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PL'd other than poo- I know, I know....

m_and_mm_and_m
in Potty Training

Yeah, yeah, it's a common issue/topic. Wink My DD had other issues that ended up causing her to cease poopcidents long before pee, so this is all new to me.

 

The little guy I nanny has been potty learned since about mid-May (was using prior to that, but not consistently), but he's had the usual issue of not wanting to poo in the potty. He'll sit on the potty for a long time if you catch him before an accident, but he will. not. poo. on the potty.

Now, I never put anything on him but underpants and neither does preschool (he's only there 9 hours a week, with me another 40 hours), but his parents do put diapers on him when he needs to poo. He has occasional accidents in his underpants, but 90% of the time he waits until he gets home and his parents will put a diaper on him when he asks/acts like he has to poo.

He knows he is supposed to poo in the potty, he'll say it until the cows come home. He obviously has the control in holding it, but if he's on the toilet he says "it's not coming out". He's never expressed any fear or trepidation with pooping on the potty, although there is obviously something holding him back.

IMO, his parents are teaching him to use a diaper instead of the potty because 1) they don't know what else to do and 2) they don't want to deal with the mess of poopcidents in underpants. If I present them with a specific plan/ideas they will likely go along with it but if I just say "You need to stop putting a diaper on him" they won't do anything different because they don't take a lot of initiative with this sort of thing. 

I tried the gradual sit on potty in diaper/put diaper across potty opening/put diaper across bottom of potty/poo straight in the potty route, but he won't even poop sitting down on the toilet with a diaper on. We've also used both a freestanding potty and a potty insert. The kids use them interchangeably with no issue. I've asked his parents what he does when he poops (hide? squat? dance a jig?) but they said they have no idea. Hmm If I had an idea of what makes him "comfortable" maybe I could work with it, KWIM?

So.... What do you do to get the message across? How do you get them to eventually do what they need to do? Tips, tricks, anything?? I just don't see it getting better by waiting it out, because of the home-diaper issue.

 

ETA: He will be 3 the first week of October

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Re: PL'd other than poo- I know, I know....

  • *LrCg**LrCg* member
    For whatever reason, some kids are scared to poop.  When PT is something new they are not 100% relaxed so they can't poop so they hold it and it gets bigger so then they have to release and guess what- its a big poop and it hurts.  What I would suggest to the parents is ditch the diapers/pullups- your sending the wrong message: in one way your saying keep your underwear dry unless its to go poop.  I would suggest they up his fiber: either with Quaker Oats High Fiber Oatmeal (daily), Fiber Gummies or even Miralax.  Just remember you can't do it one day and skip another -you have to keep doing it until the child is comfortable then slowly wean it off.  Obviously these are things the parents need to do and I'm not sure why they aren't taking a bigger step/concern in it.  I feel sorry for that child.
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  • RobynKRobynK member

    I'm sorry but you are the nanny, not the parent.  If they don't want to put him in underwear then it's their decision.

    FWIW - my daughter has been peeing on the potty since May.  She refuses to poop on the potty and will go in her pants whether she's in underwear or diapers.  She doesn't care as long as it's not the toilet.  Not wearing a diaper does not mean the kid you watch will poop on the toilet.

    As far as not knowing what the kid does when he poops -- my daughter doesn't have a sure sign either so don't go making that face.  She'll poop while running, while sleeping, eating, hiding, playing, reading -- she doesn't care. 

    Sorry, but your post is coming across as seriously rude towards the parents and it's totally rubbed me the wrong way.  Every kid is different so please don't think you have all of the right answers and that the parents are in the wrong.

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • m_and_mm_and_m
    *LrCg* - Thank you! We talked about the fiber thing earlier this week, so fingers crossed that it helps. I'm going to start pushing more fiber rich foods as well. I recommended they look into a supplement called Baby Calms as well; our pediatric gastro suggested it for DD when she had problems several years ago and it made a WORLD of difference. Their son sees the same specialist, so I suggested they discuss it with her.

    imageRobynK:
    I'm sorry but you are the nanny, not the parent. ?If they don't want to put him in underwear then it's their decision.
    I'm sorry I didn't post a copy of my employment contract, the one that details my job description. It includes: toileting, manners, personal hygiene, grooming skills, and many other things. They have chosen me to help raise their children (because yes, that's what I'm helping them do) which means I make small decisions for the kids during the week (where to go each day, what projects to do, the food they eat) and together we make big decisions that affect their time with me. Potty learning is one of them. It was my suggestion, but not my decision. I give them my input, discuss it further if they want to (they always do, no matter what it is- as I said, they do not take much initiative and prefer to wait until I bring something up). When we agree on something together then they do things that sabotage it, then I cannot do my job and properly meet the needs of the kids.?
    imageRobynK:
    FWIW - my daughter has been peeing on the potty since May. ?She refuses to poop on the potty and will go in her pants whether she's in underwear or diapers. ?She doesn't care as long as it's not the toilet. ?Not wearing a diaper does not mean the kid you watch will poop on the toilet.
    No kidding. It's not the diaper itself that's the problem, it's the mixed message. He's learning/learned that you pee in the potty but you poop in a diaper. Putting him in a diaper when he asks only reinforces that. They/I tell him one thing, but their actions say something different, and it's very confusing to him.?
    imageRobynK:
    As far as not knowing what the kid does when he poops -- my daughter doesn't have a sure sign either so don't go making that face. ?She'll poop while running, while sleeping, eating, hiding, playing, reading -- she doesn't care.?
    Not all kids do have a sure sign, but when I asked they were completely clueless that he even *could* be doing something like hiding behind the couch or holding a favorite toy. I give the side-eye to that because it's part of a common theme- they do nothing to educate themselves about what is normal or expected at various ages and stages. ?
    imageRobynK:
    Sorry, but your post is coming across as seriously rude towards the parents and it's totally rubbed me the wrong way. ?Every kid is different so please don't think you have all of the right answers and that the parents are in the wrong.
    If I thought I had all the answers I wouldn't be asking for advice here, would I? I'm sorry you have some issues that caused you to read into my post what wasn't there.

    I've been with them since he was an infant; they moved into my neighborhood to be more convenient to my house, and to hopefully have the kids zoned for the same schools- how else was I going to be able to pick up my daughter and their kids after class every day?
    I was the first person they called to meet their new baby (After parents and hospital staff, I was the first person to hold her. My daughter was the second.) They ask me for input and assistance with certain decisions because they trust me, even for things that don't have any effect on my time with the kids. I don't "watch" them. I'm not just the person that feeds the kids and takes them to the park, I'm as much a part of their family as their kids are a part of mine. I'm asking for input here because *I* *don't* *know* how to help him, and neither do they. If I tell them "XYZ isn't working very well" they won't make any changes but if I say "XYZ isn't working, but ABC works for some kids so what do you think about giving it a shot?" then they'll do something different. I don't understand it, but I do my best to work with it.
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