Telling my students (dilemma)

jbcgirl113 · September 2011

So my principal doesn't want me to tell my students or their parents that I'm pregnant. She wants me to send a letter home in November. For one, I will be HUGE by then. Secondly, my students may be 6 yrs old, but they aren't stupid! I've already had two of them ask me if I was pregnant. Obviously the parents who volunteer are going to figure it out. I seriously feel like I'm being dishonest by not telling them, but I don't know what to do when I was told not to tell. It's such an awkward situation. I could understand holding out a little longer if I wasn't coming back in March, but I am. UGH!

n&bcarlson · September 2011

November? Why such a long wait? Seems like you could just send a letter home now. I get not telling the class, but sending home the info for their parents to discuss with them in whatever way they want. But if students and parent helpers are already asking, I would tell the principal that you aren't comfortable with her timeline.

m1ssl1ss · September 2011

hey if one person figures it out and then EVERYONE knows- you can't be blamed, right? wink wink...
i think it's important for them to know sooner, but obviously your principal is thinking about that one crazy person who is going to stalk their office until they have found your replacement and have triple confirmed that things will be OK while you are gone... (i am imagining)

BabyLuvBug4 · September 2011

Whats the reason that he doesn't want you to tell? That doesn't make sense

Mommy2Grayson · September 2011

I would (nicely) question your principle as to why she doesn't want you to tell them. That seems unfair of her to ask you to do that. Being pregnant doesn't make you incompetent as a teacher, and not telling them seems weird.

I would give the side-eye to my child's teacher if they didn't tell me they were expecting until 2 months before they were due. I think your principle is out of line...but maybe she has some reason that I haven't thought of.

Raven0227 · September 2011

That is a dilemma. I don't understand your principal's thought process. Maybe you could voice your concern to her. And possibly ask how hiding the pregnancy would benefit your students and parents. My students/parents pretty much knew on day one since I was already showing when school started last month. I never asked my principal if I should tell or not as I figured people would know.

I am planning on sending a letter home when I get closer to my due date to let the parents know about my plans for maternity leave, but to expect the students/parents not to notice sounds a bit ridiculous to me.

Good luck with the sticky situation.

missesBAD · September 2011

that's weird. you should be able to tell them whenever and however you choose. i am new to my school and had parents ask me when i am due at the walk through before school even started. if students ask, i say yes. if parents ask when i'm due, i tell them. if they get upset about it, thatis ridiculous and not my problem. it is obvious from looking at me that i am pregnant, so why pretend it's a secret? all of this being said, i am the music teacher, so no really cares that much if i am gone for maternity leave Stick out tongue

neener3 · September 2011

My principal never even brought up telling students or parents, but I was outed today by one of my grade two students..."Mme...it looks like you have a baby in your..." and then she jumped up and grabbed my belly.

I can't lie to my kids, so I just laughed and she said "is it true?", so I said yes. People will figure it out anyway, I'm just not going to make a big announcement about it.

MAMAxB · September 2011

I agree with everyone.. November??? Seriously??

Even if you could hide your bump then.. you shouldn't be forced to!

ztalady18 · September 2011

That is wierd that she wants you to wait until November! I had to let my parents know before school even started, because I was on bed rest for the first week of school. When they had orientation, my sub let them know what was going on. Some of the parents had some questions for me, but I didn't mind answering them (mostly, when are you due, do you know what it is, etc.) I never told my students; they just figured it out. I will send home a letter right before Winter break letting the parents know my maternity plans and who my sub will be. I would feel bad if a parent asked me and I had to lie about it. I think if someone asks, you can tell them, but maybe not officially announce it? I would go and talk to your principal again.

Thinkerbelle80 · September 2011

That's awful. Maybe talk with other teachers and see if there's a precedent for this. Then just tell your principal that you are not comfortable being dishonest and that if students ask you why you're so big or if you are pregnant, you are just going to tell the truth rather than lie but you'll still be happy to send home the letter in Nov.

talitha712 · September 2011

How odd! I teach kindergarten and my kiddos figured it out themselves the second week of school. I'm not sending home anything until I know details about my maternity leave, but I'm also not hiding it. We are having a parent night next week and I'm sure someone will bring it up. What are your principal's reasons for wanting you to wait?

jbcgirl113 · September 2011

She says that it is too soon to be talking to parents about how long I am going to be gone, who my sub will be, etc. She said that it will just make them "wring their hands and worry" until I leave. I really don't get that impression with any of my students' parents. If anything, I really believe this group of parents would be very sweet and excited for me. Parents of my previous students know as well as several of my former students. I know that I would want to know LO's teacher was going to be on maternity leave...and not so that I could "wring my hands and worry". I am only taking 6-8 wks off due to problems with our school system's health insurance, so I really don't understand what the big deal is. I will be back to finish out the school year with these kids, and I feel that the parents have a right to know as it will affect their children.

besu-chan · September 2011

That's ridiculous, like all pp said. My kids figured it out the first day of school! There is no way I could hide it that long. I can understand not wanting too many questions about maternity coverage or whatever, but the few questions I've gotten I've just responded with "we have a few great options in the works". It's not that hard.

jbcgirl113 · September 2011

Unfortunately I was really sick due to an allergic reaction to an antibiotic (which turned into a bacterial infection in my colon) and lost almost 15 lbs. If that hadn't happened, I would be showing majorly right now. The only reason I can still "hide" it is b/c I am just now gaining back weight. By November, I'm going to be huge so I feel that is a completely ridiculous expectation on her part.

crystalw13 · September 2011

This is offensive. Do you work in a union? If so, I would contact them. If not I would let her know that you are not comfortable with this. She needs to check out the pregnancy discrimination act.

Free2Sing · September 2011

jbcgirl113:
She says that it is too soon to be talking to parents about how long I am going to be gone, who my sub will be, etc. She said that it will just make them "wring their hands and worry" until I leave. I really don't get that impression with any of my students' parents. If anything, I really believe this group of parents would be very sweet and excited for me. Parents of my previous students know as well as several of my former students. I know that I would want to know LO's teacher was going to be on maternity leave...and not so that I could "wring my hands and worry". I am only taking 6-8 wks off due to problems with our school system's health insurance, so I really don't understand what the big deal is. I will be back to finish out the school year with these kids, and I feel that the parents have a right to know as it will affect their children.

I understand her concerns, but it's completely unreasonable in this situation. It's not something you're going to be able to physically hide for that long-- and you shouldn't have to. I'd go to the principal and talk to her again. Explain your concerns and that (at least it seems) you feel like you're lying to your students.

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