I miss my baby....(death mentioned)

SCSmithbride · September 2011

It's been 2.5 yrs since I had my son 20 weeks early. Seeing all the women leaving my BMB because of recent 12-14 wk appts were the baby stopped growing. It has already been a worry, but even if I make it past that I'm stunned right now because I keep thinking of holding my little boy and watching him try so hard to breath and know there was not a thing I could do for him. And I just don't know if I could make it passed that point if I had to do it again.

I'm just sad and at a loss right now and hate that I'm thinking of all of this at work. Sad

Sorry for this.....

NY-allie · September 2011

<Hugs> hopefully you'll never have to experience that again, although the pain never goes away.

Eris-Alexis · September 2011

((Big HUGS)) Don't be sorry. We are here for you when you need us, and we all have days like this. I hope you don't ever have to experience that again.

pottermommy · September 2011

Do not feel bad for posting this. I posted a similar one the other day. You are still grieving and it is normal. I wish you didn't have to have that sad memory, but sometimes I find myself devestated by the memory and the everlasting feeling of her in my arms that last time. But other times I am glad that I remember it.

Just remember that you are so sad and miss him because of how much you still love him and no matter what you love this amazing little baby that you have right now. No matter what happens.

I hate that you are dealing with this at work though, if I could wrap my arms around you I would, but I hope you feel these *hugs* just as much as you feel that memory.

I will be thinking of you and both of your precious babies.

williams4me · September 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss, big (((hugs))) to you.

easjer05 · September 2011

No apologies. Of course you miss your son. I do too (also born 19 weeks early, alive). Pregnancy after any loss is hard, but pregnancy after a loss like that has its own special challenges. We know all these standard things that can go wrong, but we also know that making it past x point or y point is no guarantee of anything.

Mama, you can make it through again if you have to, because you've done it before and you know that you are a strong woman, and that it won't hurt like it did in the beginning forever. But I will hope with all my heart that you do not have to worry over that, because this child will be born on time and healthy. I hope that for you and for me.

Never apologize for being sad or missing your son - you do that because you loved and continue to love him, and that is what brings meaning to his short life.

GPickles · September 2011

((big hugs)) Being pgal is tough and the ladies here all understand.

butterflynola · September 2011

((Hugs)) pgal is such a scary and emotional thing. While none of us want to relive our losses it's hard to not fear that they will happen again, we just hope and pray that it's different and that we all get a healthy baby at the end of this. So sorry you're sad. Hang in there ?

jertie · September 2011

Oh - I'm so sorry. I know that you would have moved heaven and earth for your son to help him. And the images of his loss are completely burned on your memory forever. I don't know why these thoughts and feelings come up - sometimes they're prompted by anniversaries or hearing about other peoples losses - but most of the time they just happen out of the blue.

I know it's incredibly painful and it feels so real while you're reliving it. I've tried to be philosophical about it - and tell myself that it hurts so bad because I loved him so much. Then, I try to think of the good things - the time that I had with him, the things that made him wiggle around - like he favorite foods (nachos and smoothies), his sweet little face, his toes - all of those things are burned on my memory too and I'm happy for the short time that I got to spend with him. I really am so, so sorry sweetie. (((BIG BIG HUGS)))

Oatoa · September 2011

I wish there was something I could do to make the hurt stop or the worry go away. All I can say is that we understand and feel free to post your feelings here anytime.

Big hugs to you along with my thoughts and prayers.

clarks415 · September 2011

((HUGS)) I can only imagine the anxiety and sadness you are coping with. T&P are with you. I am nervous for my 14 wk appt...

DragonflyBelle · September 2011

I can still feel the weight of Cailin in my arms (12 wks early, stillbirth) and the many babies born since that I have held don't take that yearning to hold her again away. I don't know that it ever goes away. *HUGS*

emd2887 · September 2011

(((HUGE HUGS))) Don't feel bad for posting this- that's what we're all here for. I can't imagine what you went through, but you have every right to feel sad about it. It's totally natural to still feel grief over the child you lost. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my angel baby.

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