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Blended Families
fellesferie
member
s/o Life Insurance / Wills / Kids
fellesferie
member
How do you handle custody of the child/children in your will?
XH and I share legal custody of DS, so in the event of my death, XH would be legally entitled to full custody of DS. Knowing that his legal custody supersedes our wills, we used our wills to more or less make our wishes known.
If I die, we want both the kids to stay with DH (and for what it's worth, XH has agreed to take DS's wishes into account, and to consider letting him stay with DH if I were to die). If both of us die, we want the kids to go to my parents. Once my parents are either unable or unwilling to care for them, my fabulous BIL and SIL have agreed to take care of our kids if something happens to us. We chose them because they are wonderful, and because they live in the same state as XH. So if he decides to take DS, DD will be close by and they'll hopefully be able to maintain a relationship.
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Re: s/o Life Insurance / Wills / Kids
We currently do not have a will. DD would automatically go to her BF. SKs would stay with their BM. We are having a hard time deciding who should take DS. We want him to be able to maintain a close relationship with all his siblings however, the person we would prefer to have him with is my oldest SIL who lives in MO and is 13 hours away from the other kids.
Our parents would be unable to care for him and our other siblings have a lot of different beliefs from us in terms of raising children. We have recently started talking with my longtime bff who is a single woman with no children and she has said she would give up that lifestyle and take care of him and deal with our EX's if we select her, but I don't know that I would want to put that possibility on her. It's just a very hard decision.
SS would obviously stay with BM.
DD is a little harder. Our best option right now is my parents, but they would be pushing 70 by the time DD graduated, and I feel like while it would be no problem now, it could be a lot to ask later on. Our only possibility at this point on DHs side is his oldest brother, but they live a little ways a way...and they REALLY don't want to do the baby/toddler stage, and they REALLY don't want girls. All to the point that they are doing foster to adopt. While they adore DD, I don't think they would ever want to raise her full time. Later on we will probably ask my youngest sister (my other sister is very clear that she does not want kids) but right now she is 19 and in college, so it will be quite awhile before we would ask that of her.
I cannot remember your story with your ex but why would you rather your parents raise the kids than their own father? I could understand staying with DH b/c he is like a father to them since they live with him but I just don't get this all. Of course you are a reasonable person so I assume there is a good reason.
FWIW my BFF is named in my will, she is married and has 2 kids but having 2 versus raising 4 is very different especially since there would not be help from our families (my Mom loves then and would visit but cannot watch them and DH's family is out of the country.) If you think your BFF would do a good job raising them similarly to you then go for it but if not then do your sister, it would suck but you have to look after the kids even if it is not ideal.
But if they fall through, we have different opinions.
He wants Monkeynto to his one Sister and I want Monkey to go to my Aunt (she is only 12 years older than me, so not quite 60).
I REFUSE to agree to Monkey going to his family. They will not facilitate her to ever see my side, but my family will. In fact, I see my MIL actually trying to influence SIL in actually NOT allowing Monkey see my family at all.
Worse, my inlaws are very vocal when it comes to their beliefs. MIL and SILS have made downright NASTY comments about DHs EX in front of SS and SD (and me, when I was just the girlfriend). I KNOW They, especially MIL, will do it with me.
It's one thing for Monkey ton hear that when she is visiting them, but to live with that when I am gone.
XH lives across the country, and has only parented DS alone a handful of nights. He lives in an apartment with roommates and no room for DS. XH doesn't know DS at all, and really makes no effort to know him.
I'd rather have him stay with my parents at least until XH could get set up to have space for DS. And, DS is very, very close to my folks (my dad especially). And I worry that if something happened to DH and I, if DS had to lose his sister and my parents as well, it would be really terrible for him.