that I didn't feel he was responsible enough to handle this on his own. I had to learn that the only thing I could do was the sit back and let him do his own job searching. If I continued on the way I was going, putting my heart and soul into helping him find a job, not only would it make his resentful of me because he felt like I was treating him like a child, but it would make me resentful of him every time he didn't appreciate my effort.
Bottom line for us was that every time I made a suggestion or whatever it made him feel like less of a man. Men are prideful, they hate knowing that they aren't "providing" for you. Every time you suggest something that may just be a reminder to him of how he feels like he's not holding up his end of the bargin of being a husband. I know it's VERY hard to do, but my suggestion would be to just back off for awhile and try and let him navigate this on his own and let him ask for help from you if he needs it.
And for what's it worth, DH did find a job and he did it on his own. He never got even an interview for the places I suggested, but went out and found something by himself and it ended up being the best job he's ever had!
Hang in there, I know its rough! ((HUG)))
Ill have to look into that... Thanks for the heads up
We don't need a TON to get by, but he needs to contribute! We did just fine with his income during school which was about 27K a year (he was a research assistant along with a few loans taken out for personal expenses). Luckily he had a full ride so student loans are not as bad as they could be.
I am mostly just stressed b/c I seem to be the only one who is concerned here! He has so many leads and lots of places "considering" him, but no one is budging.
I graduated from law school in May 2009 (*** laude from a top 20 law school) without a job, and at that time even the legal aid/public defender/etc. places were not hiring. It was a tough, tough job market. It's supposedly a little better now, but not great. I took a terrible job just to be doing legal work and was miserable for the short time I was there until I was fortunate enough to get an offer at my current position.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I feel your and your husband's pain. What kind of law does YH ultimately want to practice? We just had an atty opening in my office that was filled very quickly, but I can send info if I hear of any other openings. (We have offices throughout the country.)
ETA: Apparently one of the Latin words in my diploma is off limits on the bump. Guess that word has other meanings too.
Thank you for the response
He is most interested in the contract side of law. No specifics there. The firm he has been with is 4 attorneys who will take anything and everything. It has been great experience but they often take on cases that are a waste of time. He has been doing mostly research and writing any and every document they need for the time being.
He is not thrilled about the idea of litigation, but he is actually pretty good at it so who knows?
Hi! Another new lawyer here. I I graduated in 2010 and several of my classmates that passed the bar exam on the first try, are just now finding legal employment. I know it can be SO frustrating, but if he keeps applying something will come along. It probably will not be the legal job the dreamed of when he started law school, but it will be a start and gaining experience is invaluable. Many of these classmates, and myself included, have had to adjust our expectations because of the economic climate. I totally agree with trying to volunteer somewhere and begin networking. This is how my cousin got her full time legal position.
Also I have been working as a judicial law clerk since graduating and also have maintained a serving job on the nights and weekends. I don't consider the work "beneath me" at all, because it helps me pay my student loans that are outrageous. Just because I have a J.D. doesn't mean that I'm too good to work at job that helps pay my bills. And now with baby on the way, I appreciate the extra money even more.
GL to your husband, I know how stressful this is : )
I think it's time to teach your husband the rule my father (a lawyer) and mother taught me:
IF YOU HAVE NO JOB THEN NO JOB IS BENEATH YOU!!!!!!!!!
I've had that lesson pounded into my head since I could talk.
My dad paid his own way through his undergrad and doctoral degrees by working in: a brass mill, as a milk man, a "slush" factory (pouring liquid rubber to make Ked type shoes), a shipping wear house, a substitute teacher, and one other factory job. When he got out on his own with his JD he worked in legal aid, set up his own practice (and was still broke) and finally got a job working as a states attorney.
My mom has also had some less than wonderful jobs too. But as they have always said when you have a family to support than you take what ever job you can get. It doesn't mean you stop looking for the job you want, but you take the money you can get, where you can get it.
I'm sure your both feeling stressed out but hang in there and I'm sure it will all work out. Good Luck!
I'd say good luck with this one. It's very hard to "teach" a husband to pick up a new value. Maybe some guys are receptive to being "taught", but I find that most guys are likely to look at that as nagging and end up being resentful that you are acting like their parent. But hey, if anyone can tell me how to teach my husband things..please tell me the secret!
My DH has recently gone through some job struggles. He's not been unemployed, but he's been in trouble at work. His attitude has stressed me out, because all too often he's been like, well yeah I might have dropped the ball on that, but so and so did this. I say, I don't care about so and so, I'm not married to them, I don't depend on them to take care of our family. It's been very stressful.
I would just keep asking to address it and express your reasoning to offering the suggestions. I think it's important that he knows how concerned you are and hopefully realizes how important it is that he's prepared to take care of a family, no matter what the job is.
I'm an attorney, and I'm 100% on your side here. The #1 priority is making sure the bills get paid.
The only advice I have for him to find a legal job is that he should consider office-sharing arrangements. It's riskier, but it's the only way he'll have a guaranteed job. And, if he handles it right, he'll be putting himself in a situation where he'll actually be desirable to law firms, and he'll know a lot of the attorneys in his areas of specialty. It's vital that he finds the right attorney to work with if he goes this route, though.
I totally agree that right now especially any job is a good job, BUT even his parents are saying "oh he can't do that he's a lawyer". With no job is not a lawyer, he is unemployed!
I understand that he is upset at the idea of working at say, Home Depot... He always assumed that once he graduated and was licensed he could take care of me, our family. Thats great, and still may be a possibility someday. THey were fed all these unrealistic statistics when he entered law school and so so so much has changed since then.
I can't force it, but I do agree he needs to swallow his pride, and get any job he can to support this soon to be expanding family
As you say, in this economy, it isn't as if it's that uncommon for someone to work outside of their chosen field for a little while before landing their "actual" job. Right after grad school, I got part-time work as an adjunct teacher and worked as a clerk at a health food store full-time. I think the point that a poster a few posts up made is a good one. Take whatever full-time job you can get and then volunteer or do side work to build up law experience.
Good luck to you, Lily! Fights (especially about money) are no good.
And unemployment and underemployment are the reasons I left law school and became a paralegal. I make more money than the folks that I would have graduated law school with and I have a lot less in loans.
Sorry this is happening to you Lily- hopefully your husband will realize that he needs to support his family and put his pride aside for a little while until something comes along that he really wants to do.
Good luck.
I totall agree with you girls, I think the men do need to suck it up! I just don't know how one would go about getting them to see it if they aren't ready to. But I felt the same way with my H, if you have to go be a paper boy then do it! We need the money!
Hey Lily, I'm not sure if this will help but here is a link to the USDOJ about Attorney Vacancies. https://www.justice.gov/careers/legal/attvacancies.html You may also suggest to your husband looking into states attorney jobs.
I'm pretty sure that when my dad was in law school he wasn't thinking of taking a job as a state's attorney but it was what he ended up doing. In CT it's also a unionized job so there is some more security than in the private sector. He had really good benefits (amazing prescription and health plan), time off and a decent paycheck. Yes he worked some longer days, partly it was how he is- go in early and depending on the judge leave late- but he ended up enjoying his work for the most part.
Thank you! I will look into it. I was pushing for a govt job actually. They have decent hours and amazing benefits. Ill take that! I plan to work after the baby is born so that was never an issue. No one was ever expecting him to land a 6 figure job...
um... my dad was making 6 figures as a juvi prosecutor so the possibility is there. ; )
So sorry to hear about YH's job. It's definitely not an easy time to be a lawyer. I am quite a few years out, but if the company I work for goes under, I am not looking forward to job searching right now
I would definitely have him look into contract work- that is, a lot of firms hire temp lawyers to work on a case-by-case (or transaction by transaction) basis. He may be doing document review for a litigation or he could be doing due diligence for a merger or big real estate closing, that kind of thing. Also- has he spoken with any headhunters? And Linkedin is a great resource here- letting everyone that you are looking can sometimes yield jobs where you didn't think to look.
Oh and I'm not sure I'd get too excited about legal aid. Up here, the legal aid jobs aren't so easy to get. Surprisingly, there were a lot of people coming out of law school that wanted to do non-profit or DA type jobs and if they couldn't get in there, the next step was legal aid. I hope he finds something soon!