Hello......any words of encouragement?

smw123 · September 2011

Hello Ladies, I was wondering if any of you can give me some words of encouragement. I had PTL with DS at 29 weeks. I was 100% effaced and 4 cm dilated. I'm very grateful that I was able to carry him for another 7 weeks like that. I was on hospital bedrest for 5 weeks then came home for 2 weeks. Now that I am pregnant again I started having contractions at 18 weeks and I got a cerclage at 20 weeks. I was 1 cm dilated and my cervical length was 1.9. A week after the cerclage my cervix was 3.6 and last week it was 3.0. I go in for another internal on Wed. I have been on terb since I got the cerclage and last week I was hospitalized and put on mag for 3 days since the terb wasn't stopping my contractions. I have also been taking Makena injections since week 16. I feel like I am always at the hosptial because I'm having contractions and there are days where I just have a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Today was a good day and I didn't have any contractions and I would feel a lot better if I had more days like this, but they are rare. I am afraid of another long hospital stay because of DS but I am more afraid of having my baby too soon and her not survive. It also doesn't help that at the beginning of my pregnancy I had a dream that I was having a girl but I had her at 24 weeks and she didn't survive. I think that dream is bothering me more than anything since I am approaching my 24th week. I know it is just a dream but I've never had a dream like that. I feel a little better knowing that I got the steriod shot yesterday and today. I wasn't sure if they would be beneficial this early but the on call dr at L&D recommended that I get them since I had the cerclage and was contracting. I would appreciate any advice you can give. I know you ladies have a lot to deal with right now and I just want my baby to survive. I don't care if we have a long NICU stay or long term issues I just want her to live. I would love to make it to my due date or as close to it as possible but right now I just don't know how that is going to happen, it feels like an eternity. My mom keeps reminding me that I'm always positive about everything and this is a time when I need to be positive and I'm trying to but sometimes it's hard since I have days where I keep contracting. My DH keeps telling me he knows in his heart that everything will be fine even if she is born too early and I don't know why it's so hard for me to think the same way. Did anyone else feel this way? Thank you for reading.

JeepersWife · September 2011

Sorry you are having a rough night. It is hard not to let our anxieties get the best of us. If I was in your position, I would be doing a lot of praying! It always helps me to know God is there. I hope your night gets better and that your LO is able to spend a lot longer in your belly and grow!

KristinaIsAGeek · September 2011

I can definitely relate. I was also in that position; trying to be prepared for your baby to come at any time but being terrified of it happening, and just wanting to fast-forward through your pregnancy until you get to the end. It's no way to spend what should be a euphoric time in your life, but your utmost priority is trying to stay as positive as possible (easier said than done).

My cervix started shortening at 27 weeks, and my peri prepared me to deliver at any time. In fact, they kept thinking that LO's arrival was imminent so many times that I got 3 rounds of the steroids (over 9 weeks, 6 shots total!). At my 30-week appointment, my cervix was so short that it was unmeasurable. There was pounds of growing baby sitting on top of an unmeasurable cervix for 5 and a half weeks before I delivered my LO at 35w3d (he was 6lb1oz).

All I can say is that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. It sounds like your doctors are taking amazing care of you, and that's great! Try to stay as optimistic (and distracted) as possible. Take a deep breath. Everything WILL be fine. So many women on this board proved doctors wrong time and time again. They beat the odds and held on longer than anyone thought possible. You can, too. The neonatologists will take fantastic care of your LO, whether it be sooner or later. Be calm and take care of yourself. Your LO needs you to.

Big hugs and I hope LO continues to stay baking away :]

njdcgirl · September 2011

Hang in there mama! It sounds like you are doing everything right for your baby. I know it is impossible not to worry and think about what ifs and try to imagine all possible scenarios. I can't imagine how scared you all. All I can offer you is a glimpse of hope *if* baby decides to come soon. See my siggie - born 23 weeks, 5 days and thriving now at 15 months. Yes, it was a long NICU stay with many ups and downs, but the strength of preemies is amazing. The fact that you got the steroid shots will help too. I sincerely hope the contractions stop and you have many, many more boring weeks of bedrest ahead of you. ((hugs))

PeridotEyes · September 2011

I can't specifically relate b/c when DD came 7w early, we were totally blindsided. I didn't even know I was in labor. I can relate to the extreme worry you have. We're TTC right now and I'm terrified of a similar or more devastating outcome. I don't think mom's can ever relax and trust things will be okay 100% of the time - its important to try but we all have that struggle and have bad days. I agree with a PP .. prayer gave me a lot of comfort and patience during the roughest moments. {{{hugs}}}

lemen99 · September 2011

Hugs!!

I had DS1 at 26w2d (was told he would be here at 24w and thankfully waited 2 weeks) and he was in the NICU for 17 weeks.

DS2 was born at 35w4d. He had NO nicu time Thank you cerclage!!

So I want to tell you that it's definitely possible. My advice, and what helped me, is to keep praying. I truly believed in my heart that we would be term or close to term. I knew it wasn't a sure thing, but believing things would be just fine helped me not to be scared. Otherwise, try to focus your energy on your LO and enjoying your time together but it's harder to get one-on-one time after #2 is born!

T&P!

smw123 · September 2011

Thank you everyone for your kind words. They definitely helped me feel better and thank you for reminding me to pray. I remember praying so much when I was pg with DS. I have been so worried this time that I even forget to pray and I think my lack of prayer is what is making me feel this way. I like coming to this board to read about the success stories of all the preemies on here especially those that were born very early. All your stories give me hope

Thank you for sharing your stories.

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