Stop Complaining!! (NTTGPR Vent)

mrsj0423 · September 2011

6 Weeks ago my MIL found out that her stage 3 breast cancer cannot be found anywhere in her body! Great news! This was just as she finished up 6 months of chemo. She is now 1 week away from finishing the targeted radiation that was part of her original treatment plan. But every time we see her, all she does is complain about having to go to radiation every day, which is 30 mins away. Then the other day I mentioned that it must feel great to only have a week left of treatment. She was like "Yeah, except that i'll still have to see my Dr every few months for checkups, and that will be a big pain in the butt. And that's a half hour away too". I felt like saying "Ummmm...You are in total remission from stage 3 cancer! STOP COMPLAINING!!!" Am I being unreasonable here? I just can't imagine complaining about such minute things after being cleared from cancer. End vent, thanks

JHunt28 · September 2011

That is great news about your MIL. My MIL also beat breast cancer. My MIL was also the same way with the complaining...but I just let it roll off my back. I just chalked it up as she was just getting grumpy because her radiation made her sick and tired after.

Just smile and be there for her...In a few months you will not have to hear about it any more!! Good luck to her!

mrsj0423 · September 2011

JHunt28:

That is great news about your MIL. My MIL also beat breast cancer. My MIL was also the same way with the complaining...but I just let it roll off my back. I just chalked it up as she was just getting grumpy because her radiation made her sick and tired after.

Just smile and be there for her...In a few months you will not have to hear about it any more!! Good luck to her!

Thanks. And I am sorry to hear about your MIL, but it sounds like she is getting well too! Yeah, I know the most important thing is to be there for her, and we all are. My MIL and FIL are big ole grumps anyway, but maybe when this whole thing is over, that will change. Best fo luck to you!

LLS1215 · September 2011

I have patients that come in for lab work and they drive about 30 minutes to get to our hospital. Sometimes they're depending on their Dr to fax us the orders for their tests but unfortunately the Dr offices don't always send the orders on time or we just may not get the fax etc. When we have to turn people away because we don't have orders I do feel bad especially when they got up early and drove 30 minutes to get to our hospital. (Especially the older ones) So I can understand her point about it being a pain in the butt.

In her case though, I wouldn't want to hear complaining after being in remission either. If it were me and I was in remission, I would be thankful that I only had to drive a little out the way to live. If that's the least of her worries I would say she's doing pretty good.

Just keep in mind, after going through such treatments it does take a toll on a person so maybe just have a little sympathy for her and when she complains just try to give her something else to focus on. Tell her something like, "At least you have your health back". (maybe?)

liz4paws · September 2011

My mom has Stage 4 Cancer and is currently undergoing chemo. She says it's incredibly hard, and I can't even begin to understand what she is going through. I cut her as much slack as she wants for complaining about it, but inside it really upsets me to hear her complain about what I see as non-important things (such as how it affects her work schedule.) But it's an upheaval of her life, and the fact it also affects her work is representative of that.

Also, recognize that it really takes a toll on a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. I hope your MIL makes a full recovery, but my advice would be just to listen and be there for her as much as you can because hopefully you will never have to know what it's like to be where she's been. Even after her body heals, she will probably have remaining emotions to work out. I wish your family the best of luck.

liz4paws · September 2011

LLS1215:

I have patients that come in for lab work and they drive about 30 minutes to get to our hospital. Sometimes they're depending on their Dr to fax us the orders for their tests but unfortunately the Dr offices don't always send the orders on time or we just may not get the fax etc. When we have to turn people away because we don't have orders I do feel bad especially when they got up early and drove 30 minutes to get to our hospital. (Especially the older ones) So I can understand her point about it being a pain in the butt.

In her case though, I wouldn't want to hear complaining after being in remission either. If it were me and I was in remission, I would be thankful that I only had to drive a little out the way to live. If that's the least of her worries I would say she's doing pretty good.

Just keep in mind, after going through such treatments it does take a toll on a person so maybe just have a little sympathy for her and when she complains just try to give her something else to focus on. Tell her something like, "At least you have your health back". (maybe?)

LLS1215, I swear I'm not picking on you today. But there is no way any of us know "how we would be while in remission." I have seen cancer up close and personal in more than one family member. And I assure you, it's different to see a close family member endure the monster that cancer is. I have seen loved ones fight who once said "just shoot me if I ever get cancer." We think we know how we would be when faced with the big C word, but I promise you, we do not.

OP I reiterate that in my opinion and experience, the best thing you can do is listen to be there emotionally for her - no matter what her gripes are. This is not the time for her to feel judged.

mrsj0423 · September 2011

liz4paws:
LLS1215:

I have patients that come in for lab work and they drive about 30 minutes to get to our hospital. Sometimes they're depending on their Dr to fax us the orders for their tests but unfortunately the Dr offices don't always send the orders on time or we just may not get the fax etc. When we have to turn people away because we don't have orders I do feel bad especially when they got up early and drove 30 minutes to get to our hospital. (Especially the older ones) So I can understand her point about it being a pain in the butt.

In her case though, I wouldn't want to hear complaining after being in remission either. If it were me and I was in remission, I would be thankful that I only had to drive a little out the way to live. If that's the least of her worries I would say she's doing pretty good.

Just keep in mind, after going through such treatments it does take a toll on a person so maybe just have a little sympathy for her and when she complains just try to give her something else to focus on. Tell her something like, "At least you have your health back". (maybe?)

LLS1215, I swear I'm not picking on you today. But there is no way any of us know "how we would be while in remission." I have seen cancer up close and personal in more than one family member. And I assure you, it's different to see a close family member endure the monster that cancer is. I have seen loved ones fight who once said "just shoot me if I ever get cancer." We think we know how we would be when faced with the big C word, but I promise you, we do not.

OP I reiterate that in my opinion and experience, the best thing you can do is listen to be there emotionally for her - no matter what her gripes are. This is not the time for her to feel judged.

You are all right. I know that being there for her is the best thing we can do. And hopefully, when she is all done with treatment, she will sing a happier tune. Thanks everyone

DanielleZZ · September 2011

That's great that she is doing better and how you feel is totally understandable. Fighting the cancer probably became such a big part of her life that now she doesn't know what to do to move on, so she is still dwelling on it and acting as if it is just as annoying as before. Give her time she will begin to deal and figure out how to live her life "normally" again.

mrsj0423 · September 2011

liz4paws:

My mom has Stage 4 Cancer and is currently undergoing chemo. She says it's incredibly hard, and I can't even begin to understand what she is going through. I cut her as much slack as she wants for complaining about it, but inside it really upsets me to hear her complain about what I see as non-important things (such as how it affects her work schedule.) But it's an upheaval of her life, and the fact it also affects her work is representative of that.

Also, recognize that it really takes a toll on a person physically, mentally, and emotionally. I hope your MIL makes a full recovery, but my advice would be just to listen and be there for her as much as you can because hopefully you will never have to know what it's like to be where she's been. Even after her body heals, she will probably have remaining emotions to work out. I wish your family the best of luck.

Just wanted to add that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. ;-)

Sandy8168 · September 2011

As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.

mrsj0423 · September 2011

Sandy8168:
As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.

It's great that you are a survivor! Please don't misunderstand me, I am always there for my MIL, and always will be. It's just a little saddening to MH and I that she has been blessed with total remission but still complains about little things that, in the scheme of things, really don't matter. That is all I meant and I hope not have offended you in any way, I was just venting.

MySweetBaboo · September 2011

Sandy8168:
As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.

Very well said. My only thing to add is THANK GOD SHE IS HERE TO COMPLAIN!!

Kathy4678 · September 2011

Sandy8168:
As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.

I agree. Cancer sucks- and quite honestly- she has ever right to complain.

Sandy8168 · September 2011

Kathy4678:
Sandy8168:
As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.
I agree. Cancer sucks- and quite honestly- she has ever right to complain.

On my iPad. ::::Insert thumbs up here.::::

LLS1215 · September 2011

liz4paws:

LLS1215, I swear I'm not picking on you today. But there is no way any of us know "how we would be while in remission." I have seen cancer up close and personal in more than one family member. And I assure you, it's different to see a close family member endure the monster that cancer is. I have seen loved ones fight who once said "just shoot me if I ever get cancer." We think we know how we would be when faced with the big C word, but I promise you, we do not.

OP I reiterate that in my opinion and experience, the best thing you can do is listen to be there emotionally for her - no matter what her gripes are. This is not the time for her to feel judged.

I understand. I don't feel picked on. I hope I never have to know what it's like to go through cancer. We have several patients who frequent the ER because they have whatever type of cancer and are in so much pain. Just seeing them like that, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. I was just offering what I thought would be the case. I think I would appreciate being alive rather than worried about driving.

Sandy8168 · September 2011

MySweetBaboo:
Sandy8168:
As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.
Very well said. My only thing to add is THANK GOD SHE IS HERE TO COMPLAIN!!

Thumbs up to this as well. The time will come as PP suggested that she will shift to a "thank (whatever higher power she believes in) that I'm still alive." For now, she's only 6 months out from her diagnosis and she's entitled to complain. Again, another round of applause for my supportive family who have never even shown me once ounce of annoyance with all my complaining. Although, I've supported a mother and grandmother who are cancer survivors as well. I am clearly coming from a different perspective. "Be kinder that necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

mrsj0423 · September 2011

Sandy8168:
MySweetBaboo:
Sandy8168:
As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.
Very well said. My only thing to add is THANK GOD SHE IS HERE TO COMPLAIN!!
Thumbs up to this as well. The time will come as PP suggested that she will shift to a "thank (whatever higher power she believes in) that I'm still alive." For now, she's only 6 months out from her diagnosis and she's entitled to complain. Again, another round of applause for my supportive family who have never even shown me once ounce of annoyance with all my complaining. Although, I've supported a mother and grandmother who are cancer survivors as well. I am clearly coming from a different perspective. "Be kinder that necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

Let me just say that MH and I don't find the complaining annoying, it just makes us sad that even with her great news and remission, she is still very negative about it all. We thought that she would be thrilled to be cancer free and getting more enjoyment out of life than she has in a while. That is all I was saying

cgwell02 · September 2011

LLS1215:

liz4paws:

LLS1215, I swear I'm not picking on you today. But there is no way any of us know "how we would be while in remission." I have seen cancer up close and personal in more than one family member. And I assure you, it's different to see a close family member endure the monster that cancer is. I have seen loved ones fight who once said "just shoot me if I ever get cancer." We think we know how we would be when faced with the big C word, but I promise you, we do not.

OP I reiterate that in my opinion and experience, the best thing you can do is listen to be there emotionally for her - no matter what her gripes are. This is not the time for her to feel judged.

I understand. I don't feel picked on. I hope I never have to know what it's like to go through cancer. We have several patients who frequent the ER because they have whatever type of cancer and are in so much pain. Just seeing them like that, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. I was just offering what I thought would be the case. I think I would appreciate being alive rather than worried about driving.

WOW. I am sure your MIL does feel very appreciative to be alive and in remission. I think it's way harsh for you to suggest otherwise, especially when you have never been in her shoes. Just because she beat cancer doesn't mean she has to stop being a normal human being. People complain about little stuff all the time, sick or not. I don't think you forfiet the right to complain because you got, and beat, cancer. Everyone is entitled to "sweat the small stuff" now and again. If anything you should be thankful she is there to complain. She shouldn't be held to a higher standard of what's acceptable to complain about just because she is a cancer survivor.

Also, I think I would rather have my loved one be alive and complaining about "small things" than be the person complaining about a cancer survivor's percieved appreciation of life. Sheesh.

LLS1215 · September 2011

cgwell02:
LLS1215:

I understand. I don't feel picked on. I hope I never have to know what it's like to go through cancer. We have several patients who frequent the ER because they have whatever type of cancer and are in so much pain. Just seeing them like that, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. I was just offering what I thought would be the case. I think I would appreciate being alive rather than worried about driving.

WOW. I am sure your MIL does feel very appreciative to be alive and in remission. I think it's way harsh for you to suggest otherwise, especially when you have never been in her shoes. Just because she beat cancer doesn't mean she has to stop being a normal human being. People complain about little stuff all the time, sick or not. I don't think you forfiet the right to complain because you got, and beat, cancer. Everyone is entitled to "sweat the small stuff" now and again. If anything you should be thankful she is there to complain. She shouldn't be held to a higher standard of what's acceptable to complain about just because she is a cancer survivor.

Also, I think I would rather have my loved one be alive and complaining about "small things" than be the person complaining about a cancer survivor's percieved appreciation of life. Sheesh.

This was not my post. It's not my MIL. I was just explaing a PP I put in response to the OP. I would be very grateful if I had a family member survive cancer. In fact, my grandfather survived a serious blood disorder that we though was going to kill him. While it's not cancer, it's hard to imagine what a person goes through when their body starts to attack itself. I think cancer and disease/illness is a hard pill for anyone to swallow. People who are sick are allowed to be upset and complain.

Piggilywiggily · September 2011

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ILL. GET OVER YOURSELF AND HAVE A LITTLE EMPATHY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD Indifferent

Piggilywiggily · September 2011

Sandy8168:
As a cancer survivor myself, yes, you are being unreasonable. While I believe that it is important to have a positive attitude, you can never understand what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer until you have been there yourself. Just like with everything else in life. I know how hard it is to deal with people who are always negative but the only thing you can control is how you react. I'm thankful I've had much more empathetic people in my life to help me on my journey.

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