To stay in or get out...that is the question — The Bump
Military Families

To stay in or get out...that is the question

I'm a lurker but I need to vent for a second and you ladies are the only ones who will understand.

DH has 13 months left on his current contract and we're trying to decide if he's going to stay in or get out (he's been in for 7). We have this conversation almost daily and everyday we change our minds. DH is currently a recruiter and is not enjoying it at all and we're both worried that that will affect his decision. We have gone over all the pros and cons of staying in and getting out and they're pretty equal. Anyways, besides it annoying me not knowing what we're going to do, nobody around me understands how hard it is to make this decision. We're in an area where there aren't any military families so none of our friends understand and to my family it's a no brainer to get out because they want us to move closer to them (which is our plan). It's hard to hear how much they would miss us if we stayed in since we would have to move (we live 3 hours away right now) and how much my kids love being around family. Plus, if DH stays in, he'll most likely deploy mulitple times. To my family, that's reason enough for him to get out. Unfortunately it's not that easy. It's a very tough decision for many reasons and I can't get anyone to understand that.

I don't know if any of this made sense, but I just needed to vent to some people who would understand where I'm coming from. Thanks for letting me get this out!

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Re: To stay in or get out...that is the question

  • does he have a job or promise of a job when he gets out. That would be the deciding factor for me. The economy sucks but if he can secure a job i would say get out. When i was pregnant my husband was considering getting out and he has been in 16 years. He just no longer wants to be apart from me and any babies we may have.

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  • He doesn't have a job offer but he wants to go to school. I currently stay at home so I would have to go back to work at least part time. He doesn't want to be away from us anymore than he has to either and that's one of the things on our list of pros and cons. Right now our biggest hang up is the no job thing. We could support ourselves but it would be hard for the next four years while he was in school.
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  • A tour in USAREC is enough to destroy any dedicated Soldier's love for the Army.  With that being said, what are his plans should he get out?  He needs to basically evaluate this like he is an app.  I hated my time on recruiting, but I made it through, did rather well ((without compromising my integrity thank you)) and have been able to reap benefits of it.  There is more to life than recruiting.  He actually could do career counselor ((601-280, app B for criteria)) or go back to the line.  It took me a while to shake of the after effects of USAREC. Hang in there, don't pitch it because of that place.
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  • I know that the FAR OFF future is hard to envision, especially when one hates the present...but I firmly Believe in going the 20 year distance. Between the "pension" (yes, they are looking to change it, but any changes will be grandfathered) and TRICARE For Life, which includes the Pharmacy program, the positives for your retirement years most assuredly outweigh the current negatives.


    And it doesn't just affect your DH, but you too. When you are 65, TRICARE will pick up the 20% that Medicare does not, say in Cancer treatments or extreme Rheumetoid Arthritis. And instead of worrying about having to come up with $2000ish dollars when you reach the Medicare Part D donut hole.

    And of course your children will have TRICARE until they are 26. Can you imagine only having a yearly out of pocket cost of $2000 as a 23 year old?

    I used to work as a patient advocate and while TRICARE has a butt pad of red tape, though I have had more issues with Kaiser, the overall feeling of security that the Retirees feel is enough for me.

  • My DH and I are questioning whether to get out or not as well, but our situation is a little different. He has a job secured, but we have 4 more years until his enlistment is up. If i were you i would NOT get out until one of you has a job secured that will be able to support your family.
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  • Let me share our story if you dont mind. My husband was enlisted and in security forces for 6 years. During that time he took advantage of the GI bill and went to school and go this masters. I was pregnant with our 1st when it came time to get out or re-up. I wanted out because I didn't know any better and wanted to be with family. We got out and moved back to California. We were on terminal leave so we had some money coming in. Mind you, 6 years military and a masters and my husband could NOT find a job. This was 7 years ago!! Before we moved to that duty station I was a probation officer in California so 5 weeks PP I went back to work because we pretty much had no choice. It took my husband 8 months to get hired on with me at the jail. We had to work 'round the clock just to make it. He was working graveyards and we'd pass the baby at the gate and I'd work days. ALSO we had no health care ect......I realized what we had in the military and decided we needed to get back in ASAP. He also wanted back in so he commissioned and went back in. SInce we were only out for about 9 months our time out didn't really count. We've now been in for 13 years and couldn't be happier.

    Coming from me who has been there and done that I suggest to you that if your husband wants to go to school that he stay in and take advantage of the fact that the military will pay for it and have him try to cross train.

    Good luck on whatever decision you make!!!

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  • Thank you everyone for your advice! We still haven't made a decision yet but we're both leaning towards him staying in even though we would both love to get out and move closer to family. Right now, the risk isn't worth the reward.
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  • Its a tough decision. My DH was leaning towards getting out after 6. He hated his base and his job. We were lucky because he was offered his number 1 place on his dream sheet. I supported his decision to get out but I told him if he decided to take the offer and stay in I expected him to stay in. Whats another 10 years to get the retirement. Plus, I was recently told that I was considered infertile. I have to go see a specialist. I got the referral bill in the mail (its just a run down, we dont pay a dime) 8 different things that I have to go through and they are all $1200 and up. Theres no way we could pull that off right now if we didnt have this medical coverage.
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  • Does your DH have a degree?  The economy isn't great, so if he doesn't have a degree he might have a hard time finding a job out there.

    Also, since Obama wants to take away the retirement package, there's really no reason to stay in.  The 401k plan isn't going to be anything compared to what your DH would have received from the original retirement package.  And unfortunately, it's going to happen maybe not today or during this term, but I guarantee there won't be a retirement plan in place in 5 years.  The gov't can't keep dishing out money to pay people for their years in service, we are broke!

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