How much interaction?

JCGreene85 · September 2011

do you have with EX? I am definetely writing in the papers that he can not have contact with me unless it is in direct correspondance about DS. Seriously, everything he says is nasty.

I am giving him 1 update a week, plus a few pictures but thats it. Of course he is saying how I am dicating his relationship with DS, and I am using DS as a shield in this battle. Whatever that means.

He sends me Emails on how he cries himself to sleep at night because he is missing DS's life, but who's fault is that? He says I am mean and deceitful. He also said he'd have more contact with DS, but he hates dealing with me. I finally responded 2 days later and said "if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all" lol

PrettyInPearls23 · September 2011

XH (as of 1:30 today I can finally say XH instead of STBHX!!!!) and I rarely speak. And when we do, it's strictly related to DS...parenting time changes, vacations, etc.

I've never heard of someone having a stipulation on the amount of contact with their X being put into the papers....

Instead of telling him to leave you alone, just ignore anything he says unless it NEEDS an answer. And you aren't obligated to provide an update every week or pictures. If he wants it, he can ask for it.

JCGreene85 · September 2011

Yay! Congrats to you and your DS! That's awesome. I want to put it in papers bc he will ask everyday if he can and he does it to p!ss me off. I usually ignore him until his update day.

achase123 · September 2011

JC, here's my disclaimer before I write this out: you need to hear this and this is tough love coming your way.

Ok, YOU need to establish more concrete boundaries here. YOU are allowing him to still manipulate, control, have contact with you. As I have stated before MINIMAL contact is all you should have. I'm talking the bare minimum. Details about pick-up drop off times/DS' well-being (if necessary), and anything else that is absolutely essential.

Unless and until YOU decide that you don't want this drama present in your life, it will be there. He knows that he's getting to you, somewhat and yet you are allowing it.

As far as your question about how much contact I have with my ex: the bare minimum. Here's an example:

SD texts: "hey do you think I can have my visit with P tonight"

Me: "yes"

Him: "hey, thanks, what time?"

Me: "6:30"

Him: "Hey are you mad at me?"

Me: "No"

And then he stops texting, shows up at his visit at 6:30pm and leaves at 8 (because his visitation is 1.5 hours/twice weekly).

If he asks me how my weekend was, I do not respond. If he asks how shipping our cattle at the family ranch went, I do not respond. If he asks how P's dr appointment went, I give him the rundown (that he has a cold, prop him up in his crib at night, use the humidifer, etc).

NOTHING else is necessary. He is threatening you and leading you to believe that if you don't maintain contact with him, you are in violation of something. You are in violation of NOTHING. You are making the choice to still have this contact with him. And you need to really look inside to see why it is you are allowing this to continue.

JCGreene85 · September 2011

Thanks for the tough love. I have really limited my contact with him except for when I give him an update. I think the only reason I am still responding is because mediation is coming up. I feel that if I p!ss him off too much by not responding, letting him talk to Wy, or shoot videos to him he'll be a major as$ in the mediation room.

By the little contact I have had with him, he only responds negatively. I havent responded to anything in 5 days with the exception of his 3 sentence update.

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