Well, the bad, the worse and the inappropriate (long)

Rawr08 · September 2011

I just finished my journey to the RE. First off, I want to thank EntropicEpona for meeting me afterword, otherwise I may have gone off the deep end.

So let us start with the bad. DH did not go with me to my appointment because I was meeting Entropic and he really wasn't down with pedicures, well Dr. did not like that I was solo. I smoke, and I need to stop. Ok, not so bad right? I knew that was coming, every Dr. will tell me to stop smoking, well it's reasons like what I am about to say (type) that make me smoke.

The worse, I'm fat. Well, again, I knew that was coming. I can see myself, I know I am fat. The Dr. told me I need to lose some weight. Ok, not so bad right? I know I need to lose weight, every Dr. will tell me to. Well it's reason like what I am about to say (type) that turn me into an emotional eater.

The inappropriate. The better half of my hour appointment was spent belittling me. Not only was I told I am fat, I was also told: How fat I am, How awful it would be for me to get pregnant at this weight, How much shorter my life is going to be because of my weight, How he is hesitant to do ANY testing because of my weight, That he WILL NOT preform IVF (not even an option for us, but do you think he took the time to ask me) on me because of my weight and How surgery or "medical intervention" is the only way I will be able to lose the weight.

I tried so hard not to cry. I had mentally prepared myself for this appointment, I was going to have on my strong face. Well after about 20 mins of weight talk I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. Well Dr thought the answer to this was to give me a pamphlet for another Dr who can preform bariatric surgery on me. (My guess is they have hooked up and they are getting some sort of bonus to refer people...) Dr went on to say I should lose 50 lbs before we go any further with my treatment. By this point my skin is crawling and all I want to do is get the fvck out of his office. Oh, no, no, no - I have to stop and talk with the financial lady. I told Dr I already talked to the lady, I already know what my insurance covers and doesn't cover. BUT he makes me do it any way.

Red eyed and still crying I have to sit and talk to this lady about testing that isn't going to be done on me until I lose 50+ lbs. FINALLY I get to leave, but I stop in the bathroom to pee and cry a little more. I am so close to the door, my hands are touching the handle to get me to fvck outta there, and then I hear a nurse calling my name. FVCK! JUST LET ME LEAVE!

"Can I get your vitals and take your picture for our records?" Are you fvcking kidding me!? So off I go to have my blood pressure taken (it was high, go figure) and my temp done. Then the b!tch wants me to get on a scale, fvck me. AND NOW the picture. I looked fantastic. Ok, that is over with, I can leave. NOPE. DR comes back in to tell me he just noticed I am taking Alprazolam (Xanax) and it is not a good idea if I get pregnant (because that can still happen, he reassured me). I wanted to punch him in the face.

I will never go back to that practice. There will be letter writing and phone calling involved. I have no idea what our next step will be. I am so sorry this is so long, but I really do not have anyone else to talk to. WWYD?

johnnys june · September 2011

wickedsugar:
OMFG ..... I am speechless, utterly speechless, I am so ANGRY for you !!

THIS!

I am so so so sorry, hun! You, nor any other person, should ever have to deal with someone so rude! *huge hugs*

EntropicEpona · September 2011

Yeah, I know we already discussed this, but that is completely NOT the type of visit I thought you'd have. Not at all. I'm suspicious that this is a lot of crap caused by the merger with the larger clinic, but I'm really, really, REALLY disappointed in how you were treated. Especially by a doctor who I had the complete opposite experience with.

I'm sending my nurse there an e-mail asking if policies have changed, so I'll let you know what she says.

I'm so sorry Rawr. Sad

CashewsMommy · September 2011

I am so *** angry for you. You have a FB message.

Missa_g · September 2011

I am livid for you! That is completely inappropriate and ridiculous! I am in shock that any doctor, let alone someone more used to dealing with sensitive topics, would treat someone that way. I am so sorry you had this experience!

lavril · September 2011

O......M.......G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an a$$hat! I am so sorry you had to deal with that - and being alone probably made it even worse. No one should ever be treated like that. UGH, I am so sorry and angry for you!

cutebride73 · September 2011

That is absolutely ridiculous!!! I can't believe they treated you that way - I feel so terrible for you. What an awful experience. I hope you can find another dr or practice that will work with you and treat you with respect. Shame on that RE!!!

butterfly843 · September 2011

I'm so sorry to hear what an idiot that dr was. Sending hugs, I hope you find another RE who is amazing.

EclairAngst · September 2011

O. M. G.

OMG OMG OMG!!!!

Please send me this "doctor's" contact information. I would like to share some words with him. Seriously.

I can't even tell you how angry I am at this douche bag. I am SO SO SO sorry you went through all that. Totally wrong and unprofessional and... UGH!!! I'm so mad!!!

AGGGHHH!!!

millejj1 · September 2011

Oh my goodness Rawr! I'm so sorry. If I could go there and throat-punch that RE I would. That is absolutely unacceptable behavior and no way should they be allowed to treat anyone like that.

Big hugs honey.

Carolee · September 2011

O. M. G. I am literally speechless after reading that. I cannot believe that a medical professional acted like that to you. That is disgusting, and I am SO, SO sorry you had to go through that. I am LIVID for you!!!!! Sending you tons of (((HUGS))). I really am so sorry you were treated that way. Completely uncalled for and unprofessional. Angry

noah-bear · September 2011

I am so incredibly sorry they did that to you. I

you bunches. I don't have any advice or anything, just lots of love and hugs.

lunatwo · September 2011

Wow. So bad. There not much more to say than what the others have already said. Horrific.

Cissi64 · September 2011

I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I hate it when they harp on weight. It can affect your fertility (but not always). If you make get to the point you have to see an RE you already know you have problems. There are much gentler ways to encourage someone to lose weight. This guy need some serious retraining in the "bedside manner" department ( H3ll,in the "acting like a human being" department, too. I wish I could kick him for you!

MandaS08 · September 2011

PetraStonegirl:

wickedsugar:
OMFG ..... I am speechless, utterly speechless, I am so ANGRY for you !!

Oh, this.

I am just gutted for you. This is terrible, and I can't believe what an insensitive asshat that guy was.

Please, please don't give up. Find an different RE to give you a second opinion. Call and talk to that new doctor's nurse before making the appointment to make sure that they will work with obese patients and not just send them away to drop 50 lbs before they'll even run any tests.

This is completely unacceptable and rather inhumane treatment. I just don't think it's right to treat another human being like that.

You have my hugs and support. I hope you find a doctor worthy of you, and who is willing to help.

This-I am so sorry you had to go through this, with such an uncaring doctor. But please don't give up, and feel like all doctors are like this!

liesam · September 2011

Are you fvcking kidding me?! He had no right to say/do any of that to you! I am so angry for you right now that I'm shaking. I'd report him. ((big hugs)) for you. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

stillbaking · September 2011

*lurky loo butting in*

RAWR - I am so sorry for how you were treated by this doctor and so ANGRY for you as well. As another large lady, I know full well how the medical profession can be so blind and prejudiced against large women. After my first miscarriage my Reproductive Endo talked to me about how losing weight would only be beneficial and discussed diet and exercise options. I mentioned that I was training to walk a half marathon when I got pregnant and was regularly active and ate a healthful diet 80% of the time and that was good enough for him. He's made a few more comments about my weight since, but always in a gentle manner that is more "just do what you can" and has never once said he won't treat me. I'm so upset that this doctor treated you this way.

Unfortunately my experience with my endocrinologist for my thyroid issues was awful. Just before my pregnancy was discovered, we found out I was hyperthyroid. This likely contributed to both my losses, but was mostly ignored by the endocrinologist after my first loss. I saw her to discuss what to do about the hyperthyroidism, instead she wanted to talk about my inability to lose weight, and recommended gastric bypass and when I didn't jump at that she said my thyroid levels were fine and she didn't need to see me for a year. Both my GP and RE were shocked, and my GP decided to monitor my thyroid levels monthly on her own. Good thing too, because they remained high and skyrocketed when I got pregnant a second time. When I saw the endo during that pregnancy she put me on meds, told me it was amazing I got pregnant given my thyroid levels were so high, and said she'd follow up in a month. I lost the baby a week or so later, had a horrible reaction to the medication and gained 15lbs in 3 weeks. When I went in for my follow up the weight gain was dismissed as being 'emotional eating' (BS - a few pounds sure. 15?! not so much) and it actually took me pointing out on my bloodwork that it showed my liver was in distress and my thyroid hormones were so low as to be considered barely functional. Finally she's started taking me seriously, but I have to wonder if the second miscarriage could have been prevented if I'd had proper treatment between the pregnancies.

Big hugs. I'm so sorry you went through this and I hope you can find a practice that will take you and your health seriously and not just chalk everything up to weight. While it is true that weight loss can help in many aspects of health, it is not true that every fat woman is unhealthy and I've had friends larger than me carry pregnancies without issue.

You know where to find me if you want to talk more.

buckeyebaby814 · September 2011

**picks jaw up off floor**

I can not believe that doctor! What an @$s! I am so sorry you had to put up with that. Doctors are there to help you achieve goals (health, fertility, etc)- so no shame on him stating some facts- however, sounds like he has 0 tact and bedside manner when it comes to explaining facts and best increasing your chances. I'm so sorry that it went that way. ::HUGS::