I hate bed-sharing!

litzo27 · September 2011

I want to want to co-sleep, I really do. I'm a baby-wearing, EBF mama of 2 (BF my older son till he was 2), make my own baby-food kinda momma. And I feel that that bed-sharing would simplify my life so much - but I just hate it. Couldn't do it with my first son, can't seem to do it with my 2 week old. I'm afraid to change positions with him in bed, I hate giving up my fluffy blankets, I just plain dislike having a baby in my bed. So he is in the crib next to my bed. The problem is that after he nurses (every 2 hours) he wakes up as soon as I try to put him into his crib. So we do the game of rock-crib-rock-crib until I win. This morning desperate I left him in bed with me at 5 am and he blissfully slept the same 2 hours but without the rocking game. But I didn't - cause I hate co-sleeping! I feel so guilty for not wanting it. Any other AP moms never bed-shared?

rae_dylanzmom · September 2011

Co-sleeping means different things to different people.... you have LO in your room with you, and that's what (sort-of) works for you!

I love bed-sharing, but I foresee a day in our future when we can't do it anymore. D moves around so much when he sleeps that he disturbs DH's sleep quite a bit.

2bMrs.Thomas · September 2011

We never bed-shared, it just wasn't for us. DD was/is way to squirmy in her sleep, it never felt safe or comfortable. She sleeps much better in her crib. As PP's said, you have to do what works for you and your LO!

JoannaJes · September 2011

Have you tried something that isn't a crib, like a Rock N Play sleeper? I get what you are saying, I could not stand bed-sharing either. And some little ones just hate lying flat, at least in the beginning.

Harper'smom · September 2011

I couldn't bed share until DD was much older. She actually co-slept in her pack and play bassinet on DH's side of the bed. Between a bad c-section recovery and the fact that I would wake up screaming and kicking thinking she was trapped down by my feet it was too stressful. But, we did bed share a lot later on and still do a lot of bed sharing now. If it doesn't feel right don't force it.

In terms of getting LO back to sleep after a feeding, the tight swaddle outfits with the velcro were our saving grace at that age.

vanfox · September 2011

Like you, I'm a baby-wearer, EBFer, who plans on BLW at 6 months and I never did, other than what you describe, the desperation sleep when DS was under a month old. And that made me too nervous. DS slept in a sidecarred cosleeper in our room which helped when he was nursing lots overnight, but he's in a crib in his own room now. He naps in our bed a lot, but I'll be awake while he does that.

ITGurl0626 · September 2011

I never did any co-sleeping. I know myself & I would never get any sleep. DD has been sleeping in her own crib since 8 weeks old. Before that she was in her PNP in our room.

TiffanyBerry · September 2011

The first few months, we had a cosleeper on the edge of the bed which was REALLY helpful for us. I wasn't comfortable in the bed with her for long stretches until she was MUCH older.

pixieprincss · September 2011

You've got to do what works for your family. That said, what worked for us when LO was in the "wake if you move me phase" was to swaddle him and lay him in the side-carred crib. Then, I would nurse him to sleep on my side or holding myself over him and then I would inch away when he was asleep (sometime replacing my nipple with a pacifier). After a few days of this, he was able to sleep in the side car without the nursing. Whenever he gets back into a phase like that, we go back to that strategy.

sherpa · September 2011

We did co-sleep but it was a difficult transition for me because, like you, I love wrapping up in my blankets and after getting rid of the gigantic belly I was ready to sleep on my stomach with my legs kicked out. That didn't happen for me. DS was not willing to sleep on his own, I could never get him to sleep in the cosleeper thingy next to my bed. I was miserable for the first 6 weeks then finally got use to having DS in bed with me, granted, I had to kick DH out of the bed but it was all I could do to get some sleep. What did you end up doing with your first son? If you know it's not going to work for you then don't force it! I don't think it's a big deal to co-sleep or not, do what works for you.

Jen&Len · September 2011

I love bedsharing in concept and for the 1st 5 minutes. Then I start getting kicked in the face and elbowed in the ribs since neither one of my kids like to sleep parallel to us. Then I find myself muttering in the middle of the night, "move OVER." We do early morning snuggles in bed instead since I have to get up anyway.

Marcilene1 · September 2011

I just posted something similar to this the other day. I also am not crazy about bed sharing. I don't feel guilty about it though. I need to sleep! I tried putting her in her crib last night and she lasted 2.5 hours and then I brought her back to be with me and she woke up every hour wanting to nurse. I will try again tonight and keep trying. I think the stretches are bound to get longer sooner or later. Until then I will just have to hang in there. Maybe you could try the part time bed sharing thing? First stretch on their own and after first waking back in bed with you? Good luck!

pepomntpat · September 2011

I loved bedsharing until 4.5 months...the four month wakeful killed it for me and we transitioned DD to her crib. We all sleep so much better now. I do think it is possible side carring may work for you. You have your own space, but you can still reach out and touch LO for soothing.

litzo27 · September 2011

Thanks so much for all your responses! I feel less guilty now. With DS1 he slept in his crib next to my bed from day 1 as well but I got in a bad "habit" of rocking him to sleep until he was fully asleep every time he woke up. After 8 months of rocking and rocking and rocking through the night we made some changes which worked wonderfully - he moved into his own room, we introduced a lovey and started making the last nursing before bed with lights so he went to bed sleepy. It worked but the memory of those 8 months is so vivid I'm hoping to create better sleep habits from the beginning with this one.

Last night I put him back to the crib after every 2 hour nursing and every time he fussed I put a hand on him through the crib rails and never needed to rock him. He still fussed and grunted a LOT despite having his eyes closed - makes me wonder whether he truly slept - can they fuss for hours never escalating to crying in their sleep?

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