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November 2011 Moms
SuzJune04
member
"Guests pay for their own brunch" shower?
SuzJune04
member
My Mom and sister wanted to do a little gathering to celebrate my LO's arrival but I'm not a huge fan of 2nd baby showers (esp where guests are expected to bring gifts...I feel blessed enough already). They sent out an evite inviting a bunch of friends/family to join us at a nice brunch restaurant and said "Your presence is your gift."
It's very sweet and I'm happy to see everyone. The only thing I feel iffy about is that they also mentioned in the evite that the brunch buffet is $28/person. I was kind of wondering how they would throw such an expensive event (even if it is only 10-15 women). Is this weird that guests would pay for themselves? It's still probably less than if they bought me a gift. Btw- I've been to some of these friends' second baby showers and brought gifts.
What are your thoughts about this? Should I feel weird or does this sound like no big deal?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Guests pay for their own brunch" shower?
I have differing opinions on this. I think it is a bit odd to "throw" something and then expect people to pay for themselves. It's kind of...well, odd.
BUT, the people who want to and are able to come will come, pay the $28, and be fine, so it's really up to them.
Either way, it sounds like it's happening, so have fun with it!
The only thing I think is weird is that they planned it out all the way down to hitting the "send button" on the evite, without having run all the details by you first. It seems like you are suprised by the information? I don't know what kind of crowd you are dealing with economically, but to me $28/person is pricey. And you are right, if they are going to spend that much, they could have spent less on a gift, so it sounds silly to me. I like the idea of a girls day out, to a restaurant or to a spa for pampering. But I would have discussed it with everyone first, including you, rather than just send out an email and see how everyone reacts.
Wait, so do the guests know that they are going to need to pay for it themselves?
Personally, I think it's odd and would never "throw" an event if I weren't paying for the food. And, I've never been invited to anything where that's been expected of me either... I would opt for a smaller gathering at a non-meal hour where I could pay for appetizers, if it were a money issue... but that's just me.
However, if the guests know that they are expected to pay the $28, then it's up to them to show up or not since they know they will have to pay...so I wouldn't stress about it if I were you.
My friends did a brunch for me too. Of course they said the same thing abour gifts, and I myself told each of the invitees (just close peeps only) that we had everything we needed and I just wanted to see them etc. But of course, everyone still brought a gift.
Everyone ordered off the menu, and were waiting for a bill! My hostesses had to tell them, um, we paid already!
People will bring gifts. Because people who are coming are the ones who love you and want to be generous. I don't think it's cool to ask them to spring $28 for brunch. That's kind of an expensive ticket for brunch.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
I see you're in DC (I'm in NoVA), so honestly, $28 is a decent price for a brunch. However, I would think it poor etiquette to throw a party/host a gathering and expect guests to pay for themselves. No one in my family would do such a thing for the fear of being talked about for poor "traditional" etiquette (but that's our hometown way of things).
But you are the honoree, not the host, so I wouldn't worry about it at this point. Nothing else to do but smile and wave
If a good friend/close family member did the same thing, I would still go and not really be bothered by it.
I'm not quite sure how to answer the question- so I'll just say- it depends! I've been to a baby brunch (for a first baby) that just consisted of a big group of friends. It was handled the same way we'd handle a birthday dinner w/friends- no one brought presents, we all paid for ourselves and the expecting mama. It was no big deal. So I think my reaction would depend more on how close I was to the person. I do, however, think that $28 is a lot to spend on a buffet brunch- unless maybe it includes unlimited mimosas, made with Dom...
This! And LOL at "Aunt Milly"
IMO i think it's rude. if they were going to ask people to pay they should have picked a cheaper luncheon.
i have no problems with 2nd showers, it's fairly norm in my area/family circle. i would have no problem having been invited to a 2nd shower and bringing a gift. however, i would be very offended to have to pay for my own lunch.
depending on the relationship, i would either a- come and bring a gift, even though gifts are no expected. or b- make an excuse to not come. because now not only do i have to pay $30 for my meal i also feel obligated to bring a gift because after all, it is a baby shower.
I think it's really, really tacky. Even if she didn't use the word "shower" it's clear what this event is. If she specifically said "your presence is your gift" then she DID just demand that everyone come and spend $28 on a gift for you. NOt a huge tab for a shower gift but, it's the principle. WHen you invite guests to a party I think you need to be prepared to host guests at a party, not recruit people to pay for the party.
That said, you are not the host so, if the people invited think this is tacky, it reflects on the hostess, not you. If it were me, I'd try and talk the person hosting out of it and offer other alternatives. If she is hell bent on doing it this way, just enjoy it. A lot of people will probably come (and bring gifts anyway). YOU aren't the one making these decisions and anyone up enough on their etiquette to know how tacky the set up is will also be up on their etiquette enough to know you didn't plan the event. So, while I do think it's tacky, I don't think you should worry about it that much.