Appt with RE...feeling numb I guess :-(

eponine7682 · September 2011

So I finally had a meeting with my RE yesterday afternoon. DH went with me since the meeting was to talk about our next steps. We have only had 2 failed IUIs, but each time DHs counts have gotten lower and lower and we were told numerous times that IVF would be better for us. A year ago when we were first told this, we sought after the best urologist in our area and worked on getting DHs counts up, and it worked! But, for some reason as soon as we started IUI they went down again. So, before doing another IUI cycle, I wanted DH to get a fresh SA done now that he isn't in so much pain from his back as he is now almost completely recovered.

The SA showed no sperm....none. Well, I guess there were 2, but they were nearly dead, not moving much at all. The RE said he can't even do IVF with this. So, now we are worse then we were before a year ago! At least a year ago we had a million sperm to work with! RE suggested DS. DH FLIPPED! He is so against is it's not even funny. Our only hope is to build his sperm back up and do IVF.

Needless to say I am devestated. I can't show it though because I need to be strong for DH who is obviously feeling really down. His next appt. with his urologist isn't until November. I think he is going to call to try to get in earlier, but this uro is the best in the state and his reputation is known so I think he is booked.

I just don't know how to feel. A big part of me wanted the RE to say to us "you really should move on to IVF" because I hated getting my hopes up for IUI, taking all the drugs and being let down by the counts each time and losing hope. But I never would have imagined we couldn't even do IVF! My only hope is that his body is still being impacted by the trauma of the surgery and in a month or so he will start producing more sperm. We can;t do IVF until January anyways, so we have a few months to build him back up.

RE says no IUI. I will be getting a SHG done next month and getting things squared away to start IVF in the new year. I am excited about that as he thinks as long as DH gets some sperm back we have good chances, but I am also nervous. As many of you ladies have said, it's not that IVF itself is that scary, it's the fact that it's our last option. Our last chance at having a child (at least for DH and I cause he is against DS and we would never ever be able to afford adoption).

Well, sorry this was so long. If you made it this far, you deserve a cookie, or a bottle of wine which is what I shall treat myself to on Friday since I know I can't be KU this month.

nikinikinine · September 2011

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

You have every right to be angry and frustrated. Your RE should have pushed harder for you to move straight to IVF with MFI issues.

An IRL friend is dealing with a similar situation. Her husband was put on clomid and hCG injections and they have markedly improved his counts. He's also been doing acupuncture, which I know is a little crunchy or whathaveyou, but if anything it is helping him relax and that's a good thing.

I hope you can get into the uro sooner than later. GL!

BeeBee08 · September 2011

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry sweets. First, I am not in your shoes and I have limited experience with this particular situation so if any of my comments are annoying I am very sorry. I know there are lots of ladies here who have gone forward with IVF and their DH's are azoo. They are able to extract sperm and use it for IVF I believe. Also, don't put too much weight in DH's response to donor sperm quite yet. He has just receive news that no man ever wants to hear. I imagine it's WAY harder for them to hear that news than it would even be for a woman to hear she doesn't have any eggs. After he has time to adjust to the situation and really take in what is going on, his feelings may change a little, he just needs time and to know that you are there for him.

What I really hope for is that during the next few months his counts go way up as he continues to recover and you don't even need to worry about this. You guys are in my T&P and I'm wishing for this to be just a result of the stress of the surgery. Good Luck!

mtlaurel · September 2011

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that it is just the trauma of your DH's surgery that is resulting in this, and his SA improves by the end of the year. Good luck.

BareBethC · September 2011

I am so sorry you are going through this sweetie I know you guys have been through a lot.

I would definitely be frustrated that the RE did not push IVF sooner, I know it's a scary scenario and there's no point in thinking "what if," but maybe it would have been a good idea for him to push that when DH's counts were up last year.

Did he have any suggestions on increasing DH's counts? Like special diet or something?

Have you guys talked any more about DS, or is that completely out of the question? My SO was completely against it also at first but once we met with our RE and had seen a urologist, he began opening up to it and eventually was completely comfortable with it. Of course, we would love to have a child that is biologically from both of us, but it will still be our child together and neither of us will think of it in any other way. Maybe if it comes down to it and that is the only option, your RE could refer you to a counselor that deals with IF issues? I don't know if you guys have done that already, just thinking out loud here

Enjoy your wine on Friday, you definitely deserve it.

jessican08 · September 2011

((HUGE HUGS)) I'm so sorry about your DH's last analysis. I hope it's just a result of the surgery and that his sperm count will bounce back in the coming months.

I completely get where you're coming from about being nervous about IVF because it's your last chance; we're in the same boat because as of right now, DH is dead-set against adoption and even if he wasn't, I'm not sure we could ever afford it.

Sending tons of T&Ps your way hon.

Aegis2005 · September 2011

Reading your post took me back to when our RE gave DH the news that SA#1 had 3 motile and 2 non-motile sperm and we may want to consider DS. We thought we were dealing with "lower counts" but had no idea it would be that low. To say that my husband took the idea of DS bad would be a complete understatement. I believe "that is not an option, and it should never be brought up again" was said.

We're at the point that the RE has DH go six days, and they're about to get "300,000" which the RE says is really 30 to 40 good sperm. We have some sperm frozen and are moving forward with IVF, but the RE said our only chance of this working is bringing in his "rockstar" embryologist to extract the sperm and using ICSI.

I know hearing that the quantity of his sperm could be counted on one hand was devastating to my husband, and I'm sure yours is feeling similar emotions. Sending lots of hugs and T&P's your way - I know it's tough - but I suspect it's even harder because of all your husband has been through with his surgeries.

missjul61 · September 2011

I don't have advice but wanted to wish you both luck and hope that you are able to move forward with IVF come January.

chels38026 · September 2011

missjul61:
I don't have advice but wanted to wish you both luck and hope that you are able to move forward with IVF come January.

This. And I'm so sorry you have to go through this!!! (((((((HUGS)))))))

Daisies1706 · September 2011

I just wanted to give you a hug and tell you that I'm hoping and praying that the new doc does the trick.

Ann679 · September 2011

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We have been dealing with azoo for months now. It's a very tough diagnosis. My DH is the same way about the DS. Hopefully the no sperm is just a result of the DHs surgery and you can get his numbers back up. Good luck! Hugs!!

Mrs.McIrish · September 2011

I'm so sorry. I totally understand what you mean about IVF being the last option. We did it and it didn't work. There isn't really anywhere to go now as DE and adoption are not affordable. I will say that you should not try to hide your feelings from DH. I am the infertile one in my relationship and DH tries to hide his feelings from me so I don't feel worse. It really makes me feel like he doesn't want a child that badly. I know that isn't the case but by his pretending, I feel like all the sadness is on my shoulders when we are in this together. I hope that made sense. Anyway, big hugs and I hope DH can get in to the uro sooner.

babina868 · September 2011

I'm so sorry -- what devastating news. I'm sending tons of T&Ps that things improve before you're ready for IVF.

maddie7 · September 2011

Wow I feel bad for the both of you. I really feel for you too in this. I pray it all works out in the end. GL

eponine7682 · September 2011

bfarrell:

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry sweets. First, I am not in your shoes and I have limited experience with this particular situation so if any of my comments are annoying I am very sorry. I know there are lots of ladies here who have gone forward with IVF and their DH's are azoo. They are able to extract sperm and use it for IVF I believe. Also, don't put too much weight in DH's response to donor sperm quite yet. He has just receive news that no man ever wants to hear. I imagine it's WAY harder for them to hear that news than it would even be for a woman to hear she doesn't have any eggs. After he has time to adjust to the situation and really take in what is going on, his feelings may change a little, he just needs time and to know that you are there for him.

What I really hope for is that during the next few months his counts go way up as he continues to recover and you don't even need to worry about this. You guys are in my T&P and I'm wishing for this to be just a result of the stress of the surgery. Good Luck!

Not annoying at all. Thanks for your support. Yeah, we are keeping hope up that his counts will at least go up in order to do IVF. We should have just moved towards that a year ago, but we so badly wanted to give IUI a try. Thanks. :-)

RachH517 · September 2011

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. IF sucks! ((GIANT HUGS)) and enjoy your wine!

eponine7682 · September 2011

Aegis2005:

Reading your post took me back to when our RE gave DH the news that SA#1 had 3 motile and 2 non-motile sperm and we may want to consider DS. We thought we were dealing with "lower counts" but had no idea it would be that low. To say that my husband took the idea of DS bad would be a complete understatement. I believe "that is not an option, and it should never be brought up again" was said.

We're at the point that the RE has DH go six days, and they're about to get "300,000" which the RE says is really 30 to 40 good sperm. We have some sperm frozen and are moving forward with IVF, but the RE said our only chance of this working is bringing in his "rockstar" embryologist to extract the sperm and using ICSI.

I know hearing that the quantity of his sperm could be counted on one hand was devastating to my husband, and I'm sure yours is feeling similar emotions. Sending lots of hugs and T&P's your way - I know it's tough - but I suspect it's even harder because of all your husband has been through with his surgeries.

Thanks hun. Smile And thanks to all of you who responded. The support here is amazing. I can't tell anyone IRL because I don't think DH would like that very much. He was doing some research today and noticed that there was a study done, and men with spinal cord issues have a higher IF rate. I guess that explains it.

Our RE did suggest freezing samples throughout the next few months, that way whatever we get we can use in January towards our IVF cycle. I am feeling a tad more at peace with it all since I knew we were eventually going to need IVF anyways, I just feel bad for DH. He really is devestated.

Again, thanks so much ladies, it means a lot.

Sarah226 · September 2011

I'm sorry you had such a rough appointment. I would definitely be hopeful that you can get his count back up... remember, the production process takes 3 months so it still could be affected by his back issues. Hopefully between seeing the uro and time you can get his count up high enough for your IVF in the new year.

Good luck, and definitely enjoy that wine on Friday!

DeputiesWife · September 2011

nikinikinine:
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
You have every right to be angry and frustrated. Your RE should have pushed harder for you to move straight to IVF with MFI issues.
An IRL friend is dealing with a similar situation. Her husband was put on clomid and hCG injections and they have markedly improved his counts. He's also been doing acupuncture, which I know is a little crunchy or whathaveyou, but if anything it is helping him relax and that's a good thing.
I hope you can get into the uro sooner than later. GL!

this is what my brother did.