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Stay at Home Moms
muddin_lil_sis
member
When do you miss your child?
muddin_lil_sis
member
This may be a strange post, or maybe I should XP to PPD; I dunno, but I thought I'd come to yall first. I'm a SAHM altho I don't consider myself to be. I consider myself to be unemployed and staying home with my baby until I can find more work. My DS is 4 months old. I haven't worked since October due to complications with my pregnancy. I hate having to sit at home all day with no where to go and nothing to do. Going to a one income family drastically hurt our finances. I try not to go anywhere that is not necessary (get groceries once a week, go to a dr. apt when needed, but no where else). I didn't feel the way I feel now immediately after DS was born. It's started about 2 months ago. I feel like I can't "grow" my love or relationship with my DS because I don't miss him. I never leave him. We are always together. With DH, he goes to work and when he comes home, I can see the happiness in both their faces. DH missed DS and DS missed his daddy. I can see their love growing. But it's like I can't. I hope that makes sense. I have PPD and I wonder if maybe that has anything to do with the way I feel. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, if you stay at home all day, or with your child all the time, do you feel this way too? Or, if you don't, what do you do to not feel this way?
PS-I've been looking for work, but haven't found anything to justify taking. It would just cover daycare, wouldn't even cover gas and daycare, just daycare.
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Re: When do you miss your child?
I get what you are saying. I definitely feel a strong love for my LOs when I am missing them when they are away from me. I think your love is growing you just don't realize it yet. Also, at 4 months, your DS isn't doing a whole lot yet. As he does more and interacts with you somewhat you will feel your love grow! They don't do a whole lot when they are 4 months old so maybe that's why you are feeling this way.
I think your PPD is probably causing you to feel this way too. I really think your love for your DS is growing, you just don't realize it yet and the PPD is causing you to feel down a lot of the time so you aren't having many of those fuzzy, warm moments. I think you should cut yourself a break. I know from personal experience, too that having financial worries is just awful. It's one of the worst feeling ever.
Go easy on yourself and focus on getting through your PPD. It won't always be like this and you will feel better soon!!
I did not like, let alone miss, my child the first few months. I was head over heals by six months. Now that she is almost two and sleeps almost 12 hours at night, I miss her while she is sleeping and I can't wait to see her in the morning.
I think time will help. I wish I could help you in the meantime!
I'm guessing that the PPD has a huge effect on what you're feeling. I haven't had PPD per-say, but have dealt with episodes of major depression for much of my life. It can make EVERYTHING feel pointless, sadly even parenting. I hope that you are able to seek treatment, you deserve the relief.
I'm so used to having DD around that I miss her even on the shortest trips away from her. Try running an errand or two after you DH gets home.
ETA: Chances are a little time away isn't going to be enough to cut through real depression, so don't be too discouraged if it isn't an instant fix.
It takes a lot for me to miss my kids. For instance, this summer I was away multiple nights/weekends for my sister's and SIL's wedding stuff. I only missed my children the second day. Like right when I got up but once I was busy doing other things I was fine. Of course I was excited to see them once I got back home.
It's interesting because I suffer from PPD, but now it's just general depression. I wonder if there is a connection for me too. Regardless ((hugs)) I think you should schedule a Saturday out- even if it's to a coffee shop with a book or window shopping- or taking a walk. You need to get out of the house by yourself at least for a few hours each week.
I couldn't agree more with English.
Get out-
Going out doesn't need to cost money. Definitely take some time for you. In the beginning everything is hard-
many days you feel like you are fumbling around in the dark- (and that is WITHOUT PPD)- so know that at least SOME of what you are feeling is normal beginner parenting stuff.
Best of luck to you!
I've also just always considered myself an independent person- as in liking to do things on my own. I know you are like this, too, Stacy. Perhaps, OP you don't mind being by yourself often? Because I think we're less likely to miss people if we like to be alone...that is a major generalization but YKWIM, hopefully.
Yeah, I am like this too although I've only been away from DS one night since he was born. I've been gone for a few hours during the day without him many times though. I guess that I did miss him when we went overnight but it wasn't like I was stuck on it and all I wanted was to get back home to him. I enjoyed our time away (anniversary trip). And then was excited to see him when I got back.
I have also suffered from depression (but not PPD). I know for me that has nothing to do with how much I miss him or not. I just enjoy my short periods of time away and I know he is in good hands with my family when I'm gone. Depression can certainly make you feel unusual things though. I went through major depression my first trimester and even though we had been trying to get pregnant, I suddenly wished we had never gotten pregnant. I even almost hoped that I would miscarry (awful, I know). After I got back on meds and into the second trimester, I was excited about it again. Now I can't imagine feeling the way I did back then and I love my son so much. Things will get better. Are you on meds or in therapy? They can both really help a lot.
I don't need to tell you that these are very intense feelings. I hope you find some programs that can help with the med coverages. It's crucial you stay on some sort of med. And stopping cold turkey is very dangerous.
In the meantime call the hospital where you delivered or your OB/GYN to see if there's a PPD group for moms in your area. I brought Parker with me a few times because I had no other choice, but it was good to sit there and share with others.
And if your H is having a hard time getting out of the house, you tell him you're getting out. I know you want to sit in your house but if it isn't happening then you walk out the door and find quiet elsewhere.
I would call your doctor and speak with the office manager/billing about this situation- they will be able to help you with programs for affording the meds/samples etc as they know the pharma comp that the drugs come from. I used to work in mental health (doing the accounting end) however I was ALWAYS helping my clients get on programs to dramatically lower the cost of their drugs or get them for free. So definitely START with your doctor- and if you get no where- go to your pharmacy- they often have other suggestions.
you don't need outside family- when your DH gets home simply say, 'hey I need 15 min- I am going to go for a quick walk and unwind- be back' (hell I do that all the time-)
If your DH doesn't take the kiddo out- YOU GO! Go and take yourself to a bookstore and sit and flip through some magazines and books- take a walk, pack some snacks and go to the park for a long walk, go window shopping
I will be the first one to tell you- You have NO CONTROL over the PPD (you can't control having it) HOWEVER you CAN control taking time for yourself. ONLY YOU can do that- you can't wait for someone else to leave. You can LEAVE and take a walk- or go for a nice drive. grab some nail polish and a snack and go to the park and paint your toes and sit out and feel your feet in the grass. Whatever.
Use your DH as a support. When he is home- grab a break and spend some time for yourself. ONLY YOU can control that part.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I never had PPD, though I think at times I was close. And I felt a little trapped by my child at times. I found I had to get out of the house every.single.day - even if just for a walk while baby was sleeping and talk to other adults as much as possible.
I am lucky to have a close group of friends from my childbirth education class, and we met up once a week. Those days were my best days of the week - even if we just talked about the babies I felt much more human and "me" at those times. I'm not sure if you are similarly able to hang out with any other SAHMs with babies in your area, but even chatting to parents at the park is better than nothing.
I agree with PPs that you should investigate getting help for your PPD even though you can't afford your old meds - do everything you can - and also that you should make yourself have "you" time - TELL your DH that you are going for a walk or going to read a book for half an hour and then just do it. He needs to be your support.
And in answer to your question, I don't think I missed my DS for quite some time. Now he is over a year old I actually miss him within 10 minutes of him going for his nap, which is frankly ridiculous, especially if I've spent all morning being frustrated with him! Missing your children, and love for them, definitely grows IMO.
I really hope you get through this time and feel better soon.